Society feels so porn obsessed these days

[H2OConnoisseur]

Here are some things off the top of my head that I've observed in the past few weeks alone:

1. My previously nice, decent (mostly male) friends from Uni have bought into the mantra that 'women objectify themselves anyway' and now constantly spam the group WhatsApp with Instagram and OnlyFan links of women, complete with ensuing discussions about how 'fuckable' they are

1. I was on a job-seeking forum for students and recent graduates, and so many posts were about cam work or OnlyFans, and so many men were posting about how women are fortunate that they could get rich doing something like that

1. Almost all of my friends have boyfriends that watch/subscribe to porn accounts, with a good amount of them even chatting with the content creator. Half of them hate it but feel like they don't know any men who aren't like that and that if they say anything they're being 'jealous and possessive', and the other half think that there's nothing wrong with it and that the people who do have a problem with it are 'jealous and possessive'.

I know I should just ignore it if I don't like it but it's everywhere and I am frankly a mix of disgusted and frustrated about it all. A year ago, I was even told by one of my (now ex) best friends (completely out of the blue we weren't even having a conversation) that he would subscribe to my OnlyFans if I ever decide to create one!

Not sure what the point of this thread is but I'm having the worst day and am trying to refrain from cursing out a friend after she told another friend that she was insecure for wanting to leave her porn obsessed boyfriend!

@coronaway

The examples given in this thread are disgusting yet I'm not shocked by them. It really does feel like I'm living in an alternative reality sometimes.

I've pretty much given up voicing my opinion though as like the OP find the tide too great to turn. I genuinely don't see how this ends now. A lot of men seem to think how easy women have it because they can just sell some feet pics online to pay the rent. They almost act as though they're the discriminated sex.

Ah yes, the 'I 100%, no questions asked, would if women would buy my pictures and videos but I'm not gay so don't ask me to cater to gay men why are women so privileged' brigade.

I honestly wouldn’t give a fuck if someone said I had internalised misogyny if I objected to stuff like this. I would simply say that’s a load of crap and I’m surprised you’re stupid enough to fall for it, I have higher standards for myself. Then I’d search for like-minded people to be friends with and ditch the creepy OF types. Small acts of rebellion build a movement and I’ve often been on the wrong side of what’s popular over the years - only for what I’ve believed to become mainstream at a later date and prove me right.

Be true to yourself OP even if you lose friends to begin with it’s better for the soul in the long-term.

Even on MN people are encouraging each other to get on OF. Amazing. Think I'll just have to accept that in this world women will always be seen as sexual objects. Where's the fucking equality in that.

So your peers are viewing porn at lunch then. There's no difference between what they're doing at getting out a Playboy magazine. It's disgusting behaviour.

ASMR has experienced the same thing - I remember years ago when it was pretty much unknown. Then from around 2016 it started to snowball in popularity and suddenly all these heavily made-up women in lots of make-up started to appear producing videos that were extremley sexual in nature. All breathless, seductive gazes into the camera, lots of banana sucking and eating and the like and women massaging each other. A lot of people who didn't know anything about ASMR have looked it up when it became popular, and who can blame them for thinking it's some kind of sexual fetish. I suspect a few of the sexual ones are a clear pornographic advertisement of their porn accounts. The same ASMR and jumped on the bandwagon.

@EarthSight

So your peers are viewing porn at lunch then. There's no difference between what they're doing at getting out a Playboy magazine. It's disgusting behaviour.

ASMR has experienced the same thing - I remember years ago when it was pretty much unknown. Then from around 2016 it started to snowball in popularity and suddenly all these heavily made-up women in lots of make-up started to appear producing videos that were extremley sexual in nature. All breathless, seductive gazes into the camera, lots of banana sucking and eating and the like and women massaging each other. A lot of people who didn't know anything about ASMR have looked it up when it became popular, and who can blame them for thinking it's some kind of sexual fetish. I suspect a few of the sexual ones are a clear pornographic advertisement of their porn accounts. The same ASMR and jumped on the bandwagon.

Wait did ASMR not start as a porn-ish thing?! My first experience with it was randomly clicking through twitch and watching a woman make wet noises and moaning.

Definitely not! There are still men and women making videos where they click pens or fold towels or whatever! But obviously the sexualised women get more viewers (usually, though not always). I noticed a few of the young women have OF accounts - they specify there are no nudes or underwear shots but they are still on there. And how long before they end up posting bikini pictures?

Oh my God no! Prior to the change, it was mainly women tapping glass, folding towels, whispering, describing - my theory is that is replicates the background murmur one would have heard as a baby or child in a cot maybe. ASMR is the total opposite of arousal - it's soporific, relaxing. Maybe pleasurable and euphoric, but not sexually arousing. It's like getting a massage via sound or something. If I listening to it in the background when I'm doing certain tasks I sometimes have had to switch it off because I became too relaxed!

I remember from around 2016 onwards when these other women came on board. It already had a strange reputation, but when they joined they really ruined the original reputation. These women had either jumped on board from the porn world, or previous ASMR producers who used to be family friendly, saw that they were getting a high rate of clicks from males and decided to specifically cater to that in a more overt, sexual way in order to compete and to get to the top of listings. There are lots of ASMR artist who still won't do anything overtly sexual but I think some of them must feel the pressure to do that.

I'm only early 30s and this is absolutely horrifying. I had no idea it was getting that bad. Casually scrolling pornography throughout the day? What the fuck? I've heard men making gross porn-related comments but I've never actually seen them looking at porn in front of other people at work?? Can you not complain about this sexist and hostile work environment?

Probably the worst porn-related behaviour I personally experienced was at uni back in 2007. I invited a group of male friends over to watch a film and after it finished they took the remote from me and turned on what might have been Eurotrash but I can't fully remember. Not hardcore porn but nudity and sexual content. It was my house and they just proceeded to watch this and make disgusting comments. I felt so uncomfortable I left the room and just went to bed. I should have thrown them out of course but I lacked assertiveness. It made me feel like shit to see just how little respect my so-called friends had for me.

At least since that the men in my life have had the scraping-the-barrel bare level of decency to keep it to themselves in mixed company. The older I get (and I'm not old at all) the more disgusted I am by men as a class. I want to take my little daughter (and my little son too) and go and live on a desert island or something.

@SaucyHorse It usually happens during lunch time and I guess it's my fault that I decided to go eat together as a group. Someone thought he was so smart and once came up with this zinger about how if sex work is just like normal work then what's the problem. Even on that other thread on MN you have people saying it's all feminist, great fun, good for women, supporting women etc. It's all apparently so bloody great I think people are desensitised and unless it's hardcore stuff people don't necessarily see it as 'porn' anymore just Instagram without clothes.

@EarthSight oh I didn't know that about ASMR! I do sometimes like putting on one of those 3 hour rain/ocean videos before I fall asleep so I can definitely see why it can be soothing! Another thing 'ruined' by those who make everything sexual pfft. Even the My Little Pony franchise has been turned into a sexual thing by 'fans'.

Not to derail the thread but I remember back in 2010 watching massage videos or zen gardens being groomed etc then ASMR suddenly became a thing a year later. It wasn't sexualised at all but now people assume that's all it is - I feel like I can't even bring it up in conversation now as people will assume it's sexual.

I don't think society is just porn-obsessed, I think it's sex-obsessed, and if we could tone down the obsession, the world would be a happier place. The nature of the obsession changes over time (porn is its latest incarnation) but the sex focus has been around for a very long time. I don't think changing the obsession from the church/society/men controlling it to women controlling it or even having it as much as you like within consensual boundaries really frees women up as much as they think it does. Yes, you can use contraception or get an abortion but our lives are still dominated by the possibility of getting pregnant unless we choose to be celibate - and most people see that these days as being seriously weird.