But HM seems unaware of how HM's actions are likely to impact on female competitors - no concern noted about women's need for safety or desire for privacy.
When you look at advice from specialists who work with supporting people to manage and if need be exit abusive or toxic relationships, or work with abusers, one of the things that comes up is the phrase from the unhappy recipient of the relationship: 'they don't seem to realise'. Or sometimes, 'they say they don't know why we are unhappy although we have repeatedly explained. We don't seem to be able to explain in a way they understand.'
The advice is generally that the person who is unhappy has explained. Usually repeatedly, in a lot of different ways. The person doing the thing that is causing the other party distress has been given the information on this . It is not that they don't 'know', it's that they don't agree. It's that they do not want to change their behaviour, even though knowing it is causing distress.
There is a point at which continuing to do something that causes distress to someone else because it meets own needs, has to be questioned as to what needs exactly are being met? And is the distress of the other person, or being able to continue doing the thing that distresses the other person, what is actually desired?
Where there is no social reciprocation, mutual respect, mutual care, there can't be a repair of this. Reasonable approaches only work with reasonable people. And I'm starting to be aware of my own female socialisation which is always about trying to understand the other person's issue, to assume that they just haven't understood yet but would be reasonable if I could just find the right words.
I'm starting to think no. No one is this obtuse. No one is this blindly self centred. This is intentional, conscious choice to behave this way. And no, that's not sweet at all.