“Vulva owner“

[Kit19]

I’m just going to go & scream into a void somewhere

Bonkers.

Just taking my vulva out on a walk.

Vulvas need 2 walks a day dontcha know.

Yearly immunisation at th3 vets.

Wormings and flea treatments.

Them vulvas also need pet insurance

Vulva owners

Bet the woman who wrote this calls her mum her grandma and her aunties vulva owners

So I was speaking to a vulva owner at the shops asking advice .......

Fill in the blanks.

Bet she never calls a man a penis owner.

Total idiot

I fucking well unilaterally shut down a sex life with my (now seperated from) spouse BC I was sick of him nagging and pawing at me. Would 100% do it again.

Ppl can fuck off with their dehumanising of women.

The whole article is appalling.

Just a total shitshow of male / heteronormative/ men have needs/ etc etc and then the additional interest of being referred to as a vulva owner

In a relationship with a man and a woman, even if all is great, we are different sexually. Not in terms of 'men need it and women need to provide or else of course he'll pay for sex and then she has to be sympathetic'.

But in terms of stuff like

Pregnancy
Childbirth
Breastfeeding
Different times of the month
Adverse effects of hormonal contraception
Menopause
And then that we are more likely to get UTIs or have gynae procedures that might make us feel less than frisky

Whereas men while they vary of course have a much more stable situation.

We see threads on here all the time with women saying their men are hassling then for sex at various stages of pregnancy, while exhausted from a baby, while BF etc.

On top of that. Why vulva? I mean penis havers (owners) covers the main bit (although not the only bit) that men like stimulated during sex. Why not clitoris owners? That would be more in fitting with the article. They mention the bit that is most looked at. Hmmm. Interesting.

Shitshow of an article. This regressive sex is for men, women are there to provide, they are gatekeepers of sex but once in a relationship the gate must always be open, to the point of having a nice calm chat about why he went off and paid for sex and try to understand him... Poor chap...

The only reference to women's sexual pleasure is ambiguous at best.

Reminiscent of the teen Vogue 'anal is fun! Just use more lube!' article which omitted the clitoris from a diagram of 'non prostate havers' sexual anatomy.

Yeah a terrible thing all round.

Is this publication popular?

If Oliver! had a vulva ...

Who will buy this wonderful vulva?
Lips so big you never did see!
Who will tie it up with a ribbon,
And put it in a box for me?

There's never been a vulva like it
It could not happen twice.
Where is the man with all the money?
It's cheap at half the price!

Who will buy this wonderful feeling?
Deep inside you'll never feel dry!
Me oh my, I don't want to lose it
So what am I to do?
I'll share with only you
There must be someone who will buy?

Honestly, this whole thing is ridiculous. Vulva owners. Cervix havers. It's so infuriating to be reduced to sexual anatomy - like a vagina on a stick, operating manual not included.

(At uni, I briefly encountered a feminist group that insisted the word "women" was spelled "wymyn" so that it didn't have the word "men" in. That was bad enough!)

The ABC is Australia's national broadcaster. Can't stand up to politicians, so gets its clicks by pandering to the most regressive generation in some time.

If the person is real, and not made up as most likely, she'd be better served getting her advice on MN. Which at least retains some connection to the lived reality of hetero women cheated on in marriages.

InvisibleDragon fantastic!

I believe you can adopt abandoned ones from the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Vulvas but they have to check your house to make sure it’s a safe environment. You have to feed them and stop them getting sick and most of them don’t need a walk but do enjoy being played with.

Thanks for the info, Delerium. I have contacted the RSPCV as I fear the vulva owners mentioned by Tanya Koens may be behaving irresponsibly.

Dragon - dammit, that song has invaded my head ....

That story is the gift that goes on giving. I have to commend the searing brilliance of the research, the sheer depth of the writer's insights, eg
An affair is generally a sign things aren't right with someone's relationship. It occurs when one person sees an alternative relationship as a better way to meet their needs than their existing one.
No shit, Sherlock.

and
Some people see sex workers because it's easy to get what they want and when they want it.

I'd never thought of that, had you?

@Roswellconspiracy

Think that's the worst one yet...

I’ve just added “human flesh light” to my bingo card. Feels as though it’s only a matter of time. :(

one careful owner ?
easy maintenance, low mileage, service history...

This ^

Why vulva? ... Why not clitoris owners?

I don’t believe all vulva owners also own a clitoris.

Maybe they’re on a layaway plan, and some weren’t included in the earlier vulva models 🤷🏻

Be kind. Be inclusive. Be a responsible vulva owner and make sure your vulva is accessible at all times. Leave it on the kitchen counter if you’re tired.

And TRAs say we are obsessed with genitals...

Why is it only reproductive organs, never other body parts?

“Marks and Spencer are expecting an influx of hand owners looking for gloves with a cold snap expected this weekend.”

“Clark’s are bracing themselves for an influx of juvenile feet owners looking for new shoes with the return to school imminent.”

“Specsavers report a decline in eye owners undertaking routine checks because of fears around Covid.”

Why are people being referred to by their body parts? We don't go around saying someone's a nose owner or a ear owner or a belly button owner.

@NotBadConsidering
Like minds! I posted before I saw your post.

“The latest fashion trend for retro 80s style crop tops is set to be a boon for belly button owners everywhere.”

“Loss of sense of smell has been seen as a consistent symptom of Covid-19 in nose owners.”

“Stonewall are asking ear owners to put them to good use and report anyone using the term ‘woman’ to their local police as a hate incident.”

It’s the new, woke objectification of women.

And why vulva owner and not vagina owner?

I'm not sure how thrilled the putative male partner would be if it turned out his female partner had a vulva only and no vagina.

I suspect he might be visiting his lovely friendly neighbourhood sex workers (who strangely are referred to by their jobs not their body parts - they are not called vulva owners for hire) rather more often.

What is this obsession with vulvas? Does the author think that vulvas are the main erogenous zone for women, or the main area of interest for men? Do her women not have clitorises or vaginas? Are her men only interested in oral sex? I'm not clear what is going on here.

@Aesopfable

And TRAs say we are obsessed with genitals...

Now that did make me titter.... titter with my mouth folks (although TRA’s do get on my tits)... I’m a mouth owner.... And some of these comments are awesome. 😂

Good point about men not just wanting a vulva. I’d also have thought it should be vagina owners. Oh soooo complicated. We have toooo many parts, we’re soooo complex. It’s triggering. Triggering I tell you. We vagina owners are the cause of so many flounces!

The whole article is terrible, not just the vulva owner comment.

Women Vulva owners, if you don't submit to indulge your man's sexual fetishes more outre sexual desires and let him stick it in whatever orifice he wants, whenever he wants indulge his more unusual fantasies, he will start abusing prostituted women visiting happy, choosy-choice sex workers, and who could blame him, ammirite? (And remember, women vulva owners, you may have to ask the penis haver man in your life what his nasty abusive tendencies totally healthy, normal kinks are, because he may be understandably too ashamed too shy to air them without prompting).

The vulva owner woman who wrote to the mag in the first place (if she exists - generally speaking mags make up the problem pages entirely) needs to get herself on MN for a healthy dose of "LTB" and "he's scum of the earth for using prostitutes."

I almost certainly don't want to know the answer to this question, but while I know that transwomen can get neo-vaginas made out of penis tissue, are neo-vulvas even a thing?

Or was the writer being - shock horror - transphobic? Was she deliberately excluding transwomen by referring to vulvas rather than vaginas??

Vulva ownership is a new concept to me. Do they fasten in with press studs or is there a zip somewhere?

I'd like to part exchange mine for one that's better at continence please.

The article is exclusionary to trans men, who we are reliably informed can't cope with the Venus symbol on sanitary towels. If they can't cope with that they almost certainly can't cope with references to vulva ownership. Unless they've returned theirs to the shop for the penis exchange system that's in the small print of the little booklet that comes with vulvas.

Vulva ownership is a new concept to me. Do they fasten in with press studs or is there a zip somewhere?

As a teenager in the 90s the words “vulva” and “press studs” trigger all manner of memories. None good.