Tavistock: how many women hated going through puberty?

[Cfdmorris]

Thinking about the rise in teenage girls being treated for issues relating to gender identity....

I went through puberty at a young age, whist at primary school, and the first in my year. I was subjected to teasing, “friendly” gropes ( by curious female classmates), bra interference by boys, stares, comments....when my periods arrived there was no provision in the loos, and as still at primary my only teacher was male, so any issues I like cramps, sanitary product emergencies, etc I had no female teacher to go to. . We were also being forced into (single sexed) naked communal showers after games and swimming which was horrible when yours in only body that looks like that- to extent that I kept taking sickies to avoid those days.

I HATED going through that. It was often distressing and embarrassing. It was humiliating. If anyone had offered me breast binding, counselling, hormones etc I would have jumped at chance. I wanted to stop that process and just be a girl like my mates still.

So....how many women feel the same? If we took a poll, what % of women hated going through puberty and became mentally distressed by it to the Extent that they would have asked to stop it if that had been an option? how does that then correlate to the rise in female referrals?

100% agree op
The whole thing was a nasty shock

I did.

I had short hair and wore my brothers' cast-offs. Recently, looking at photographs of my childhood, I was indistinguishable from them; there is no way you would have thought I was a girl from the ages of 4 to 12. As a teenager every photograph shows baggy clothes and hunched back. I hated my growing breasts, I hated the fact that I could no longer pass as a boy, I hated the fact that I was no longer included in the football/bike/sports etc conversations all the boys had and was instead expected (by them, luckily not by my parents) to like the company of girls.

I was awkward at college, and never enjoyed my body. I would never, ever have sunbathed topless on holidays as many girls did then - even wearing a t-shirt was embarrassing. I was good at maths and maps and never wore (still don't) makeup or high heels.

Not to mention the periods. I had heavy ones, and was later (20 years later as doctors don't care about teenagers with period pain ) with endometriosis. I embraced menopause because my periods, finally, stopped.

I would have jumped at the chance to be a boy. I'm a woman though, ended up married, with three children.

I might have been interested.

My dad was fairly anti-women. He mocked my mum for buying clothes and taking a long time to get ready in the morning. He and my older brother ogled topless women on the beach.

Therefore I learned that being a woman was both bad and something to be mocked and also that a woman's value lies in her appearance.

I don't believe that now. But as a teenager I definitely thought being a boy was better.

Does anyone actually like going through puberty. I hated it, and I was lucky (straight, loving parents, no history of CSA, only mild period pains), can't imagine what it was like for those without my privileges.

I like being a woman now, but the process for getting there was excruciating and I'd have happily skipped it if I could.

I was a swimmer too, a good one until the age of 14 when I had to give up because of a combination of hair and periods.

Not that I couldn't manage from a practical point of view, but I couldn't manage the comments about periods, tampons, hair etc etc. No matter how careful I was boys would always pick up on the slightest mistake - a visible tampon string, an escaped pubic hair, ingrowing hair spots on inner thighs, missing sessions due to particularly heavy periods and (horror of all horrors) one particularly awful day when I bled in a communal shower. I didn't have the confidence to tell them to fuck off. I just gave up.

I have large breasts. As a teenager I desperately wanted them reduced. No chance on the NHS. Lucky for me or I wouldn't have breastfed my babies as I did later. I like my boobs now.

I deliberately got fat and dressed in giant men's jumpers to avoid male attention and my mother's attempts to make me pretty. I found I got taken more seriously in STEM as a teen when I was not so obviously attractive.

In my early twenties I went back to my natural state of slim, fit and fairly hot because I could cope with it all as an adult.

I would have 100% bought into wrong body at 14/15. I would have begged for hormones and mastectomy. If website told me about suicide as the my most likely alternative then I would have considered that valid - I would have then definitely used the idea to get the "transition" to male approved (and would have believed it true I would be suicidal by 20 too).

LouHotel ..... I went to mixed Grammar and we had pretty graphic video's in sex education , not just child birth but the full STI thing altho rolling johnnies onto bananas was fun with the enevitable trick of over your head and blowing it up. Mix sex gave me a valuable education on the opporsite sex but the boys were good friends too and we would sit next to each other in class . Of course there was the occasional knob but you learnt to handle that. More to an education than chalk and talk.

Yes, I hated it. I already wanted to be a boy, so going through puberty while still at primary school was awful for me. I didn't tell my friends I'd started my period as I hated them so much. Everyone else was so excited about getting them. Nope. Yuck.

My breasts developed quickly, meaning I had to wear a bra, the only girl in my year at primary to do so, resulting in comments, bra strap pinging and breast related nicknames.

As a teen I wore huge men's t-shirts to cover up, not that it did much good, they were still obvious. If binding were a thing I definitely would have done it. I just wanted to get rid of them.

LOATHED it and periods made me feel disgusting. I hated the changes to my body - I'd been a real tomboy - and as an immature kid would have definitely been interested if people had told me I didn't have to go through puberty and could 'change into a boy'.

And I absolutely would not have listened even if they'd warned me about infertility (I knew then I didn't want kids and I never changed my mind) or loss of sexual function. I was a very late developer sexually - had no idea what an orgasm might be until university - and it has always worried me that children who believe themselves trans wouldn't care about such things either.

I didn’t hate it, though I developed large breasts on an otherwise small frame at about 10, which was annoying for a very sporty girl. Both of my parents were very open and good at dealing with issues like my periods starting etc. I considered it a part of normal development and thought boys had it worse at the time, physically, because of the voice breaking.

But what wasn’t good was the following year, aged 11, travelling into the nearest large town for secondary school and having lorry drivers ( never really noticed it from cars drivers ) hooting and making comments about my body and looks. I was pretty and tall for my age then ( stayed the same height, still 5’4”) but looking at photos since, I still looked at the most age 12. It made me uncomfortable then and made me very aware of it when my girls reached the same age.

Agree. I was constantly harassed by men anytime I was in public, from year 3 onwards. I always sat/stood with my arms folded across my chest to try and hide my body and I had to put up with the "well meaning" parents of other kids come up to me randomly and tell me I should wear a bra at night to stop my breasts growing! It is interesting to read how many others were unhappy with their bodies - at least partially - because of sexual harassment / bullying. As an adult I do wonder if I would have been slightly more comfortable in my own skin without the hideous behaviour of others to put up with, and perhaps this is where more energy should be focused i.e. teaching people how to be decent human beings!

I didn't hate going through puberty itself but I was very much aware of the fact that my life was different from my brother's because I was female. As an autistic teen I would have transitioned in an instant just to be treated the same as him.

I hated puberty. I was disconnected from my body and it's taken me many years to reconnect. I was abused as a child, I found out in my late twenties that I am autistic and I've suffered with anorexia and disordered eating for many years. I don't think puberty is fun for any child, especially girls. I found it traumatic the day I was told that it is time to start to wearing a bra. To go from being able to run about topless to understanding that a part of your body needs to be hidden now. I was so ashamed and I did not react well. 11 onwards is when grown men on the street started to notice me and I didn't know how to handle it. I think none of us should have to. I used to punch myself in the hips before I went to sleep, hoping it would encourage them to go back in. It didn't work of course. I had no interest in sex or relationships until I was in my twenties. I was called a lesbian for this, and not in a good way. Boys and girls in my sixth form would gossip about me and some didn't want to be around me. I wouldn't want to go through any of it again unless I had the knowledge and understanding that I have now. I guess if I'd been born 10 years younger I'd be an asexual non-binary person at the very least. Though as I hated attention I probably would have kept it to myself and lived it out online.

You could guarantee me a Euromillions win, and (obvs) 20 years of my life back, and I'd say no in a heartbeat, if I had to go through puberty again.

The experience of painful and horrendous changes to your body, just as men start to treat you as put on this earth for their interest, reward and entertainment, was awful. I loved my body in my 20s. I really enjoyed being young and pretty and adult. But dear God, the process of getting there, in mid-teens, was the worst thing I've ever experienced. Completely understand teenagers tempted by a chance of a 'completely harmless, reversable pause button'.

Just stopping the disgustingly creepy old men leering at you as you tried to buy some fucking crisps in a corner shop would have been a start. I had hoped that was less of an issue, now we know more about paedos, but from threads on MN from women talking about their daughters, it seems nothing has changed. Male entitlement to women's bodies is lifelong, but puberty is the front lines, and you're too young to know how to contend with it at all.

This thread would be a good resource for girls being treated for gender identity issues. Or inspiration for a book.

I realise now that having a female body is absolutely fine. What ISN'T fine is the way we are treated. It's patriarchy - the sexism, gender stereotypes, biases, tropes and the rest of it that need to change. We can't change any of that by changing our bodies.

I wanted to be a boy at about 7 years old because I had a brother and a lot of male cousins who got to do a lot more fun stuff, and better Christmas presents (I hated dolls) than I a mere girl. Plus my mother, who was not kind, would tell me that boys are better than girls and that she liked my brother better. So yes at that age absolutely would I have gone with being a boy. Nothing to do with my body, everything to do with society & my mother.

I hated puberty too. Being groped, breasts ogled, bra twanged, boys trying look up my skirt. Horrendous period cramps but being told to get in with it, even the odd humiliating experience of bleeding through to my seat in class. Migraines, spots. Not being able to play football instead of netball.

Also men passing in cars shouting smut at me while I was in my school uniform. Urgh

I think the question should be ‘how many didnt?’

Yep!

Puberty for.a girl is becoming the opposite of what you're told is attractive. Extra weight, excess hair, bleeding and pain. It's horrible.

I hated it. I was very tall and had a full bust and periods at just 11. The first time I remember a man sexually objectifying me was at that age, in primary school. I was a good swimmer and gave up because of it. Girl Guides was a refuge from all the silliness of the girls competing for attention from the boys, it would have been horrendous if they’d been there too. I can absolutely understand why girls would want to identify out of it.

I hated it too.

I was a late developer but I'm also really tall, so people usually thought I was older than I was. Men were forever either trying to grope me, or telling me I was a freak because I looked like a boy, or both.

100% I'd have been up for a solution that meant I could be a boy!

I was at an all girls' school, & reading a lot of Anne Rice & Mary Renault, so hopelessly romanticised the idea of being a gorgeous gay man, rather than an awkward gangly not-quite-a-proper-girl.

Mid 1980s here. Very tall for my age. Started developing last year of primary (far more unusual then). Boobs grew in that summer, period started first term of secondary.

I was hideously embarrassed - all the photos from that summer, I am hunching my shoulders to hide my boobs.

My parents were very liberal for the time so it wasn’t a shock or anything I was made to feel ashamed about and my mum got me sanitary stuff and bras. But it was still embarrassing and I wished it was not happening!

It’s very common in puberty to have these feelings.

I hated being sick and having cramps during my periods and hated being sexually assaulted but I didn't think about puberty really. I just went to school, spoke with friends, painted my nails and read books. I didn't do any of the soul searching stuff that so many teens apparantly do today.