Hermes Delivery Driver Sexual Harassment

[Seatime]

I'm furious, my adult daughter received a delivery today from Hermes. The delivery driver said to her 'Sexy Slippers'. My daughter did not want a sexual comment on her clothing from man 20 years older than her. I know it may sound unharmful but it was not, but my daughter felt humiliated, embarrassed and violated. She looked at her slippers afterwards as something dirty. I believe it was his intention to be creepy and shit on her experience as she was visibly happy opening the door, l was on video chat with her. She had really looked forward to the delivery because of lockdown and she had just recovered from covid. Women do not have to go outside these days to be sexually harrased. Has anyone else had sexual harrasment from delivery drivers?

There's a brilliantly scripted moment in Brooklyn 99 where Jake and Amy are discussing the everyday sexism that she experiences. He has been oblivious to all this, and comments on how sad it is, to which she shrugs and says, "Oh, it's OK - I'm used to it." "That's even sadder!" he exclaims.

It just sums up how quite a lot of "good guys" - the ones who aren't creeps, etc, themselves - still have no idea what the day to day experience of being a woman is actually like.

They honestly think have carte blanch to say or do pretty much anything to us, irrespective of the circumstances of our interaction with them.

I once got invited in for an account review (aka trying to persuade me to get a loan or overdraft) at my bank. The next day I had a call on my mobile for the bloke that did it, saying he thought I was hot and would I like to go in a date - I asked where he got my number from and he readily admitted he took it from my account. I mean - what the fuck?! Told him to leave me alone in no uncertain terms but in hindsight should have reported him to the bank.

I hear you, OP, and that's why I think free speech is important. If we only tell the stories we know will receive 100% agreement, we'll have fewer stories to tell.

As for educating men not to harass, at a more basic level, I think we have to educate men to see women as full human beings, and ends in themselves. We've come a long way since only a couple of generations ago but have far to go yet.

I've got a story about unwanted attention too: had to have my car fixed once and when I picked it up, the ashtray (which had been disgusting before, I was a heavy smoker) was spotless, and there was a note with a number and name on it, too. Was that kind of sweet or kind of creepy? I still don't know.

Take a new pair of windscreen wiper blades to the counter in a hardware shop only to be told that you can't buy those now because the man who fits them is on his lunch break and won't be back until after two (and your own lunch break ends at two) -- is that sexist, stupid, or just an indication that the shop doesn't really want to serve customers?

That wasn't harassment, but it for sure was casual sexism.

And of course men have no idea that this sort of thing is standard; it doesn't happen to them. I would hazard a guess that there is not a man in the entire country who has had it suggested to him by a shop assistant that he can't change the wiper blades on his car.

I just had an Amazon delivery driver pretend (I hope) to take a photo of me and then called me sweetheart. And it made me feel so uncomfortable!

I can't imagine a female delivery driver doing or saying this to me - or my husband.

When are they going to learn that it is not okay to make people feel like this?

I haven't read the whole thread but I did see OP's post and I am sad to read that your daughter was spoken to like this. Feels unreal that it's 2020!

I hate that people are defending the driver, why is it appropriate to comment, why on earth as a woman should she have been expected to respond with a smile because he hasnt had much conversation during the day so he has somehow become entitled to female attention, I work at home all day alone I dont sexually harrass our postman when he is trying to post the letters.

The driver's remark is indefensible, so I'd say the apologists can be ignored.

Nobody on here has said that the response to the driver should have been a smile.

Actually another poster has explained that the driver was likely expecting her to smile having had no contact throughout the day, whilst poster also makes reference to saying something in return if she must, she does this whilst minimising the negative experience of the woman throughout and blames her for being over sensitive and that Hermes would roll their eyes if they heard about it. The post legitimises the drivers actions and suggests he was only trying to make her smile, why should he be able to make someone uncomfortable to try to get a smile?

I mentioned smiling in my post -not to say she should smile at him, but in the context of two human beings smiling in greeting each other ??

If my partner does something to 'make me smile', 'make me laugh' etc. The 'make' is not translated as 'force', merely to provoke/encourage/share a feeling of happiness/mirth/lightness.

Clearly this bastard completely got his comment on the slippers wrong. He is an utter, sexist fucker and he should have kept his perverted, misogynist thoughts to himself.

I have heard people say that girls of fourteen or less ought to have been flattered when a man working on a building site made loud comments to his mates about what he'd like to do with her -- after all if he didn't comment she'd know she wasn't attractive.

I'm struggling to see a difference in kind.

BeepBoopBop , there is a difference between someone well known to you saying something intended to raise a smile, and total stranger saying something of a sexual nature to you. One is affectionate; the other is predatory.

"Great slippers!" would be light-hearted, smile-inducing. "Sexy slippers" is neither.

I was harrassed at my local Sainsbury's. One particular young man works on the Self Service tills. He'd loom over me (I'm short, he's tall) and ask me questions about myself. He wanted to give me his number so I could arrange coffee with him. When I told him I had a boyfriend he still wouldn't drop it.

I changed the way I shop so I'd avoid him, or I'd make sure that he wasn't working in that section. The embarrassing thing is I'm an opinionated woman in my late 40's and felt I couldn't tell him to get to fuck.

I hadn't seen him around for a month or so and used the self service tills recently. He was there, but stood back respectfully and was politely formal. It was such a relief. I wonder if he'd been told. I'd mentioned to a friend this had happened, and she guessed who he was immediately, so perhaps I'm not the only woman he's creeped on.

The comment was totally inappropriate and not excusable, but your daughter's reaction still seems quite extreme unless she has particular reasons for being especially upset by it. If a delivery driver said that to me I'd just think he was a twat. I'd probably give him a bit of a hard stare.

thisisnotdelivery drivers are now sometimes taking pictures as a way of proving that a parcel has been delivered, it's a safety measure to avoid signatures (and the handling of devices that entails). But I'm surprised there haven't been challenges about photos of people (rather than just parcels)they should surely just be taking a photo of the parcel. I would raise it with Amazon to follow up with the driver.

@CousinKrispy

thisisnotdelivery drivers are now sometimes taking pictures as a way of proving that a parcel has been delivered, it's a safety measure to avoid signatures (and the handling of devices that entails). But I'm surprised there haven't been challenges about photos of people (rather than just parcels)they should surely just be taking a photo of the parcel. I would raise it with Amazon to follow up with the driver.

Thank you. I laughed at the time and said "I know you're just joking" but more out of shock. But after he left I got really paranoid that actually he might have taken a photo of me. My husband said I should report it too.

Despite some of the unfounded accusations of excusing the driver's behaviour (which literally everyone on here accepts was bad), this is an interesting thread because it just shows how pervasive the issue of unwanted, creepy, but not illegal, male behaviour is, when you are just a woman going about your business in public space. I'm fascinated to hear that it doesn't matter whether you're a teenager or in middle age, you still get that sort of behaviour, and it creates fear, intimidation, worry.

I do think there is something systematic about it that is designed to prevent our sex from achieving a certain uninterrupted flow in our daily lives. I love being in public, walking, going around on my bike, having random conversations, observing what's around me, and I wonder whether these sorts of intimidating interactions are meant to put us in our place and to remind us that we can never be in charge.

Sorry, this is starting to sound a bit tin-foily - is it maybe just a feature of human nature that some people are out to dominate and intimidate others, and men are using inappropriate sexualised behaviour to put women in their place because they know it works?

@dayoftheclownfish

Despite some of the unfounded accusations of excusing the driver's behaviour (which literally everyone on here accepts was bad), this is an interesting thread because it just shows how pervasive the issue of unwanted, creepy, but not illegal, male behaviour is, when you are just a woman going about your business in public space. I'm fascinated to hear that it doesn't matter whether you're a teenager or in middle age, you still get that sort of behaviour, and it creates fear, intimidation, worry.

I do think there is something systematic about it that is designed to prevent our sex from achieving a certain uninterrupted flow in our daily lives. I love being in public, walking, going around on my bike, having random conversations, observing what's around me, and I wonder whether these sorts of intimidating interactions are meant to put us in our place and to remind us that we can never be in charge.

Sorry, this is starting to sound a bit tin-foily - is it maybe just a feature of human nature that some people are out to dominate and intimidate others, and men are using inappropriate sexualised behaviour to put women in their place because they know it works?

I agree. And think it's something I have only just started waking up to. I can't believe I have got so far in life without questioning this. My eyes have really been opened recently. And my tolerance is wearing thin.

Wayyyyyy over-reaction! He said her slippers were sexy, he didnt say she was sexy.

This is crazy!!

I had similar with an M&S driver I tried complaining to M&S who brushed it off until I said I'd be informing the papers etc about it I won't go into details but it was a delivery of school uniforms for my DC and the driver suggested I'm might like to try it on.

Anyway they got back to me with a grudging apology and flowers. I said the point was that I was an adult and capable of dealing with it but what if he'd said that to a teenager or a vulnerable adult? The owner of the delivery company was much better he came to speak to me and the driver was moved to a storeroom job and had to go on a harassment awareness course.

Wellthatwassilly
Wayyyyyy over-reaction! He said her slippers were sexy, he didnt say she was sexy.
This is crazy!!

Not an over-reaction to be annoyed/upset about unsolicited sexual remarks at one's own house. Whether it was her slippers, her hair, or anything else about her whatsoever, not his business to say sexy about them.

Unwanted sexual comments are offensive anywhere, but in someone's own space, no, it's not an over-reaction to dislike someone who knows where you live apparently thinking sexual innuendo is ok.

Would you feel differently if OP's daughter had been the victim of rape or recently got out of an abusive relationship? Yes? ok, so: how was this obtrusive pest to know that she hasn't?

Huh. I had a gas engineer recently 1) tell me he works out and takes care of himself, could I tell from his biceps? 2) ask me to guess his age as most people can't believe he is 50! 3) tell me most women over 40 have let themselves go, are overweight so he had to come off OLD to meet the right type of woman (fwiw I'm over 40 and a petite build)
I was in the house alone and it was creepy as fuck but nothing I could actually complain about. I just did the girl thing ofmentioning my partner a lot and now I feel pathetic

I contacted amazon to complain about the driver, and they said it was actually delivered by Hermes! Which is so interesting because I had had another Amazon delivery earlier in the day and the driver was respectful, and wearing a mask (as all the Amazon drivers in my area do). He also never needed to take a photo of the parcel. And I got the Amazon message asking to review his delivery but I never got one for the later delivery. And I thought the differences in these two Amazon deliveries were so odd, but now it makes sense.

Anyway, just thought it was interesting - my complaint is with a Hermes driver and not an Amazon driver after all.