''lovestruck student who was given a wrong number by a mystery girl''

[Thelnebriati]

How is 'persistent pest who won't take no for an answer and scared his victim into giving a false name, address and phone number'' a romantic story?
The only good thing is that many of the comments (even in the Sun) aren't buying it.

He is a third year psychology student. He is going to be working with vulnerable people. Should one of his tutors take him to one side and have a chat?

www.cambridge-news.co.uk/news/uk-world-news/student-hand-writes-100-letters-18794615

When I was younger I often gave a fake name or number to avoid confrontation

Same. Happened especially often when I was 13-15 and they wouldn't take my age as a deterrent. In fact, that seemed to spur them on, wonder why (#sarcasm)

It was, to my astonishment, standard practice for young students in London to keep a second phone for precisely this purpose, as some of the men who pursued them were a bit too intimidating to be refused a number, and would check it there and then. Bastards.

@YouJustDoYou

When I was younger I often gave a fake name or number to avoid confrontation

Same. Happened especially often when I was 13-15 and they wouldn't take my age as a deterrent. In fact, that seemed to spur them on, wonder why (#sarcasm)

Ugh yes, being shouted at or chatted up by older men when I was wearing my school uniform 😣

Or my lesbian friends being told they "just need to try the right man"...

Or having to pretend my male flat mate was my boyfriend because "belonging" to another man is the only acceptable reason to turn someone down 😡

i really object when i am on a night out with just the ladies and men - or a group of men - decide to come and join us, uninvited. It's ladies night, we want to gossip and catch up, not spend our time making small talk with blokes we have no interest in....

i am usually very cold and unfriendly towards them, sometimes going so far as to say that we don't want to talk to them, we want to talk to each other. However, my pals nearly always chat, flirt, laugh, giggle - then complain that the uninvited fellows won't leave them alone... this has happened dozens of times, from when i was young and absolutely gorgeous to just earlier this year before lockdown (45years and counting..)

one of them once did the old 'can we pretend to be lesbians so he will go away' routine. I said 'no, you are flirting and chatting with him so he thinks you are interested, just tell him to go away and stop flirting!' a few minutes later, she said 'i have told him i have a boyfriend, he still won't go away.'

So i said, why are you still chatting with him, then. Tell him to go away. Be rude. You are acting as though you are interested and he is not listening to what you are saying, he is reacting to your body language.

She said that she was too scared to tell straight in case he got nasty.... this really concerned me ..... i am perhaps not afraid enough of men and will get gobby and unfriendly very quickly if they don't leave me alone..... but obviously other women are too timid, too scared of how men react, too polite maybe?

So we always react positively to unwanted attention. So that's maybe where men get the idea it is WANTED attention?

How many men have to negotiate this minefield on a boys' night out!!??

A creepy entitled student who was given a wrong number by a mystery girl he pestered in a park has penned over a hundred hand-written letters in a stalkerish bid to intimidate her.
Serban Raia painstakingly spent ten hours writing out the notes to the woman - known only as Amy - before posting them along the street where she told him she lived.

Serban began harrassing Amy in Radford Park, Nottingham, and decided she should have sex with him before she told him she’d go on a date with him to get rid of him.

Speaking to student news site The Tab, Serban, who, worryingly, studies Psychology with Cognitive Neuroscience, said: "Maybe things didn’t work out the way I wanted.
"But at least I know what kind of man I am, a persistent creep who women know to avoid, and it makes a hell of a good sob story for all the other incel types out there who feel entitled to women and won’t take no for an answer.’
“Given that I’d decided I should have her I decided to bestow my unwelcome attention on her, and I did not expect her to have the audacity to reject me.’

Fixed that for them.

Yes in my experience, saying quite aggressively “Fuck off, I’m a lesbian, that’s my girlfriend, I’m not interested, what part of that don’t you understand?” Is heard as “I’d love to sleep with you, and furthermore we can have a threesome with my girlfriend over there”

There is literally nothing you can say, and no way that you can say it, that will persuade some men that you aren’t interested. After all, you’re a woman, so you don’t get to decide that. Produce a man though, and they fuck straight off (apologising to the man as they are leaving).

My friend was just telling me that a man she knows in his seventies wants to marry her (she's 47). She is trying to be polite. I told her to say ''no thank you, a sexless marriage is not for me!''. I bet that would stop him in his tracks. Women shy away from communicating ''I find you so physically unappealing that it's a no, it'll always be a no''.

@Muser314

My friend was just telling me that a man she knows in his seventies wants to marry her (she's 47). She is trying to be polite. I told her to say ''no thank you, a sexless marriage is not for me!''. I bet that would stop him in his tracks. Women shy away from communicating ''I find you so physically unappealing that it's a no, it'll always be a no''.

Even the mention of sex will give him an excuse to start talking about what he would be able to do to her to ‘satisfy’ her. These men need very little excuse to creep into women. By the way, being seventy doesn’t actually mean he can’t have sex. She just needs to tell him she is in no way interested in being married to him and he needs to back off. Why the hell is she even letting him discuss the matter with her.

True true. He might start going down that route of how he could satisfy her 🤢
Not to give too many details of my friend's situation, but she cannot avoid him, and cannot control what he says. She is motivated to be polite. I would tell him straight "you are far too old for me so stop now". If he is hurt he is hurt. Im 50 and i wouldnt have the delusion to feel hurt if a 30 year old man told me straight i was too old for him. Men!

‘You were so elegant, genuine and sexy’. Yuk.

You were so elegant, genuine and sexy
Wet boak

@rabbitwoman

i really object when i am on a night out with just the ladies and men - or a group of men - decide to come and join us, uninvited. It's ladies night, we want to gossip and catch up, not spend our time making small talk with blokes we have no interest in....

i am usually very cold and unfriendly towards them, sometimes going so far as to say that we don't want to talk to them, we want to talk to each other. However, my pals nearly always chat, flirt, laugh, giggle - then complain that the uninvited fellows won't leave them alone... this has happened dozens of times, from when i was young and absolutely gorgeous to just earlier this year before lockdown (45years and counting..)

one of them once did the old 'can we pretend to be lesbians so he will go away' routine. I said 'no, you are flirting and chatting with him so he thinks you are interested, just tell him to go away and stop flirting!' a few minutes later, she said 'i have told him i have a boyfriend, he still won't go away.'

So i said, why are you still chatting with him, then. Tell him to go away. Be rude. You are acting as though you are interested and he is not listening to what you are saying, he is reacting to your body language.

She said that she was too scared to tell straight in case he got nasty.... this really concerned me ..... i am perhaps not afraid enough of men and will get gobby and unfriendly very quickly if they don't leave me alone..... but obviously other women are too timid, too scared of how men react, too polite maybe?

So we always react positively to unwanted attention. So that's maybe where men get the idea it is WANTED attention?

How many men have to negotiate this minefield on a boys' night out!!??

I was taught to be very clear that I wasn’t interested lest it be seen as asking for it/playing hard to get which i was told was unfair on the men! Unhelpful in some ways, but also helpful!

Sounds like a lot of my nights out, rabbitwoman. So annoying!

Eugh, I had a similar situation years ago. Guy stopped me and asked for directions, it was slightly convoluted trying to explain and I was going to roughly the same place. Long story short, I walked him there, made polite but clearly not interested conversation and at the end he really wanted my number, I almost gave it out of panic and not wanting to be unkind but just gave a wrong number in the end...

I almost gave it out of panic and not wanting to be unkind

It doesn't happen as much to me anymore but my tactic was always to say that I have a boyfriend. And then if they persisted I would insinuate that my boyfriend is a very aggressive, jealous type (in order to scare them off). It's sad to have to resort to that but it worked quite well.

I think part of the problem is this idea that women aren't supposed to approach men and that we're all coyly waiting for some handsome fella to come over ask us out. Even in online dating I hear women say "oh you can't message a guy after you match with them, you have to wait for them to message you". What? Why?!

@twoHopes

I almost gave it out of panic and not wanting to be unkind

It doesn't happen as much to me anymore but my tactic was always to say that I have a boyfriend. And then if they persisted I would insinuate that my boyfriend is a very aggressive, jealous type (in order to scare them off). It's sad to have to resort to that but it worked quite well.

I think part of the problem is this idea that women aren't supposed to approach men and that we're all coyly waiting for some handsome fella to come over ask us out. Even in online dating I hear women say "oh you can't message a guy after you match with them, you have to wait for them to message you". What? Why?!

Reminds me of mr Collins in pride and prejudice.. just because she says no she is just being demure

More than once, not wanting to give my number, I've said I'll take theirs. They don't like that. 'No I need your number cos I bet you won't get in touch if I give you mine'. Well....no! You can tell I'm not interested but want to insert yourself into my life regardless

The news story in OP is gone but I googled and found the guy. This must be the same interesting ensemble he wore on their date. Yikes.

Can’t think why she wasn’t interested 🙄

They often turn nasty when you say no don’t they?

Watching a silly program Selling Sunset and one client was persistently hitting on one of the female agents. She dealt with it so well think she was Israeli so didn’t do that simpering flirtything rabbitwoman describes was watching with my early teen girls and was a good example .

I’m so proud of my DD age 14 - The Notebook came on the tv and it is billed as a romantic drama. She said eugh that movie is so terrible so I asked why (I haven’t seen it). All her friends said it was so romantic so she watched it. She summarised the plot for me: man meets girl who isn’t interested in him. Man muscles in on her date with someone else and threatens to kill himself if she doesn’t go out with him. She gives in (with some encouragement from bystanders - male) and they go out. He encourages her to do dangerous things like lie down in the middle of the road (!) and it doesn’t really go anywhere and she manages to ditch him. He writes her a letter every day for a year (sounds familiar) which sensibly her mum hides but he doesn’t know that and persists regardless of the lack of response.
She gets married to someone but the stalker guy finds her and pressures her into getting together with him again. She develops dementia and forgets who he is (!) and he ditches his kids (who beg him to go back to them as they do know who he is) because romantic.
Hmm sounds pretty grim to me - no romance in stalking and harassing someone for a lifetime. I mentioned this current situation about stalker boy in park and DD knows all about fake phone numbers and why they are given out.
She hasn’t had anything to do with boys romantically yet but I’m so happy that she will not be a pushover.

Can’t think why she wasn’t interested

I know - such a snappy dresser!

She must have deliberately given the wrong number. I used to do that when I was scared to say no, however many odd years ago.

Back in the mid 90s a friends flatmate said a bloke had been staring at her the whole way on the train from Uni town > Home and freaked her out.

The next week he turned up on TV on This Morning and in one of the tabloids “desperately seeking Love at first sight brunette on train”. Needless to say she did not get in touch, but was always worried about seeing him again and got lifts home as was worried about the train.

@DianasLasso

But actually, telling them you're not interested doesn't work.... And a lot of the time, neither does pretending to be a lesbian...

Of course it doesn't. Men like that believe only male ownership matters. And they think (thanks to porn) lesbianism is an act for their titillation to be cast aside when the right man (them) shows up.

Neither does being married half the time. I had a man in East Africa chat me up. I had a wedding ring on, mentioned my DH (who was real) and he said, "we all know you Western girls wear rings and aren't really married". Yeah mate, if I'm going to all that trouble, it doesn't matter either way because I'm clearly not interested.

Reminds me of my stalker - I moved house and he still managed to track me down, and this was in the days before social media!