Hermes Delivery Driver Sexual Harassment

[Seatime]

I'm furious, my adult daughter received a delivery today from Hermes. The delivery driver said to her 'Sexy Slippers'. My daughter did not want a sexual comment on her clothing from man 20 years older than her. I know it may sound unharmful but it was not, but my daughter felt humiliated, embarrassed and violated. She looked at her slippers afterwards as something dirty. I believe it was his intention to be creepy and shit on her experience as she was visibly happy opening the door, l was on video chat with her. She had really looked forward to the delivery because of lockdown and she had just recovered from covid. Women do not have to go outside these days to be sexually harrased. Has anyone else had sexual harrasment from delivery drivers?

'No animal in the wild, suddenly overcome with fear, would spend any of its mental energy thinking, "It's probably nothing." Yet we chide ourselves for even momentarily giving validity to the feeling that someone is behind us on a seemingly empty street, or that someone's unusual behavior might be sinister. Instead of being grateful to have a powerful internal resource, grateful for the self-care, instead of entertaining the possibility that our minds might actually be working for us and not just playing tricks on us, we rush to ridicule the impulse.' - The Gift of Fear, Gavin De Becker.

Unfortunately not uncommon, I had the same with a driver from a different company. He would always comment about what I was wearing, and when I saw him when I was out and about he would say something inappropriate. I did send a complaint through but nothing happened, so just stopped ordering from companies that used them as the courier, but it's sad it comes to that

As much as I agree he is out of line, I’d also encourage resilience, feeling violated because he said the phrase “sexy slippers” seems a strong reaction to me, and would concern me if it was my daughter.

People are going to say stupid shit. It doesn’t make it ok, and you can’t change the world, what you can change is your reaction to it.

I'd really recommend buying her a copy of the Gift of Fear if she hasn't read it. It helps you understand why you react in a certain way in situations and how to trust your gut instinct and gives some good advice on how to react to strange men pushing normal boundaries. It's not something she should be ashamed about at all. It definitely shouldn't be dismissed easily as something to forget about, as men often escalate when they get away with harassing behaviour.

Thanks for the supportive comments, sisters! One of the definitions of sexual harrasment is unwanted sexual comments. His comment was sexual, because he used the word sexy. His comment was absolutely unwanted. Under the law the interaction is defined as sexual harrasment. It is part of a larger context of sexual harassment and intimidation which women are forced to live under. Women are being harassed in their own homes by men who have all their contact details. I agree if he wanted to be friendly he would have said, nice day etc. He wanted to intimidate and open the sexual door. It is called 'an invitation and a threat' as stated by Dorothy Rowe the clinical psychologist.

Stopcocks 😂 Love it!

He was being an inappropriate dick, but for your daughter to feel violated, embarrassed, humiliated and shat on sounds a bit OTT. Maybe I'm probably just hardened to it all.

I've had it the opposite way round.

I worked for Hermes last year and I had a business I used to deliver to and it was on a daily basis. Every day the same member of staff would rush out and make inappropriate comments to me, to the point I dreaded going to work knowing it was likely I'd be delivering to him. In the end I complained to his company and told Hermes I refused to deliver to him ever again.
Also left card with a phone number to be contacted about a parcel to then start getting text messages from a guy that thought it was acceptable to be really creepy to his delivery driver.

I would say put a complaint in to Hermes about the drivers comment to your daughter but complaining to Hermes can often be impossible. Usually have the same driver for the area though so I'd make sure I caught him one day and told him straight how inappropriate he was x

When is something harassment under the Act?
Generally speaking harassment is behaviour which causes you distress or alarm.

The Act also says you must have experienced at least two incidents by the same person or group of people for it to be harassment.

It's the courts that decide if something is harassment under the Act. The courts will look at whether most people or a reasonable person would think the behaviour amounts to harassment.

One comment is not harassment. Just tell him next time you see him "Any more personal or inappropriate comments directed at my slippers or me will be reported to your company"

Was he definitely being serious at their 'sexiness'? The context changes for me if they were big cartoon head fluffy ones...

Yes, I was wondering if he was being sarcastic..

@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross

Our decorator is a woman and it says so on her van. I've never seen a van which says "male decorator" on the side - it just shows that she is aware of the demand for women in the trades, how many of us there are who would prefer a woman coming into their home and working, that she can actually use it as a selling point.

There was a female only taxi company here at one stage, lasted about a month before they gave in as were continually bombarded with 'namalt!' calls, and graffitti and even a small protest outside their office. Not even sure if its 'allowed' now, as many do find it sad that women feel the need for something like this as..well NAMALT!!!!!

I would absolutely use a female only company, for stuff where I have to let the tradesperson into my home. Would put my mind at ease somewhat tbh, even though I do know namalt..don't worry lurkers!

@Pollypocket89

Was he definitely being serious at their 'sexiness'? The context changes for me if they were big cartoon head fluffy ones...

Yeah, because that makes it all ok if he was actually commenting on the lack of sexiness of her slippers

As a young woman she should know that she was put on this Earth to be eye candy for all men.

Yes. That's exactly what I mean. He was demanding her slippers should be sexy enough to greet him at the door 🙄🙄

There's a world if difference between a lascivious comment designed to intimate and some average Joe (or Josephine) making a daft comment on comedy slippers

What's NAMALT?

Whilst it was an unneccessary comment, feeling violated is excessive.
Other pp saying find some resilience are
not wrong, life will be exhausting if you choose to be offended by every little comment.

I'm glad you're not listening to any of these morons trying to gaslight you and your daughter into blaming your daughter for overreacting, OP. As usual a lot of male-apologists here are trying to pretend that social context does not exist.

@Pollypocket89

Yes. That's exactly what I mean. He was demanding her slippers should be sexy enough to greet him at the door 🙄🙄

There's a world if difference between a lascivious comment designed to intimate and some average Joe (or Josephine) making a daft comment on comedy slippers

I think that’s a bit of a reach to be honest. It’s the sort of thing I’ve said about cartoon ties or socks. It doesn’t mean I’m demanding the bloke wears a sexy tie for my benefit.

Also, please let us know the results of the complaint. Hearing about fellow women standing up against everyday sexism gives the rest of us energy to continue doing the same.

Bluntness, now i was being sarcastic regarding the pps reply to me xd

"gaslighting", "morons" - well thank you!

I've just become a bit careful when it comes to calling for punishment, sackings, excommunication etc. for things that seem pretty shitty but not crimes. It could be you next time.

If someone gives you the creeps, absolutely, listen to your inner voice and take appropriate measures. Nobody would deny that we live in a sexist society drenched in male sexual entitlement. But humans are sometimes woefully inadequate at understanding how they come across.

This is a link to Jo Brand brilliantly rebutting how women get worn down by comments.

But humans are sometimes woefully inadequate at understanding how they come across.

Even if this is the case, reporting him will ensure he receives training to stop him from being 'woefully' inept at conducting himself in a normal, professional manner; which will benefit him in terms of job retention. It isn't the case, though.

I don't disagree. There's that nice expression 'having a word with' - confronting an individual about something they've done wrong with the intent of giving that person the space to reflect on their behaviour and do better next time. Sometimes 'having a word' works (obviously NOT a substitute for punishment in case of criminal behaviour) and, as a society, we've become too timid when it comes to openly confronting people about crappy behaviour (provided it's safe, of course).

It was meaningful to hear other women's stories about when they had been harassed by men. Thank you for sharing, l hope it was helpful for you and maybe healing to have some solidarity with other women. Though I know we are all to an extent screaming into the void, here on the Internet. Suzanne Moore said recently that, feminism is women telling their stories, UnHerd.
I am an optimist, l look forward to an era when women can live in dignity and liberation. We can make this happen through telling how we feel when men harass us. How we respond in the moment is a personal choice and l'm guessing mostly based on what is a safe and sensible option. Maybe instead of teaching women how to respond to harassment, men should be educated not to do it.
If it looks like l've been pearl clutching, l would say that acknowledging and talking about how you feel is a strength that leads to resilience. Debate is healthy too and l would always encourage it, there has been plenty of food for thought in this one. Thank you sisters!