Pronouns at work - where do I stand? Advice

[Slurpy]

I was all in tizz yesterday, but I've woken up furious this morning.

A couple of weeks ago, an email came round saying a sub-group was inviting us to add pronouns to our display name (not even signature) but that it was supported by management, but not mandated. A few people did it, fine.

Yesterday I sat through two meeting where we were asked to have a real think about it, that it would be great if we all chose to do it... support trans colleagues, make it easier for people unfamiliar with our names to refer to us properly.

It's being presented as a neutral thing to do, the kind thing to do, a supportive thing to do. There seems to be no recognition that there might be another viewpoint on this.

I don't want to do it. But the strong (but not mandated) position is going to mark me out as pRoBLemAtic and I'm not happy about that either.

The timing was super insensitive, with Self ID on the table and certain hashtags trending.

Has anyone fought this off?

What is the role of the people in the meetings asking you to think about it? Are they peers or LGBT reps? It's really bizarre for people at work to single out one issue they are obsessed with and browbeat people into participation.

I guarantee you most people will ignore this and it will just fizzle out. I work at a university full of trans obsessed people and I've only seen pronouns about 4 times .

In the great scheme of things it is such a strange thing to be so obsessed with and for people to lobby so hard for.

We don’t have to disclose our marital status if we don’t want (I’ve never been made to choose Miss it Mrs) not sexual orientation, religion etc. These things are all pretty personal and of no relevance on the office.

You know the things you need to know - deathly allergy to nuts? Relevant
A very religious visitor coming in who can’t’ talk to/shake hands with women? Relevant
Have a disability that means you need something to help? Relevant
Just been diagnosed with leukaemia and are having chemo - well possibly relevant (maybe down to the individual to disclose).

I reckon in emails, the pronouns I use most are I/me/mine/we/our/ours and you/your/yours. I do use it/them a lot, but that's mostly referring to hardware or applications or processes.

I have tried to explain to some of my colleagues whose mother tongues are not English, that they should use Ms as a default title for women, but they mostly get confused, because they're used to using Madame/Señora/Frau, which everyone gets taught is Mrs in English.

No one has so far suggested we add pronouns to emails, and I haven't seen it, but I rarely read signatures anyway. We did recently a mail saying we should refer to master/slave hardware configurations as primary/secondary, and also connector pairs should be inner and outer, not male and female.

"I'm really not happy for my gender to be outed in this way"

Or ask them to explain completely what is meant by gender, please.

Another good one is that stating your pronouns in your signature is personal data that is protected by GDPR as sensitive data.
When you leave the company, how is the company going to ensure all emails sent in your business capacity with the signature with personal sensitive data, is going to be wiped, as mandatory under European Privacy laws? The right to be forgotten.

If you identify as he/him/his in your compelled pronouns, don't forget to barge into the Gent's three times a day, shouting, "He's coming in, ready or not!"

If challenged, say you're exercising your human right to use the facilities that best fit your gender identity. They'll need to check the rules on this which might be useful in future.

I'd be coughing and grumbling about the stench and spraying floral air freshener around on every visit. If you introduce some pretty handtowels and bunches of naff plastic flowers for the windowsill, I think you'll find the demand for pronouns soon does a death.

Fight fire with fire.

"He's coming in, ready or not!"

I think this is particularly good:

'I was keen on this voluntary initiative but I am unhappy with the pressure being applied which implies that not adding pronouns will be seen negatively - there are lots of reasons someone might have to not choose to do so and I dislike them feeling compelled or under pressure. Therefore respectfully I am going to decline.'

And this is particularly relevant:
I'm not being facetious when I say this is outing and they could be in trouble for insisting on it. Of course it's great for people who want to have the chance to declare their pronouns.

For others, it's akin to announcing your transgender status, which is something that the law sees as so private, there are separate DBS check processes to avoid anyone knowing, Girl Guide leaders are not allowed to tell other parents that people attending sleepover events have transgender status (have a biological sex different to their female gender), etc.

You would be in breach of the law if you 'outed' someone as transgender, which it seems like they're intent on doing if they insist.

@NewlyGranny

If you identify as he/him/his in your compelled pronouns, don't forget to barge into the Gent's three times a day, shouting, "He's coming in, ready or not!"

If challenged, say you're exercising your human right to use the facilities that best fit your gender identity. They'll need to check the rules on this which might be useful in future.

I'd be coughing and grumbling about the stench and spraying floral air freshener around on every visit. If you introduce some pretty handtowels and bunches of naff plastic flowers for the windowsill, I think you'll find the demand for pronouns soon does a death.

Fight fire with fire.

God yes please do this😂

I understand you feel pressure, but try to not ket them see that. You might be light, breezy, smiley and let it wash over you whilst you say no to it. If they sense that you're uncomfortable, they will see it as more of an issue. You don't have to explain why. Just don't do it or say a simple 'no'. Try pretending that you are the owner of the company and that these policies din't apply to you.

If that fails, say that you find the assumptions that someone would want to declare their pronouns on work emails the same as declaring someone's sexuality on their work emails. What if the person is working through personal issues? What if they're not ready to 'come out' with their gender yet? Even to say you're non binary or gender fluid would be outing you before you're ready.

I fucking bet you that if you say that with enough sincerely, they will slowly back away and hopefully shut up about it!

@BoobsOnTheMoon

I think I would point out the evidence that when women sign off work emails with a name that makes it clear they are female, they get less positive responses than when they use a man's name! I'll try and find the stuff about it. I'd say that I prefer to keep my gender and pronouns off my work emails in order to avoid unconscious bias on the part of recipients.

That doesn’t make much sense. The vast majority of emails have names at the foot and the vast majority of names tell you what the sex of the sender is.

That doesn’t make much sense. The vast majority of emails have names at the foot and the vast majority of names tell you what the sex of the sender is.

The evidence has been posted below.

Of course some names are typically male/female but not all.

When a name is "generic" the responses presume the person is male and act differently (with more positivity) than to a female.

Believe it or not your name matters and reinforcing women to state their pronouns is an issue.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/news/business/news/gender-inequality-man-woman-switch-names-week-martin-schneider-nicky-knacks-pay-gap-a7622201.html%3famp

Do you have to say anything. this happened at my workplace earlier this summer. About 3 people added pronouns. Everybody else ignored it. Never been mentioned since.

If forced, I was going to but me/my/mine

It's just reared it's ugly head at my work. 'Consultation'

I've told my boss all the arguments above. I suspect she's old skool and will resist. If we are forced, I'm theoretically agender and will be saying so.

I like to tell people that I perform femininity because of the patriarchy and if they choose to interpret that as compliance in c*s identity, that's their prejudice.

Chose male pronouns and ask where your pay rise is

Don’t you dare ask my pronouns
BY JULIE BINDEL
unherd.com/2019/10/dont-you-dare-ask-my-pronouns/

I'm veering towards 'ooh I haven't picked a side yet in the culture wars, can I get back to you about whether I care enough to comply with this or fight it?'

I doubt this issue will arise in my company - it's quite large and global, headquartered in France.

If it did, as I'm at the stage in my career where it seems they need me more than I need them I'd be quite tempted to borrow this from Vulvamort, the HairyLeggdHarpy :

pronouns: Are/Ro/Hyp/Nol

Errol

Wow! Yes.

The vast majority of emails have names at the foot and the vast majority of names tell you what the sex of the sender is.

I work for a multinational. I have absolutely no idea what sex some of my colleagues are by their names, particularly those in Asia-Pacific, but also many Chrises, Nicks, Sams, etc. Some of them have photos on the corporate directory, but that's not compulsory.

And I don't need to know. What I care about is their technical knowledge or their ability to do tasks in the data centre. If I need to refer to them in the third person, I guess I default to "they". Many don't have English as a first language, so I'm not going to fuss about their pronouns or other grammar unless it means I can't understand and need them to clarify.

There are so many brilliant suggestions here I am almost hoping I may be forced to use one of them.

I didn't think it was likely to come my way (NHS) but now I'm not so sure. We've been awash with rainbow lanyards for some time now.

We now have a new edict in the radiology department: for the avoidance of doubt it is now necessary to ask ALL male patients age 12 - 55 if they are pregnant prior to an X-ray.

If they're going to ask men if they could be pregnant then it's only a matter of time before they hop on the pronouns bandwagon.

The ridiculous thing is no one thinks things through to the logical conclusion. This is meant to be "inclusive". Much is made of the fact that when people change their sex markers on their NHS records it is confidential so this is the only way to avoid giving offence or making a mistake. I think the number of pregnant transgender men who are saved an ill advised X-ray is likely to be far exceeded by the number of transgender men who conclude that they don't pass and are being treated like a woman (by implication at least) or are even being subject to an unkind joke. It will cause unnecessary offence and be the very opposite of sensitive.

Remarkably, considering that I work in a university, when one of my colleagues recently suggested this in a meeting, my male boss shot it down immediately saying it was a sensitive subject.

Funnily enough my real name is completely gender neutral and so on Facebook you wouldn't know if I was male or female. This has resulted in me being offered a fight by someone after a heated debate on a local facebook group 😂 who must have then looked me up and realised that as I run a breastfeeding group I may in fact be not-a-man and retracted the offer saying he "didn't realise I was a lady" and would my partner like to fight him instead!!

FannyCann

"The ridiculous thing is no one thinks things through to the logical conclusion. This is meant to be "inclusive". Much is made of the fact that when people change their sex markers on their NHS records it is confidential so this is the only way to avoid giving offence or making a mistake. I think the number of pregnant transgender men who are saved an ill advised X-ray is likely to be far exceeded by the number of transgender men who conclude that they don't pass and are being treated like a woman (by implication at least) or are even being subject to an unkind joke. It will cause unnecessary offence and be the very opposite of sensitive."

Agreed. If misgendering is so very painful, surely this is a very blatant form of apparent misgendering from the trans men's point of view.

I am now thinking of the enormous number of comments this policy will elicit from all the natal men who are asked this as well as the question what responsibility trans men should have here. However dysphoric this might cause them to feel,, I do believe that they should reveal their biological sex when seeking medical care because it is a very relevant variable.