Society feels so porn obsessed these days

[H2OConnoisseur]

Here are some things off the top of my head that I've observed in the past few weeks alone:

1. My previously nice, decent (mostly male) friends from Uni have bought into the mantra that 'women objectify themselves anyway' and now constantly spam the group WhatsApp with Instagram and OnlyFan links of women, complete with ensuing discussions about how 'fuckable' they are

1. I was on a job-seeking forum for students and recent graduates, and so many posts were about cam work or OnlyFans, and so many men were posting about how women are fortunate that they could get rich doing something like that

1. Almost all of my friends have boyfriends that watch/subscribe to porn accounts, with a good amount of them even chatting with the content creator. Half of them hate it but feel like they don't know any men who aren't like that and that if they say anything they're being 'jealous and possessive', and the other half think that there's nothing wrong with it and that the people who do have a problem with it are 'jealous and possessive'.

I know I should just ignore it if I don't like it but it's everywhere and I am frankly a mix of disgusted and frustrated about it all. A year ago, I was even told by one of my (now ex) best friends (completely out of the blue we weren't even having a conversation) that he would subscribe to my OnlyFans if I ever decide to create one!

Not sure what the point of this thread is but I'm having the worst day and am trying to refrain from cursing out a friend after she told another friend that she was insecure for wanting to leave her porn obsessed boyfriend!

[bathsh3ba]

I don't think society is just porn-obsessed, I think it's sex-obsessed, and if we could tone down the obsession, the world would be a happier place. The nature of the obsession changes over time (porn is its latest incarnation) but the sex focus has been around for a very long time. I don't think changing the obsession from the church/society/men controlling it to women controlling it or even having it as much as you like within consensual boundaries really frees women up as much as they think it does. Yes, you can use contraception or get an abortion but our lives are still dominated by the possibility of getting pregnant unless we choose to be celibate - and most people see that these days as being seriously weird.

[coronaway]

Not to derail the thread but I remember back in 2010 watching massage videos or zen gardens being groomed etc then ASMR suddenly became a thing a year later. It wasn't sexualised at all but now people assume that's all it is - I feel like I can't even bring it up in conversation now as people will assume it's sexual.

[H2OConnoisseur]

@EarthSight oh I didn't know that about ASMR! I do sometimes like putting on one of those 3 hour rain/ocean videos before I fall asleep so I can definitely see why it can be soothing! Another thing 'ruined' by those who make everything sexual pfft. Even the My Little Pony franchise has been turned into a sexual thing by 'fans'.

[H2OConnoisseur]

@SaucyHorse It usually happens during lunch time and I guess it's my fault that I decided to go eat together as a group. Someone thought he was so smart and once came up with this zinger about how if sex work is just like normal work then what's the problem. Even on that other thread on MN you have people saying it's all feminist, great fun, good for women, supporting women etc. It's all apparently so bloody great I think people are desensitised and unless it's hardcore stuff people don't necessarily see it as 'porn' anymore just Instagram without clothes.

[SaucyHorse]

I'm only early 30s and this is absolutely horrifying. I had no idea it was getting that bad. Casually scrolling pornography throughout the day? What the fuck? I've heard men making gross porn-related comments but I've never actually seen them looking at porn in front of other people at work?? Can you not complain about this sexist and hostile work environment?

Probably the worst porn-related behaviour I personally experienced was at uni back in 2007. I invited a group of male friends over to watch a film and after it finished they took the remote from me and turned on what might have been Eurotrash but I can't fully remember. Not hardcore porn but nudity and sexual content. It was my house and they just proceeded to watch this and make disgusting comments. I felt so uncomfortable I left the room and just went to bed. I should have thrown them out of course but I lacked assertiveness. It made me feel like shit to see just how little respect my so-called friends had for me.

At least since that the men in my life have had the scraping-the-barrel bare level of decency to keep it to themselves in mixed company. The older I get (and I'm not old at all) the more disgusted I am by men as a class. I want to take my little daughter (and my little son too) and go and live on a desert island or something.

[EarthSight]

Oh my God no! Prior to the change, it was mainly women tapping glass, folding towels, whispering, describing - my theory is that is replicates the background murmur one would have heard as a baby or child in a cot maybe. ASMR is the total opposite of arousal - it's soporific, relaxing. Maybe pleasurable and euphoric, but not sexually arousing. It's like getting a massage via sound or something. If I listening to it in the background when I'm doing certain tasks I sometimes have had to switch it off because I became too relaxed!

I remember from around 2016 onwards when these other women came on board. It already had a strange reputation, but when they joined they really ruined the original reputation. These women had either jumped on board from the porn world, or previous ASMR producers who used to be family friendly, saw that they were getting a high rate of clicks from males and decided to specifically cater to that in a more overt, sexual way in order to compete and to get to the top of listings. There are lots of ASMR artist who still won't do anything overtly sexual but I think some of them must feel the pressure to do that.

[IDanielRadcliffe]

Definitely not! There are still men and women making videos where they click pens or fold towels or whatever! But obviously the sexualised women get more viewers (usually, though not always). I noticed a few of the young women have OF accounts - they specify there are no nudes or underwear shots but they are still on there. And how long before they end up posting bikini pictures?

[H2OConnoisseur]

@EarthSight

So your peers are viewing porn at lunch then. There's no difference between what they're doing at getting out a Playboy magazine. It's disgusting behaviour.

ASMR has experienced the same thing - I remember years ago when it was pretty much unknown. Then from around 2016 it started to snowball in popularity and suddenly all these heavily made-up women in lots of make-up started to appear producing videos that were extremley sexual in nature. All breathless, seductive gazes into the camera, lots of banana sucking and eating and the like and women massaging each other. A lot of people who didn't know anything about ASMR have looked it up when it became popular, and who can blame them for thinking it's some kind of sexual fetish. I suspect a few of the sexual ones are a clear pornographic advertisement of their porn accounts. The same ASMR and jumped on the bandwagon.

Wait did ASMR not start as a porn-ish thing?! My first experience with it was randomly clicking through twitch and watching a woman make wet noises and moaning.

[EarthSight]

So your peers are viewing porn at lunch then. There's no difference between what they're doing at getting out a Playboy magazine. It's disgusting behaviour.

ASMR has experienced the same thing - I remember years ago when it was pretty much unknown. Then from around 2016 it started to snowball in popularity and suddenly all these heavily made-up women in lots of make-up started to appear producing videos that were extremley sexual in nature. All breathless, seductive gazes into the camera, lots of banana sucking and eating and the like and women massaging each other. A lot of people who didn't know anything about ASMR have looked it up when it became popular, and who can blame them for thinking it's some kind of sexual fetish. I suspect a few of the sexual ones are a clear pornographic advertisement of their porn accounts. The same ASMR and jumped on the bandwagon.

[H2OConnoisseur]

Even on MN people are encouraging each other to get on OF. Amazing. Think I'll just have to accept that in this world women will always be seen as sexual objects. Where's the fucking equality in that.

[Chisandbiscuits]

I honestly wouldn’t give a fuck if someone said I had internalised misogyny if I objected to stuff like this. I would simply say that’s a load of crap and I’m surprised you’re stupid enough to fall for it, I have higher standards for myself. Then I’d search for like-minded people to be friends with and ditch the creepy OF types. Small acts of rebellion build a movement and I’ve often been on the wrong side of what’s popular over the years - only for what I’ve believed to become mainstream at a later date and prove me right.

Be true to yourself OP even if you lose friends to begin with it’s better for the soul in the long-term.

[H2OConnoisseur]

@coronaway

The examples given in this thread are disgusting yet I'm not shocked by them. It really does feel like I'm living in an alternative reality sometimes.

I've pretty much given up voicing my opinion though as like the OP find the tide too great to turn. I genuinely don't see how this ends now. A lot of men seem to think how easy women have it because they can just sell some feet pics online to pay the rent. They almost act as though they're the discriminated sex.

Ah yes, the 'I 100%, no questions asked, would if women would buy my pictures and videos but I'm not gay so don't ask me to cater to gay men why are women so privileged' brigade.

[H2OConnoisseur]

In my 20s and none of my male friends talk like this - it isn't even a case of maybe they do when I'm not around. They are anti patriarchy types, come on demos for women's Day etc. General good eggs. I would never be friends with men that talked about women in a degrading way.

I wish I knew where to find friends like yours! Unfortunately, the most anti-patriarchal male friends of mine tend to believe that it's genuinely a good thing that sexual work is so accepted and widespread as they see it as a way for women to gain financial benefit while also being sexually free like men. Can't 'blame' them though as so many women seem to incessantly speak about how OF is the epitome of female empowerment and a 'feminist movement' so maybe they see it as a win-win to support the whole 'cause'. It's messed up either way.

[coronaway]

The examples given in this thread are disgusting yet I'm not shocked by them. It really does feel like I'm living in an alternative reality sometimes.

I've pretty much given up voicing my opinion though as like the OP find the tide too great to turn. I genuinely don't see how this ends now. A lot of men seem to think how easy women have it because they can just sell some feet pics online to pay the rent. They almost act as though they're the discriminated sex.

[MarshmallowSwede]

I am with you.. I’m anti porn. I’m anti sex work. I don’t see why women keep accepting this as normal.

I believe that women need to speak up more about this. The WhatsApp group makes you uncomfortable so there is no need for you to subject yourself to that.

I hate to see what society will look like in 10-15 years.

[ScrollingLeaves]

OnWednesdaysWeWearMink
“1) a large amount of posts from girls claiming they want to go through a “hoe phase” and get over their ex by sleep around and 2) an equally large number of posts from girls upset about guys just using them for sex... “

When girls/woman try to say they are empowered by selling sex/photos/porn you often wonder if that isn’t just a way to regain a sense of power following on from what was effectively abuse followed by deep unhappiness.

Promiscuity can be a symptom of previous abuse so maybe this trend is following a comparable pattern.

If young girls ‘fall in love’ then find themselves being choked, spat on, coerced into anal sex etc then dumped maybe they are looking for getting back control.

From the outside it looks like getting more abused and used though.

[Lizzie523]

@H2OConnoisseur

New intern coming in at work, and having seen her Instagram, people are discussing if she might have an OnlyFans. 'Almost all women especially the hot ones have them these days.' Direct quote from the person who's going to be her 'supervisor' of sorts. Zzz.

OP I am shocked to hear you are going through this at work and socially.

In my 20s and none of my male friends talk like this - it isn't even a case of maybe they do when I'm not around. They are anti patriarchy types, come on demos for women's Day etc. General good eggs. I would never be friends with men that talked about women in a degrading way.

Your workplace sounds highly unprofessional as well. Again, I work at a pretty young place and this sort of comment would never fly there either.

I did once see an acquaintance who claimed to be a feminist promoted her friend's onlyfans a few times. I unfollowed her.

[OnWednesdaysWeWearMink]

I am shocked by the amount of posts I see on Tiktok promoting becoming a sugar baby or starting an Only Fans. It amounts to the grooming of teenage girls - and sadly some must be naive enough not to see how exploitative it is. It’s all well and good to claim you’re a girl boss for selling nudes, but we all know that girls lives will still be ruined when they get spread around the school. Boys will not be shamed for buying/requesting them.

I am also shocked by the normalisation of “kinks” by teens on the platform too. As OP said, chokeing is trendy. Spitting in a girl’s mouth is also apparently a thing (?!?).

Two other types of content on the platform I’ve seen are 1) a large amount of posts from girls claiming they want to go through a “hoe phase” and get over their ex by sleep around and 2) an equally large number of posts from girls upset about guys just using them for sex...

It’s all adding up to a lot of free sex for men and not such great consequences for women...

[H2OConnoisseur]

The worst thing is that these type of comments aren't even seen as creepy anymore. It's just like asking your friends for a link to someone's Instagram account. If there are Uni clubs supporting this and women on Uni Facebook pages offering their 'mentorship' to other students about this is it really a seedy thing anymore?

[H2OConnoisseur]

New intern coming in at work, and having seen her Instagram, people are discussing if she might have an OnlyFans. 'Almost all women especially the hot ones have them these days.' Direct quote from the person who's going to be her 'supervisor' of sorts. Zzz.

[H2OConnoisseur]

@IDanielRadcliffe

I’m a couple of years older than you OP but I really feel for you. I feel quite fortunate that I’m maybe more part of an alternative crowd because I would really struggle with my friendship groups being like this. I’m aware of the pornification of society but having to confront it every day must be difficult. There are probably others with similar views to you but too scared to speak out.

It's a self-fulfilling prophecy I think. Most people won't speak out because of the 'abuse' they'll receive, and when you don't see anyone speaking out, it gets even more difficult to say something that will go against the grain.

I've deleted my Instagram, muted Facebook, restricted my Reddit account to subs where I won't see any of such posts, deregistered from the student forums, and muted a fair few WhatsApp groups but it's like the whole concept has spread like wildfire over the past year.

It's in the news, my peers at work are fully behind it and have no qualms about scrolling though OnlyFans while out for lunch since it's 'just like Instagram' except it's not, and even twitch which originally started as a streaming site where people would play and discuss games seems to be overrun by 'hot tub' streamers wearing barely anything directing people to their OF.

I mean, a lot of the major streamers on twitch have tween audiences in the tens of thousands viewing daily and when OF is being discussed so cavalierly and like it's a positive thing, with plenty of cam girls and their OF links less than 2 clicks away on the same site, what hope is there?

[IDanielRadcliffe]

I’m a couple of years older than you OP but I really feel for you. I feel quite fortunate that I’m maybe more part of an alternative crowd because I would really struggle with my friendship groups being like this. I’m aware of the pornification of society but having to confront it every day must be difficult. There are probably others with similar views to you but too scared to speak out.

[ShamedBySiri]

"AVN reported Riley was born and raised in Dallas, Texas and reportedly wanted to be involved in the adult film industry from a young age."

I wonder how young that young age was? Given he was 22 when he died.
I can't imagine how I'd feel if a child of mine expressed such an ambition from a young age.

[EverythingWasGolden]

You should sound bitter. We all should. How did it come to this?!

I'm so angry for the children and young people growing up with this as their world view of sex.

[H2OConnoisseur]

Unfortunately (and I know this is probably a self-fulfilling prophecy), the days of 'challenging' anything seem to be long over. Everything is so black and white now and if you say anything that goes against the grain (especially on sites like Uni boards and circles where your name is there for all to see) you will be publicly called out and, in the case of any anti-porn rhetoric, be shamed/pitied for having internalised misogyny, being anti-feminist, sex-negative, jealous, insecure etc. Those are all terms I heard from the pro-sex work team (said to wild applause) while I was in attendance at a Uni debate session while on an exchange program in the US.

Who would've thought that in 2021 the height of feminism would revolve around women being sexually commodified (under the banner of empowerment) by men!

Yes, I know I sound bitter.