Mixed feelings young "transmen" cutting themselves off from womanhood

[howtocomplain]

I just caught up with an old friend, and it turns out her 19 year old DD is identifying as a man. I saw several pictures of her child, who is using a male male and he/him or they/them pronouns, but still wearing a lot of feminine clothes and still wears makeup. All that seems to have changed since they came out, is this young person has died their hair bright colours and is dressing more alternative / punkish.

This young person is in a relationship with a young (biological) man and they say that they're gay.

On the one hand I recognise young people like to push boundaries and experiment, but on the other hand I feel there's something really sinister about society encouraging young women to cut themselves off from feminism and sisterhood by denying they're even female.

And I must admit I'm not happy with the idea of them calling themselves a gay couple, I feel it's a fucking insult to actual gay people and a trivialisation of what so many gay people have endured. These two are never going to be subjected to homophobic abuse or have to deal with discrimination for being gay, are they, as they plainly look like a heterosexual couple.

I don't know if this young person is taking hormones. I hope not.

All the posts on here ‘joking’ about trans people and implying that they don’t know if they can get pregnant or not.... crass and hugely transphobic.

It feels like whenever anyone posts here about their own children or close friends who are expressing trans-ness, how little curiosity there is here to understand that experience, How little support or openness, how fast it descends into an excuse to give trans people a kicking. The rage that drips of some of these posts at the very existence of trans people.

And you wonder why young women don’t want to be in the same category as you....

And you wonder why young women don’t want to be in the same category as you....

There's plenty of young women who are also gender critical.

Why categories?
Why not treat people on merit?
Just a thought

The rage that drips of some of these posts at the very existence of trans people.

Trans people, no.

Trans Ideology, yes.

An ideology that rewrites your identity in a way that denies your experience and undermines your legal rights, denounces you as being full of hatred when you object, and attempts to make organising politically to challenge it a hate crime does tend to get ones back up.

All the posts on here ‘joking’ about trans people and implying that they don’t know if they can get pregnant or not.... crass and hugely transphobic

I have come across several young transwomen who did actually think it might be possible to get pregnant. It's hardly surprising really when considering the mixed messages young people are getting.
Now that's not very funny is it. It's really quite serious. And people need to be aware on how these messages are impacting on on young people. It's not transphobia. It's basic safeguards. And it needs to be talked about openly and freely.

@midgedude

Yes Melroses I also used to identify as male. As they were allowed to do and behave in ways that suited me better

As I increasingly realised it made no difference at all, sexists are sexist because of your physical body and don't care about you as a person

Quite funny now however in that the organisation I work for wants more women because diversity brings benefits and I don't understand how me being a woman makes any difference to the work I do or how I do it

I still haven't got over being told I obviously present as female, whilst wearing exactly the same unisex tracksuit as the person telling me that (sports team "uniform"). My hair was in a bun and I was wearing no make up or jewellery.

Sadly, I can present however I like, but the chances are my shape, small hands and feet, heart-shaped face etc are going to mean that I appear female and will probably be treated accordingly.

In the case of this couple, I don't know what to say really. I can understand why they'd describe themselves as a "queer couple", but I don't think they'd have that much in common with most gay male couples — for a start neither would have experienced homophobic bullying at school, or felt out of step with their peers for their sexuality.