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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

''lovestruck student who was given a wrong number by a mystery girl''

134 replies

Thelnebriati · 22/08/2020 13:56

How is 'persistent pest who won't take no for an answer and scared his victim into giving a false name, address and phone number'' a romantic story?
The only good thing is that many of the comments (even in the Sun) aren't buying it.

He is a third year psychology student. He is going to be working with vulnerable people. Should one of his tutors take him to one side and have a chat?

www.cambridge-news.co.uk/news/uk-world-news/student-hand-writes-100-letters-18794615

OP posts:
Savananan · 22/08/2020 15:50

I agree @WagnersFourthSymphony, just really hoping there isn't an Amy reading it and now really worried and un-nerved.

WagnersFourthSymphony · 22/08/2020 15:51

Well at least everyone knows what he looks like now so they can avoid him.
Grin

DialSquare · 22/08/2020 15:52

@Catsup

It took him 10hrs to write that out 100 times, and he now has blisters on his hands. Was this his first ever time writing a letter? Poor Amy! Thank god he didn't insist on trying to check the number there and then.
That's assuming the blisters are a result of the letter writing!
wibdib · 22/08/2020 15:53

The paper should rewrite the story and add a massive chunk from the local police explaining the myriad of ways this is just plain wrong. And add advice for women on what to do if they find themselves in this situation. And for men - on how not to get in this situation.

SentientAndCognisant · 22/08/2020 15:58

Third year psychology student. Doesn’t make him a psychologist,or means can work with vulnerable people. It simply makes him a graduate with a psychology degree
It’s a degree loads of students do that doesn’t necessarily lead to working a psychologist
In fact chances are he’ll work in an unrelated area.

Creepy and really intrusive behaviour from him

Only

ktp100 · 22/08/2020 16:05

What a creep!

Hopefully Amy gave a false number, name AND street!

AChooooo · 22/08/2020 16:10

@SpongeBobJudgeyPants

Oh gosh. The sense of creepy entitlement here is astounding. Had to check my calendar to see that it is indeed 2020, and I am not living in 1950's BarbaraCartlandLand Angry
This
SophocIestheFox · 22/08/2020 16:13

In his head, they’re in act one of a rom com, in hers it’s a later episode of You. Brrrrrrrr, creepy.

Take the hint dude.

ClementineWoolysocks · 22/08/2020 16:21

But at least I know what kind of man I am

Would that be a creep who can't accept no for answer so keeps pushing it?

WaxOnFeckOff · 22/08/2020 16:26

Also,why didn't his family and friends stop him?

If this was either of my DSs, they'd have had their arse handed to them by now. I like to think I've done a job of educating them in the first place though.

SentientAndCognisant · 22/08/2020 16:31

You think someone eg friend would say, STOP you’re a stalker and a bell end

YouJustDoYou · 22/08/2020 16:40

What men don't understand - we don't know how aggressive or threatening/violent they will get, so we do things like give out false numbers, rather than directly say "I don't want you to have my number". They (men) cannot comprehend what this is like for females because they rarely, if ever, go through something similar, with someone they have to be genuinely afraid of do things like "try and track them down".

Redcrayons · 22/08/2020 16:41

I haven’t been on the dating scene for a million years and even I know the ‘give them the wrong number’ trick.

This is the opening scene of all those crappy meet-cute romcoms.

ChickNorris · 22/08/2020 16:43

I do believe that just like girls and women there are naive, trusting or romantic guys out there. Or - guys who just like girls soaked up some unhelpful ideas about romance along the way. I'm a romantic at heart but I am against anything that could perpetuate the idea of a whirlwind romance being the goal or falling in love super quickly.

However, to go this much overboard with it all so soon points to the idea that this is someone who is prone to over-idealizing people. And whilst that may occasionally appear flattering at first it is not a good sign, for a multitude of reasons. It's also right up there with saying 'I love you' after a few dates.
An emotionally healthy person needs to have an ability to weigh up someone's good and bad points without either changing the view of that person dramatically. So a cluster of good traits won't make them all good and one bad thing won't make them all bad (depending on whether the good isn't rooted in shallow or material things or the bad things aren't something serious that is being minimised).
This guy is a 3rd year uni student. That'd make him about 21, 22? I'd take that into account but yes, he needs to understand why his behaviour could be seen as too intense. Often for a very good reason. If he was genuine he has some thinking to do. Or at the very least growing his ideas up.
Whatever the case here, the girl listened to her instincts and I applaud her for it.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 22/08/2020 16:51

I saw this on Twitter - the consensus of opinion that he is a creepy and possibly dangerous stalker, that she deliberately gave him an incorrect number because she didn't want to meet him, but was afraid to just say "no, thanks" because he gave out a vibe that made her wary of his reaction, and that people hoped she wouldn't be "ratted out" to him.

Notredamn · 22/08/2020 16:56

The arrogance of him thinking the oldest trick in the book (give false info to people you aren't interested in) doesn't apply to him says it all. I wouldn't be surprised if this was even more sinister than it sounds and he's just appealing to get more people on board to track down his victim. As that's what stalkers do.

(Also the 'romantic' notion he sat and blistered his hands up writing 100 letters makes him look like he's never heard of printing off multiple copies from a computer before- idiot!)

ArabellaScott · 22/08/2020 17:06

Is this not incredibly irresponsible of the paper? Publishing this creep seems really potentially dangerous.

MintyMabel · 22/08/2020 17:21

I would say a not insignificant minority of psych students are drawn to the subject in a spirit of "physician heal thyself."

Having been involved in support groups for many years, this is also true of a significant minority of people who run them. Unfortunately, because they were volunteers, it was hard for us to weed them out.

DialSquare · 22/08/2020 17:22

“Given that we had such a good connection I decided to trust her, and not assume that it wasn’t that she didn’t want to talk to me anymore.”

This comment comes across as slightly threatening to me. Almost like he's saying "I'll give her the benefit of the doubt that she didn't give false information. I'll be angry if she did"
No thought as to why she would give him false information at all.

Jux · 22/08/2020 17:26

I thought everyone these days just found each other on facebook? I don't know how many times I've heard dd or one of her mates say "message me on fb" or "find me on fb", and the people who're chatting them up.

fwwaftp · 22/08/2020 17:40

Horrible.
I had something similar to me. Long story but I was staying in a mountain refuge in the Alps and a creepy waiter took a shine to me. It was awful. He said he knew where in the hut I was sleeping. I was fucking terrified even though there were others in the bunk room and slept with my emergency whistle in my hand. He started being creepy at breakfast too and in the end I gave him a false phone number and legged it in the morning when he started being creepy at breakfast too.

When I got to the next hut the next night some other people turned up who had seen what was going on and said "yeah, we thought he was a bit creepy and you looked like you might need rescuing but we didn't want to interfere in case you were interested in him".

The following week when I got home I got phone calls to my fucking house phone... he'd manage to use the information in the hut book (which you legally have to fill in) to track down where I lived and my home phone number. I was fucking terrified. I told him not to phone again so then he started making obscene phone calls and then I told him I'd get the police on to him if he rang again and thankfully he gave up - well, he might have given up - no idea. I unplugged the landline and never used it again.

So yeah... some of these blokes think they are being romantic and in fact they are just horrible creeps. I feel really sorry for Amy and I hope people who do know her have the sense not to let this creep know any information about her.

WinterIsGone · 22/08/2020 17:57

The story was originally in the Mirror, but they have pulled it.
And yet it seems to have gone viral and been repeated in countless newspapers.

I wonder whether Amy contacted The Mirror, or it thought better of it.

diddl · 22/08/2020 18:01

"I wonder whether Amy contacted The Mirror, or it thought better of it."

It's more likely to be him isn't it, hoping that she'll come forward or that someone will know who she is & let him know (hopefully not!)?

WaxOnFeckOff · 22/08/2020 18:05

There was a comedian, I'm going to guess Ricky Gervais, who once said he had no idea how women managed to actually go out with men as he described it as similar to going to have dinner with a bear (or a similar analogy) as you really had no idea how this person, who is likely to be bigger and stronger than you, might behave.

We need to instill this to our menfolk really, that whilst they may have nothing but good intentions, women will no doubt be wary just by virtue of the uneven power ratio. They need to be aware and respectful of this in how they behave.

NotTerfNorCis · 22/08/2020 18:09

Something similar happened when I was at uni. A man turned up at the door of our student house asking for one of my housemates by name. She was home with her parents, so I all innocently gave him her home number. Turned out they'd spoken briefly at a bus stop and he'd gone to every house on the road asking for her. She was furious with me.