Breastfeeding week

[breastfeedingweek]

There are really no words

It’s breastfeeding weeks and it looks like today’s focus is on involving men, I’m sure there’s been other accounts from women, otherwise that’s just daft.

I don't see any women's stories on the page. Just 3 men.

@CharlieParley yours is the breastfeeding story that they should be sharing.

It’s breastfeeding weeks and it looks like today’s focus is on involving men, I’m sure there’s been other accounts from women, otherwise that’s just daft

Nope, all men on that particular page. I don't think it's a bad thing for men to speak about it, it would have been nice though to maybe have the wives speak as well about how the support helped them or something.

Absolutely. There are many benefits to breastfeeding but the NHS seem intent on adding all kinds of “liquid gold” unproven shite to the list as a stick to beat non-breastfeeding mothers with. It slightly terrifies me that they’re now starting on fathers with the pressure too

Yeah. I don't disagree with the benefits as per research being stated, but someone categorically stating that it has decreased x and y is unhelpful. If he had said, we had read about how it can help reduce instances of X and y would be fine, but it's worrying what kind of pressure women might find themselves under from partners just reading that, as well as from everywhere else. I do agree that the benefits should be communicated, but not like that. Just my opinion though.

I think there is a place for men to teach other men how to support their partners while breastfeeding. My husband was pretty good taking on all the housework and cooking while I was stuck on the sofa for hours on end. I wouldn't object to him telling his story to another dad to be and telling anyone to get real if they expect to come home to a tidy house and a hot meal in the first months.

With social distancing many new mums are only going to have their partner to support them.

I get what they’re trying to do and it’s laudable. Normalising breast feeding, getting fathers on board etc. But the ‘we’ of the first Dad was irritating and very mansplainy. Hassam’s was good I thought. Showing someone supporting their wife, getting up in the night etc...

It’s contentious enough to try and promote breastfeeding because understandably some women don’t get on with it, don’t get support or don’t like the idea of it and promotion is often interpreted as having a dig. And sadly there are lots of couples where a man’s lack of support or discomfort at ‘his’ partner breastfeeding means the woman stops feeding this way. Whichever way you view breastfeeding and your own personal preferences and experiences, having a supportive, helpful partner is a good thing and to be encouraged. I guess it’s trying to encourage engagement and involvement with the baby’s wellbeing and care because breastfeeding is something men can’t do (And isn’t it a testament to the times that I almost felt ike putting a caveat in there. Almost )

@breastfeedingweek

It’s breastfeeding weeks and it looks like today’s focus is on involving men, I’m sure there’s been other accounts from women, otherwise that’s just daft.

I don't see any women's stories on the page. Just 3 men.

Was it the FB page? Just bothered my lazy arse to go and check and you are right. A couple of invites to join groups of mums but no women’s voices. More than daft! I take it all back.

Lewis is an idiot and someone needs to tell him he hasn't actually breastfed. Good on him for persevering through all the challenges of breastfeeding though

The other two would be fine in amongst stories from women, but it's frankly bizarre that they're only sharing men's stories. They don't appear to have posted any justification for that, eg saying that they're focusing on how people can best support a mother to breastfeed.

No justification at all. I messaged them and they said they were being inclusive of both parents in their breastfeeding stories.

I pointed out I hadn't seen any women's stories.

Haha brilliant. This is what so often happens with inclusivity, it goes too much one way. It would have actually been really nice to hear how the support benefitted the woman from the woman, rather than the man- the balance of both would have been really great, and something not often seen.

Urgh, David’s ‘I gave encouragement and praise’ makes it sound like his wife is a dog who’s being house trained.

Even leaving aside the 'we' stuff, its misleading.

Breast feeding does not lead to better sleep, unless you are the non breast-feeding partner. It's quite possible that in this family the second child was a better sleeper, but its likely that this had nothing to do with breast feeding.

Breast feeding has advantages but it doesn't work miracles.

Breastfeeding certainly hasn't led to much sleep in my house 😂 (unless you're DH of course).

@breastfeedingweek

The stories should be by the mums then the fathers afterwards possibly if that's what they want to do.

Men don't have breastfeeding stories.

^^ Fucking. This.

“When my wife is having lunch or dinner I take care of my daughter”. Hassan really is in the running for Dad Of The Year isn’t he.

When Hassan claimed that he now does most of the chores, my eyebrows lifted a little. Perhaps he really does, but I know too many men whose idea of "doing all the housework" is to wash up two or three times a week - bizarrely, often when there is a dishwasher in the house, yet they still insist on doing it manually to save electricity (despite the fact that it's more economical to run the dishwasher than keep running hot water from the tap).
Whereas the people who genuinely "do the housework" have so much to do they wouldn't dream of squandering the machines that will help them out when there is so much that does have to be done by hand.

Men do stop partners from breastfeeding sometimes and I can see why they want some men's stories of supporting to target these men. But the men should be the supporting actors, not the leads on this. I like OPs suggestion of both wife and husband giving their story.
I get very angry in breastfeeding week anyway. My DH pushed me to breastfeed because he had read all the 'breast is best' stuff, half of which when you look at actual studies is completely unfounded. He wanted the best for our baby and was told in no uncertain terms that this was it. I was very ill after giving birth and breastfeeding made me more ill. My DD had a bad tongue tie and NHS wait was 12 weeks so I had to exclusively pump as well. It was exhausting.
Then it turned out DD had multiple allergies and she became very ill as well from drinking my milk so I cut out lots of different things to try to make a difference so I ended up even more unwell. Eventually, a locum GP stepped in and told me to stop. I had to get my mother in law to talk to DH to get him to support me stopping because he still believed that breast was best even when it was making DD and I ill. As soon as I stopped my body could finally begin to recover and on hypoallergenic prescription formula DD was like a different baby, so much healthier and she finally started growing.
I have two friends who nearly starved and dehydrated their babies because they thought (and were told outright by midwives) that everyone can breastfeed, they just needed to try harder, and it would be the end of the world for them to have a top up. One baby was severely underweight until he was weaned. The other was hospitalised.
But you know, breast is always fucking best. No matter how ill or exhausted the mother and baby are.

AnIckabog so sorry to hear what you went through! I think stories like yours is precisely why honesty should be the underlying principle in any breastfeeding campaign. Because honesty would dictate including an acknowledgement that not every woman, not every baby can breastfeed. No matter how hard the mother tries.

I come from a country where all babies are given tea from very early on, as recommended by midwives, so there's no nonsense about confusing the baby and no danger of dehydration.

But because this isn't done in the UK, my son did get dehydrated at two months old, in sweltering heat, when I had to go sit my exams and obviously couldn't stop to nurse. My mother was just shaking her head non-stop at how ridiculous that was.

And the breastfeeding rate at birth there is 82% and 34% at four months. Not the best by any measure, but still a damn sight better than Scotland.

I thought you were all being harsh because I do think it's important for dads to hear this from other fathers. So many breastfeeding journeys stop because mums don't have the full backing of their partner who can push formula as the easy option. (Though I agree the tone is preachy and mansplainy).

HOWEVER... I assumed this was just the odd post interspersed with women's stories. But you're absolutely right. Not a single female voice to be heard. And the post they used to launch the week featured a picture of a baby latching onto a bare breast with the mother's head chopped off!! FFS.

Ugh, hate to go against the grain but I HATE all the 'women would keep going with breastfeeding if they were properly supported' lines. Let's assume women are intelligent and most I know would crawl over broken glass for their children. For me, formula was a very, very good option. The only thing that would have 'supported' me was more solid

The only thing that would have supported me was more solid research readily available. The NHS website is so vague that it was useless in trying to decide whether to keep going or not. I'd love information like if you BF to X weeks these are the benefits. Not vague assertions on reducing colds which I think is a bit BS

@edgeware

Devil’s advocate but they probably have some research about how much partners/fathers influence whether or not some mothers breastfeed or continue to breastfeed, and are trying to put out postive stories from fathers for that reason - in a very hamfisted way.

I agree. It's been done clumsily but I'll guess that there's some evidence that suggests that some women feel unsupported in choosing to breastfeed, and a campaign to get dads on board would be helpful.

Her breasts. Her choice.

There is masses of research out there about the benefits of breastfeeding, but it's at a population level not individual.

There's also loads of evidence that in countries where women are properly supported and breastfeeding is seen as the cultural norm then success rates are much much higher. Breastfeeding can be really flipping hard. If everyone from your partner to your mum to your friend is saying "just give him a bottle" when you're knackered and in pain then it can, and frequently does, end a bf journey before the mum really wants it to.

I am fully supportive of mums who choose to formula feed. But that's not what this is about.

I agree. It's been done clumsily but I'll guess that there's some evidence that suggests that some women feel unsupported in choosing to breastfeed, and a campaign to get dads on board would be helpful.

I understand that, but I still think that honesty is important. Practically I found breast feeding very easy, but I still found it mentally and emotionally exhausting, and it wasn't all lovely. I threw away the book that went on and on about how wonderful breastfeeding was - as in threw it in the bin so that nobody else would have to read it.