Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Hermes Delivery Driver Sexual Harassment

114 replies

Seatime · 27/11/2020 11:34

I'm furious, my adult daughter received a delivery today from Hermes. The delivery driver said to her 'Sexy Slippers'. My daughter did not want a sexual comment on her clothing from man 20 years older than her. I know it may sound unharmful but it was not, but my daughter felt humiliated, embarrassed and violated. She looked at her slippers afterwards as something dirty. I believe it was his intention to be creepy and shit on her experience as she was visibly happy opening the door, l was on video chat with her. She had really looked forward to the delivery because of lockdown and she had just recovered from covid. Women do not have to go outside these days to be sexually harrased. Has anyone else had sexual harrasment from delivery drivers?

OP posts:
Seatime · 05/12/2020 09:33

Thank you sisters for your anecdotes and comments! I feel really privileged to hear them. This is solidarity and feminism at work. It is really interesting to hear real life stories from women on what life is actually like. As opposed to say an ad campaign for fashion an image of perfection and beauty that we are all supposed to aspire to. As 'NiceGerbil' said harassers can take 'active pleasure in the confused discomfort' of young women. I think this is what went on with the delivery driver. He wanted to intimidate her and take the pleasure out of her delivery. That's what made me so angry, as she just got over covid and needed a treat. Small potatoes to some, but it is on a spectrum of poor attitudes towards women, which can have greater consequences. 3.5 women are being murdered per week, in lockdown by their partners in the UK.

OP posts:
Seatime · 05/12/2020 09:42

On the education question, that was in response to the onus being put on girls to keep quiet and take it. I think we all need to keep calling out sexism, in person if its safe, to show young boys how to treat women, through role modelling in families and in schools. It's a massive task that needs grassroots and government campaigns. It can be done, it will likely take a few generations, because early childhood messages are very hard to get rid of. I remain optimistic, in sisterhood!

OP posts:
Leftrightatthelights · 05/12/2020 10:10

So she was wearing novelty slippers and he said ‘sexy slippers’. It’s not great to make a personal comment like that but I think ‘humiliated’ and so ‘disgusted’ with her slippers that she can’t wear them suggests something deeper going on here. Being annoyed is a normal reaction, not this.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 05/12/2020 11:42

The reaction of the victim is not relevant, though. The harassment is what is being discussed.

A parallel might be that some people don't care if they are called fat and ugly, but the fact that some people can rise above gross insult does not excuse the person being gratuitously insulting.

Leftrightatthelights · 06/12/2020 11:35

It is relevant as most people wouldn’t have that strong a reaction. Therefore the driver would have been unlikely to have said it with any knowledge that it would cause her to be so distraught.

A better analogy is if I said to someone ‘I like your hair’ but I didn’t realise it was a wig as they’d lost all their hair and they were hugely upset by it. When no harm was meant.

It sounds like he made an offhand comment

C0RA · 06/12/2020 12:14

“I like your hair “ is not the same as “ sexy slippers “.

Especially when said to a young woman on her own door step by a man old enough to be her father who is a total stranger. And when he is from the group who are responsible for 98% of sexual assaults.

Even “ I like your hair “ is inappropriate depending on context. Would you say it to

A police officer who has stopped your car for speeding
An interviewer at a job interview
Your child’s head teacher who you have never met before
A medical consultant when you are in hospital
Your dentist while she’s doing a root treatment on you
A director of the company on your first day in the job
A judge when you are in court as a witness
The pharmacist when you pick up your prescription

No you wouldn’t . It’s the kind of comment you make when you have a personal ( not a business ) relationship with someone.

And it usually said to your peers or someone lower in status than you.

Context is everything.

So “ sexy slippers “ is inappropriate because

  1. It’s not a personal relationship
  1. He is providing a service to her, she is the paying customer
  1. We live in a society where men ( as a class ) sexually harass and assault women ( as a class ).
  1. He’s old enough to be her father
  1. He’s trying to move the interaction from business like to personal. Most women know to be wary of that because if they rebuff it they are “rude “ and if they don’t, they were “ leading him on “ and “sending mixed messages “.

Every single woman reading this thread has been in this situation - a man tries to strike up a conversation she doesn’t want , but she has to got along with it because of fear of how he will react if she chooses not to interact. Many men are rude or aggressive or even threatening of you rebuff them.

And ( in this situation ) they know your name, address and phone number. They probably k ow you are home alone. So we smile or play along for our own safety.

Most decent men who do this job ( or any other where they enter women’s homes ) and are extremely careful of how they behave. Because they understand how threatening it can be for a woman alone / with her children.

Decent, honourable men go out of their way to show they are just there to do a job and will be polite and respectful. Because they are aware of the context.

AlbusSeverusMalfoy · 06/12/2020 12:48

I had a female delivery diver tell me she gave my parcel to my neighbour (block of flats, lots of neighbours due to odd lay out) asked which neighbour? She said a fat man. Rude but we have a few people on the large side, I asked what she meant by fat? She replied ... fat like you.
She's lucky I didn't sit on her with my fat arse. And yes I put in a complaint.

AlbusSeverusMalfoy · 06/12/2020 12:49

Both i and delivery driver are female.

xxyzz · 06/12/2020 13:26

Slightly derailing this thread, sorry, but thanks to the poster who suggested stopcocks.uk.

Does anyone know of a female firm of roofers in the London area?

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 06/12/2020 13:54

Following the derail: unfortunately stopcocks don;t have anyone available in this area, blast it. Back to the drawing-board, while the tank in the loft continues to leak intermittently.

On the subject of the thread,
If a person cannot see that someone being gratuitously offensive is, well, offensive, he or she can't see it. There is not a lot to be done about that.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 06/12/2020 17:35

www.womentradersdirectory.co.uk/

Try this?

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 06/12/2020 20:47

You are a star! (Even if it doesn't work, you're still a star....)

Fennelandlovage · 06/12/2020 20:57

Report it, the company will know who delivered her package. He needs to know it’s not ok.

EarthSight · 07/12/2020 09:29

Sexy slippers?

I'd ask them to make sure their drivers keep their foot fetish comments to themselves.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page