Society feels so porn obsessed these days

[H2OConnoisseur]

Here are some things off the top of my head that I've observed in the past few weeks alone:

1. My previously nice, decent (mostly male) friends from Uni have bought into the mantra that 'women objectify themselves anyway' and now constantly spam the group WhatsApp with Instagram and OnlyFan links of women, complete with ensuing discussions about how 'fuckable' they are

1. I was on a job-seeking forum for students and recent graduates, and so many posts were about cam work or OnlyFans, and so many men were posting about how women are fortunate that they could get rich doing something like that

1. Almost all of my friends have boyfriends that watch/subscribe to porn accounts, with a good amount of them even chatting with the content creator. Half of them hate it but feel like they don't know any men who aren't like that and that if they say anything they're being 'jealous and possessive', and the other half think that there's nothing wrong with it and that the people who do have a problem with it are 'jealous and possessive'.

I know I should just ignore it if I don't like it but it's everywhere and I am frankly a mix of disgusted and frustrated about it all. A year ago, I was even told by one of my (now ex) best friends (completely out of the blue we weren't even having a conversation) that he would subscribe to my OnlyFans if I ever decide to create one!

Not sure what the point of this thread is but I'm having the worst day and am trying to refrain from cursing out a friend after she told another friend that she was insecure for wanting to leave her porn obsessed boyfriend!

@ScrollingLeaves

That is interesting H20Conoisseur.

Do you think these same men would feel at ease if their girlfriends were doing OF? Or do people not tend to have love relationships so to speak?

I do think that there's a growing number of men who are deciding to 'go their own way' and only have casual relationships/flings because they think that marriage negatively affects men due to them having to 'give half of their hard work' to women who will probably 'sleep around' anyway. Just look at any comment section following Jeff Bezos's and Bill Gates's divorce. It's meme after meme of 'she's been waiting all those years for this payout' and 'Man: becomes a billionaire through hard work. Woman: becomes a billionaire by spreading her legs.'

Of the ones who are in relationships, a few has said that they wouldn't like their gfs doing OF but that they fully support other women's choice to do so. Nice double standards there. 🤦‍♀️

I really dislike to use a woman’s sexual attractiveness in a negative way, but would these men be so happy if it was Bella Emberg who was paying for dick pics or sex? That’s the reality of sex work and the reverse equivalent.

@talesofginza

I agree. Just recently I was at dinner at some friends' and a (single) guy who was there, who I had met not 10 minutes prior, started casually talking about porn and kink as if it were some sort of cultural milieu like film or literature. And recently, some male colleagues have started making some off-colour, porn-related jokes in a group work chat. Is it the pandemic? I found both very bizarre and wonder if these men think that we find that totally normal? It instantly makes me imagine them spending the last year of lockdown furiously masturbating in a grubby apartment to images of women being degraded, and I see them in a much creepier, more pathetic light.

I would also suggest FDS - sure, maybe some of the rhetoric might be a bit angry but there's also a lot of humour and it's nice to see a large community of women who are done with the idea that porn, SW, one night stands etc are empowering for women.

I think it's the pandemic fast tracking the normalisation of it all. There are lots of men and women these days who support and even advocate for sex work to be seen as a regular job option, with many glamorising it as well. I've even seen men casually scroll through OF in the company of others the same way you'd do with Instagram, which shocked me the first time I saw it but sadly not anymore.

It almost seems as though people don’t have a notion of what romantic, love-sex feels like given that porn/ making money from having sex with other people ‘because you like sex’ seems to be considered the norm instead. This age group traditionally was the romantic one.

It is very interesting to read your post because it is almost beyond my comprehension.

Though I am much much older, as you would guess, I had a perfectly bohemian background and at university spent plenty of time around a lot of young, university men. It was the era of new freedoms too, so I am not speaking from the point of view of someone who was not part of the equivalent world several generations ago.

Relationships were seemingly more intense emotionally with sex that was not just a process of separate titillation and orgasm which (apparently) needs kink to create sensation judging by the porn and what is being copied from it.

For all that was wrong then too - and of course there were rapes, prostitution, under age sex, harassment, unmentioned child abuse- who would guess that all along there was a state of privilege among this group in some ways compared to now.

It all sounds... empty and unfulfilling doesn't it.

I was just reading a Pink News article about a young gay porn star who has died tragically young (22). It was so weird how it was reported as if working in the porn industry is just another career choice that a young person might make.

"AVN reported Riley was born and raised in Dallas, Texas and reportedly wanted to be involved in the adult film industry from a young age."

www.pinknews.co.uk/2021/05/14/gay-porn-star-alex-riley-dies-22-helix-studios/

The number of women who now work in the industry (in one way or another) is hard to get your head around

I find the thought staggering just how much porn there is. There must be several million women in the world who have been in some sort of porn video. But you never hear from them.

Sons are now pimping out their mothers:

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-9538737/Son-19-set-Onlyfans-account-saucy-mother-pocket-profits.html

Who knows how much truth there is to this and how much is just PR but the way porn and sex work is mentioned in such a matter of fact way

That's... disturbing.

Everyday is a reminder I think. I'm not sure if it's appropriate for me to posts all the incidents I see here as I feel like I'm clogging the board with an 'old' topic, but in an odd way, I find it therapeutic to know that I'm not the only one who isn't on board the pro-porn train.

1. I just saw a post about how P*rnHub provided free subscriptions to Italy at the start of this outbreak. The move was so well received and celebrated on every major social network that I can't help but think that that's one of the turning points that helped drag the porn industry into the light. The most 'humanitarian' company out there, I think that was what people were calling them.

1. Strangers apparently aren't enough. Saw a post on a Uni board asking if anyone knew of any incoming year 1s or current students who are on OnlyFans, and there were 8 people (last I checked) telling the OP that they'd DM him a list. Apparently it's all normalised to the point where women/girls are stating their Uni (I'm assuming because it's more profitable when they're not just another 'random' person) and it's all well and good.

1. Lots of hype around another Uni student who is doing a 'flash sale' over the next 2 days alongside an upcoming release of an apparently highly requested sex act to celebrate the end of lockdown. How have we come to this?

OP, this is all so grim, it really is. How do we turn the tide? I think it has to be a combination of things; some of the suggestions already made, and women consistently speaking out and not buying into or going along with this bullshit. Those of us with less to lose and more life experience (already had our kids / in relationships / stable livelihoods) can do so much more easily and this is how clever all of this shit is. Those who speak out can easily be dismissed as prudes / past it because of how society already views us. Do these idiots honestly believe all these women on OF love it and are simply being paid to do what they love anyway? Do they think their barber loves standing on his feet all day for low pay making small talk too? Don't they realise that part of the job is making people feel comfortable? How much business would you get on OF if you went on and said, 'here I am humiliating myself for your enjoyment because my parents can't afford to support me through uni and I'm desperate for a better life.' Sadly and perversely probably still quite a bit actually!

I appreciate that narratives around sex being shameful are not healthy or helpful but that shouldn't mean all sex under all circumstances should be celebrated. These pathetic losers need to be told, clearly, by those close to them just how vile they are.

I recognise it is easy for me; I have my family, my partner, my career, I am not in any way dependent on men seeing me as a good egg or whatever and I genuinely do not care. I cannot imagine a scenario where any man I know would share their views of porn or porn stars or OF or whatever with me either face to face or in a WA group. They would all know exactly what reaction they would get. This is the problem; these idiots really don't seem to grasp how vile this is and I too am baffled as to how we got here. I generally try hard to have empathy and understanding but I honestly do hope that all these men you have described here develop serious erectile dysfunction and are miserable for it.

We can’t turn the tide I don’t think. It’s horrible but it’s capitalism. The commodification of sex.

How I hate how porn and ‘sex work’ is not only acceptable but is celebrated. Depressing.

I'm really sorry to hear this, OP. I have the feeling that I am at least a couple of decades older than you and I really feel for women of your age / younger / teenagers like my DDs. Not just the watching and discussing of porn but that the men seem to have no boundaries about where / when they talk about it. Personally I would feel a sense of violation if this came up on my Whatsapp etc.
Can you start challenging them on what they say and do?

Unfortunately (and I know this is probably a self-fulfilling prophecy), the days of 'challenging' anything seem to be long over. Everything is so black and white now and if you say anything that goes against the grain (especially on sites like Uni boards and circles where your name is there for all to see) you will be publicly called out and, in the case of any anti-porn rhetoric, be shamed/pitied for having internalised misogyny, being anti-feminist, sex-negative, jealous, insecure etc. Those are all terms I heard from the pro-sex work team (said to wild applause) while I was in attendance at a Uni debate session while on an exchange program in the US.

Who would've thought that in 2021 the height of feminism would revolve around women being sexually commodified (under the banner of empowerment) by men!

Yes, I know I sound bitter.

You should sound bitter. We all should. How did it come to this?!

I'm so angry for the children and young people growing up with this as their world view of sex.

"AVN reported Riley was born and raised in Dallas, Texas and reportedly wanted to be involved in the adult film industry from a young age."

I wonder how young that young age was? Given he was 22 when he died.
I can't imagine how I'd feel if a child of mine expressed such an ambition from a young age.

I’m a couple of years older than you OP but I really feel for you. I feel quite fortunate that I’m maybe more part of an alternative crowd because I would really struggle with my friendship groups being like this. I’m aware of the pornification of society but having to confront it every day must be difficult. There are probably others with similar views to you but too scared to speak out.

@IDanielRadcliffe

I’m a couple of years older than you OP but I really feel for you. I feel quite fortunate that I’m maybe more part of an alternative crowd because I would really struggle with my friendship groups being like this. I’m aware of the pornification of society but having to confront it every day must be difficult. There are probably others with similar views to you but too scared to speak out.

It's a self-fulfilling prophecy I think. Most people won't speak out because of the 'abuse' they'll receive, and when you don't see anyone speaking out, it gets even more difficult to say something that will go against the grain.

I've deleted my Instagram, muted Facebook, restricted my Reddit account to subs where I won't see any of such posts, deregistered from the student forums, and muted a fair few WhatsApp groups but it's like the whole concept has spread like wildfire over the past year.

It's in the news, my peers at work are fully behind it and have no qualms about scrolling though OnlyFans while out for lunch since it's 'just like Instagram' except it's not, and even twitch which originally started as a streaming site where people would play and discuss games seems to be overrun by 'hot tub' streamers wearing barely anything directing people to their OF.

I mean, a lot of the major streamers on twitch have tween audiences in the tens of thousands viewing daily and when OF is being discussed so cavalierly and like it's a positive thing, with plenty of cam girls and their OF links less than 2 clicks away on the same site, what hope is there?

New intern coming in at work, and having seen her Instagram, people are discussing if she might have an OnlyFans. 'Almost all women especially the hot ones have them these days.' Direct quote from the person who's going to be her 'supervisor' of sorts. Zzz.

The worst thing is that these type of comments aren't even seen as creepy anymore. It's just like asking your friends for a link to someone's Instagram account. If there are Uni clubs supporting this and women on Uni Facebook pages offering their 'mentorship' to other students about this is it really a seedy thing anymore?

I am shocked by the amount of posts I see on Tiktok promoting becoming a sugar baby or starting an Only Fans. It amounts to the grooming of teenage girls - and sadly some must be naive enough not to see how exploitative it is. It’s all well and good to claim you’re a girl boss for selling nudes, but we all know that girls lives will still be ruined when they get spread around the school. Boys will not be shamed for buying/requesting them.

I am also shocked by the normalisation of “kinks” by teens on the platform too. As OP said, chokeing is trendy. Spitting in a girl’s mouth is also apparently a thing (?!?).

Two other types of content on the platform I’ve seen are 1) a large amount of posts from girls claiming they want to go through a “hoe phase” and get over their ex by sleep around and 2) an equally large number of posts from girls upset about guys just using them for sex...

It’s all adding up to a lot of free sex for men and not such great consequences for women...

@H2OConnoisseur

New intern coming in at work, and having seen her Instagram, people are discussing if she might have an OnlyFans. 'Almost all women especially the hot ones have them these days.' Direct quote from the person who's going to be her 'supervisor' of sorts. Zzz.

OP I am shocked to hear you are going through this at work and socially.

In my 20s and none of my male friends talk like this - it isn't even a case of maybe they do when I'm not around. They are anti patriarchy types, come on demos for women's Day etc. General good eggs. I would never be friends with men that talked about women in a degrading way.

Your workplace sounds highly unprofessional as well. Again, I work at a pretty young place and this sort of comment would never fly there either.

I did once see an acquaintance who claimed to be a feminist promoted her friend's onlyfans a few times. I unfollowed her.

OnWednesdaysWeWearMink
“1) a large amount of posts from girls claiming they want to go through a “hoe phase” and get over their ex by sleep around and 2) an equally large number of posts from girls upset about guys just using them for sex... “

When girls/woman try to say they are empowered by selling sex/photos/porn you often wonder if that isn’t just a way to regain a sense of power following on from what was effectively abuse followed by deep unhappiness.

Promiscuity can be a symptom of previous abuse so maybe this trend is following a comparable pattern.

If young girls ‘fall in love’ then find themselves being choked, spat on, coerced into anal sex etc then dumped maybe they are looking for getting back control.

From the outside it looks like getting more abused and used though.

I am with you.. I’m anti porn. I’m anti sex work. I don’t see why women keep accepting this as normal.

I believe that women need to speak up more about this. The WhatsApp group makes you uncomfortable so there is no need for you to subject yourself to that.

I hate to see what society will look like in 10-15 years.

The examples given in this thread are disgusting yet I'm not shocked by them. It really does feel like I'm living in an alternative reality sometimes.

I've pretty much given up voicing my opinion though as like the OP find the tide too great to turn. I genuinely don't see how this ends now. A lot of men seem to think how easy women have it because they can just sell some feet pics online to pay the rent. They almost act as though they're the discriminated sex.

In my 20s and none of my male friends talk like this - it isn't even a case of maybe they do when I'm not around. They are anti patriarchy types, come on demos for women's Day etc. General good eggs. I would never be friends with men that talked about women in a degrading way.

I wish I knew where to find friends like yours! Unfortunately, the most anti-patriarchal male friends of mine tend to believe that it's genuinely a good thing that sexual work is so accepted and widespread as they see it as a way for women to gain financial benefit while also being sexually free like men. Can't 'blame' them though as so many women seem to incessantly speak about how OF is the epitome of female empowerment and a 'feminist movement' so maybe they see it as a win-win to support the whole 'cause'. It's messed up either way.