How deeply have women internalised this though? It wasn't men emptying the bookshelves and wetting themselves over 50 Shades of Grey which is basically a book about sexual violence against women.
Yeah, I am not convinced that it is helpful to see this as all about men being awful.
Fantasy around violence and sex seems to be something that is common both in males and females, and from well before porn was like it is now. I think men and women are both vulnerable to that kind of material, although men seem to prefer the visual presentation and women narrative and text. But that's a common difference between men and women in other areas too.
I read an interesting explanation of this some years ago based essentially on brain activity and things like hormones - basically it said that the same pathways and chemicals that related to aggression, fear, and pain, could during sexual activity lead to a heightening of sexual sensation, or a different kind of experience of sensation. For example, something that people don't always realise is that during sex, many of our senses are kind of dampened, even though we feel it's the opposite. So a hard or sharp touch can actually give a lot less sensation than it would under normal circumstances, and can also trigger a wave of chemicals that impact sexual experience.
When you look at it from that POV, it seems like a lot of what people are doing with some of these activities is trying to harness this sort of thing. Breaking taboos has a similar effect as well. All toward intensification of the sexual experience.
But in every case the more you use these techniques, the less "exciting" they become, and the less able the individual is to enjoy sex without them. Which leads to trying to push it even more.
This is exactly what has happened with porn. As people see more of it, it doesn't work as well, so the people selling it have to ramp it up to get the same effect.
There is no way that can fail to impact people's in-person experience of sex, you've trained the brain to react in a particular way.
So in a way, it's not at all a paradox that, as someone upthread said, by making sex not a sin we somehow made it awful. It's by not recognising that it is potentially dangerous, even when it's inside our own heads, that we have allowed it to manifest in ways that are absolutely dangerous and dehumanising.