Tavistock: how many women hated going through puberty?

[Cfdmorris]

Thinking about the rise in teenage girls being treated for issues relating to gender identity....

I went through puberty at a young age, whist at primary school, and the first in my year. I was subjected to teasing, “friendly” gropes ( by curious female classmates), bra interference by boys, stares, comments....when my periods arrived there was no provision in the loos, and as still at primary my only teacher was male, so any issues I like cramps, sanitary product emergencies, etc I had no female teacher to go to. . We were also being forced into (single sexed) naked communal showers after games and swimming which was horrible when yours in only body that looks like that- to extent that I kept taking sickies to avoid those days.

I HATED going through that. It was often distressing and embarrassing. It was humiliating. If anyone had offered me breast binding, counselling, hormones etc I would have jumped at chance. I wanted to stop that process and just be a girl like my mates still.

So....how many women feel the same? If we took a poll, what % of women hated going through puberty and became mentally distressed by it to the Extent that they would have asked to stop it if that had been an option? how does that then correlate to the rise in female referrals?

Hated it. Didn’t want new lumps and bumps. Periods made me light-headed and sick, suffered with awful cramps. If I had been offered a knife to cut out my insides, there are times I would have.

Loads of unwanted groping assault?), hands on breasts, hands down waist bands in assembly, too worried of being told off to do anything. Made to feel sexless as was deemed ugly, so I was fair game for abuse.

I actually now understand, in part, the non-binary movement, I think I would have gone down that path for a few years. I hated what my body was doing, everyone told me I was repulsive so I clearly wasn’t a female as they were the pretty popular ones.

Absolutely agree that I understand why teen girls would want to identify as non-binary. My DD is 13 and many of her friendship group do just that. It is in reaction to the hyper-sexualised images of women they have been surrounded by since baby hood. There was a thread recently about the importance of having more non gender conforming role models and I think this is essential.

Absolutely I would have done anything to not go through puberty. It took me a long time to come to terms with being a woman and I feel if being trans was common I would have felt social pressure to say I was trans. I was awkward, had grown up around a lot of boys and as boys were considered superior in all ways this encouraged me to act more like the boys around me. I also was very practical, capable and strong. In college I was bullied and excluded because people thought I was lesbian. I'm my twenties I had a couple of great relationships with men and enjoyed exploring my sexuality. It took me a long time to settle into myself as a woman and I'm so grateful there was no outside interference or social pressure to label myself or my sexuality.

Hated it. Flat chested and teased mercilessly for it. Boys would randomly 'boob check' me and then laugh. Any accidental leakage would be all round the school and was humiliating. My mum wouldnt let me shave my legs, very pale skin, very dark hair. It was awful.

I too would probably have wandered into non-binary for shelter.

Somebody on the Newsnight thread wrote about how they wanted to supress puberty, partly to avoid male attention.

This strikes a chord with me and it's a real issue that girls are made to feel this way.

I went from a skinny 'tomboy' to curvy teenager with big breasts.

The boys would twang my bra, comment on me being top heavy and generally make my life a misery. Hated my stretch marks, avoided games and tried to conceal my breasts. I selloptaped my stomach too, which grew - I'm sure I'd be a candidate for breast binding now.

I felt self conscious about my hips. As for periods, well I felt mortified by those too.

I don't know any female who felt comfortable or confident through puberty.

It definitely impacted on my mental health and if I was promised a return to my flat chested skinny self then I may have jumped at the chance.

I would have I hated being a girl even before puberty and even more during it. I hate having boobs and periods but come to accept who I am. If someone had come to me during my teens I would have jumped at the chance to change.

Hated not going through it.

I developed quite late so when everyone else had bras and periods I didn't. It's not as great as it sounds when you are 14 and 15 with nothing under your see through school shirts. Not so great having having the possibility of a first period at any time hanging over your head for 5 years...

Cant really win

I absolutely would have "opted out" of female puberty if I'd had the chance. I remember wearing only baggy jumpers throughout a really hot summer when my breasts became impossible to ignore. All I wanted to do was disguise my shape.

This was the 80's so I had the obligatory "wedge" haircut and was really pleased when people mistook me for a boy . I didn't start my periods until I was 16 and I used to gloat at my friends when they had cramps or would ask me to check the back of their skirt in case their pad had leaked. Not my finest hour/s . I honestly thought at 16 that I was too old and my wishful thinking had actually meant that I was controlling my body. I thought that being female meant being weak and second class.

If I were a teen now I almost certainly would have jumped at being able to declare myself a man and would have gobbled down the hormones and worn the breast binders.

As with so many things I thought I believed as a teen I grew out of it. I don't think I was alone in my denial of wanting to become a woman. This is why, in my opinion, "watch and wait" is the only sensible approach with "gender non-conforming" children.

Agree. Wasn’t much fun being tallest in class with big boobs at age 12/13.

I hated it . Also like you OP I went through it at a young age but was also at boarding school so didn’t have any sort of release at end of day . Boys would grab my boobs constantly , girls would tease me . It was horrible.

I hated it, I'm pretty certain I would have taken the trans/non binary option if it had been available in my teens.

I felt out of place in my own skin, lost and lonely and angry about periods, pain, spots, fat and not being pretty enough

I'm very glad it wasn't a thing when I was a child, I have had the opportunity to learn to love being a women. So afraid for teenagers now losing out on that opportunity

From time to time I declared a wish to be a boy at age 9/10/11, largely based on famous five and liking ‘boys’ activities and sportswear. Cut hair v short etc. Was also v scared of puberty.

i hated it. I was a girl with short hair, very skinny. Outside of school I was mistaken for a boy which suited me fine.

Went through puberty at 10, left school for holidays & developed breasts over the summer.

Adults treated me so differently in such a short space of time. Done Women were suspicious of me. I think now because I looked 18 but I was still only a 10 year old. Men ogled me...sexually assaulted lots. I went from being happy confident daredevil out all the time to shy avoidance of going out at all.

I hated it. I couldn't wait for it to be over so I could leave school and get away from home. I wore concealing clothes - jeans, t shirts, baggy shirts and jumpers and shaved my head. I was the youngest and the smallest in the class and looked years younger than some of the other girls, but still the unwanted male attention was relentless.

I was a bit of an early developer and it was horrible. The combination of teasing/comments at school, being the first girl in my class to develop (not many girls in my class anyway and all still skinny and flat-chested at that age), and having brothers at home who didn't go through puberty until later was vile. I'd have loved to delay puberty for a year or two - at least until everyone else was going through it!

I went through puberty at twelve without much drama and was fully equiped by 14 , losing my cherry at 15 ( pretty much the norm in my year ) . I never had any confusion over my gender or sexuality, nor did any of my friends or classmates. The only minor issue I can remember is from some of the boys who'd try and look up your skirt or the occasional grope. Meant we wore loose fitting school jumpers and shorts under our skirts. But we were perfectly capable of handling the gropers with a well timed humilitating put-down or a knee in the bollocks. Interestingly our head girl ( 18 ) had a sexual liaison with our 25 year old French master - nowbody got fired or went to jail.

Hated it. Started puberty very early and had fairly large breasts by age 9, - was constantly groped and received comments from boys. At primary school the whole class was expected to get changed for PE together in the classroom - boys and girls - everyone would be giggling and nudging each other, watching me take off my school shirt. I was absolutely miserable. At school camp we had to shower in public - it was at least sex segregated but there was one shower cubicle with no curtain and the teacher would sit in front, watching to ensure we washed ourselves correctly. My classmates were also watching while they lined up for their turn. It was utterly humiliating and made it ever more obvious that my body was different to the other girls.

My periods started at age 10 and were heavy, irregular and painful from the very beginning. Like others have said, I used to fantasise about cutting out my insides with a knife. I wanted to be a child again and you bet that if I'd had the option to bind my breasts so I didn't look noticeably different or take medication to stop periods and delay puberty, I would have taken it like a shot. I would have claimed to be a boy, an alien, anything to make it stop.

Hated it.
Tall for my age and relatively early for boobs and periods. Can still remember the embarrassment of mum trying to talk periods - just wanted it all to stop for a few years.

Much more interested in animals and sport than boys. (Had other issues at home going on during secondary school). Was definitely called lesbian more than once. I was really just awkward, shy and had no confidence.

Hated it. Went to a school on a military base abroad. 11 years old in gym shorts, long legged, stupid breasts bouncing whenever I ran because my mum wouldn't buy a sports bra for me. Communal freezing showers after games, feeling so self conscious. I used to sleep on my front to try and crush my breasts out of existence. Lots of soldiers running around watching and commenting. When I sprained my ankle doing cross country in the mud, I got help pretty fast but the hands checking my legs started at the top of my thighs despite me saying it was my ankle that hurt. When I told my games teacher she told me I was overreacting. My dad's squadron called me "jailbait" ... my first lesson in men's desire being my fault.

I'm still not 100 percent comfortable in my body but back then I wasn't even 1 percent comfortable. I used to dream of turning into a boy so I didn't have to deal with all the crap. Squadron Christmas party and "Santa" (one of the pilots dressed up) trying to get me to sit on his knee as a 13 year old. Everyone laughing, especially my peers because they were all boys and thus safe. Getting told I was a spoil sport and that I wouldn't get any presents. My mother telling me I was making a scene. So many examples and no one intervened on my behalf. Surgery and hormones would have sounded amazing because I thought I was the problem that needed fixing when really it was them.

Yep. I'd heard that reducing calorie intake could stave it off, so that's what I tried. Thank goodness it seems to have done no lasting damage.

Started in year 7 so late 11/early12 - i went to an all girl school so dont share alot of the experiences described here. I also walked to school so didn't share some of the experiences my friends had of abuse from the nearby boy school.

We also talked openly about out periods, borrowed tampons openly in class - I doubt this happened in mixed schools.

I hated it. I was an awkward teenager. I escaped the worst of it by being flat chested and tall, I think. Older men did start creeping on me, but later than my friends.

I was most comfortable with it at school. I went to an all girls school. It was a really rough school and I hated being sent there but there was almost a code of honor about periods. You would still offer a pad or tampon to a girl even if you absolutely hated her.
If I had a daughter I would certainly consider sending her to an all girls school, but a nicer one than I went to!

You couldn't pay me to do puberty again. Not a chance, bloody awful experience.

Hated it with a passion. All of a sudden I was covered in very dark hair on my legs, my arms, my face. I was devastated. It was embarrassing and I was painfully shy. I used come home sobbing at the comments people made about me being a boy and being ugly. I ruined my self-esteem for years afterwards.

I probably would have transitioned get myself out of that situation if it had been a thing back then.

Intensely hated it. Didn't want anything to do with being female. Got the charming sexual harassment endemic in mixed sex schools for the bits of me that were related to my sex that I couldn't change, and also bullied for the gender non-conforming bits of me such as short hair, 'boys'' clothes and general attitude. So hated being female and sexy enough to be harassed but not feminine and sexy enough to be accepted and avoid bullying. The choice seemed to be 'be a good female and get harassed' vs 'be a bad female and get bullied'.
I had a history of CSA and at the time and even looking back I wouldn't say I was particularly unhappy in general or that I didn't like being at school. I had good friends and a stable family and although I wasn't interested in sex at the time I think I knew I was heterosexual.
I think puberty and being female can be shit. If I had been given any kind of opt out I would have grabbed it and I was fairly happy teenager in nearly all other ways. So I can only imagine what happens if other factors weigh in or you're vulnerable or homosexual.
When my life went more downhill a bit later I turned to restricting my food. This coincided with my first sexual relationship. I think taking that leap into being a 'sexual being' was terrifying and so I tried to make up for it by signalling to the world that I was not sexual by starving myself and reducing my secondary sex characteristics.
I think it took until having and feeding my first child age 30 to really make peace with being female, like it finally gave me something good.