Tavistock: how many women hated going through puberty?

[Cfdmorris]

Thinking about the rise in teenage girls being treated for issues relating to gender identity....

I went through puberty at a young age, whist at primary school, and the first in my year. I was subjected to teasing, “friendly” gropes ( by curious female classmates), bra interference by boys, stares, comments....when my periods arrived there was no provision in the loos, and as still at primary my only teacher was male, so any issues I like cramps, sanitary product emergencies, etc I had no female teacher to go to. . We were also being forced into (single sexed) naked communal showers after games and swimming which was horrible when yours in only body that looks like that- to extent that I kept taking sickies to avoid those days.

I HATED going through that. It was often distressing and embarrassing. It was humiliating. If anyone had offered me breast binding, counselling, hormones etc I would have jumped at chance. I wanted to stop that process and just be a girl like my mates still.

So....how many women feel the same? If we took a poll, what % of women hated going through puberty and became mentally distressed by it to the Extent that they would have asked to stop it if that had been an option? how does that then correlate to the rise in female referrals?

I think my periods started at 13. I was pleased. I didn't experience anything like what is being described on here.

It was just a natural progression of growing up and not being a child.

I had the opposite problem.
Smallest in my year, hairy, acne, body didn't develop or get periods until 16 when I went on Dianette (PCOS). Even when I developed breasts, still looked quite boyish.
Have never had any problems with unwanted male attention for which I am very thankful.
I saw my developing girlfriends going through their own personal miseries - puberty is a shitstorm for most girls.

I used to lie on my front in bed to try to stop my breasts growing. And I had days ++ of school due to period pains.

A very normal part of growing up has been completely politicised and many young kids are manipulated and groomed into pathways that are potentially hugely damaging both physically and in reproductive terms, as well as mentally/psychologically/emotionally. ‘Soul searching’ of this sort is more often than not externally driven IMO.

Yes, it was beyond loathsome. I lived in a vague inchoate fog of shame and actually tried to bind my breasts with bandages to stop them growing.

Relevant thread and a couple of links here in case some haven’t seen them and or would like further reading/discussion.

My first period came on in geography. I had back pain so bad I couldn’t sit still then I had to run to the loos and throw up. Thankfully they’ve got better as I got older but as a teenager I’d spend two to three days a month in excruciating pain that I would have done anything to avoid.

Also after being a very skinny kid a pair of 32DDs appeared overnight attracting all sorts of comments. I loathed those too.

If there was an opt out button I would have pressed it without hesitation.

I did not want to wear a bra, that would mean admitting I had breasts and I didn't want them. I wore sports tops that held my boobs tight in to my chest. If I'd been offered binding, I probably would have taken it. The ugly public hair, leg hair, smells, excruciating period pain - I was deeply embarrassed about my body. I wanted my body the way it used be/feel.

I feel very strongly that if I was an emerging teen today, I'd be all for trans ideology. But as it happened, I grew into an adult female, married and late in life (after long thinking I would never be a mother) had two children.

Over here. Started developing at a normalish point but it went so quickly. I seem to have bypassed that point that all MNers teenage daughters seem to have, where you're 5'8" and a size four, despite eating everything in the house. I put on a lot of weight (stopped exercising because I was embarrassed to be in a swimsuit and it hurt to run even with a sports bra, also comfort ate a lot) and didn't notice for a long time. When I did, I felt awful. I had the glasses, the braces, the bad haircut and the poor skin. Things straightened out a bit by the time I was 16 but from 12-15, it was awful. Most of my friends were boys at the time, they seemed to have a much easier time of it.

The pain! My periods were excruciating. I suffered horrendously every month for years in my teens and twenties to the degree that labour and transition really weren’t that bad (although the latter was excruciatingly painful in both instances of childbirth) because I was already so used to coping with extreme pain monthly. I am so glad that my period pains have eased as I’ve got older.

I didn’t personally consciously ever want to opt out of puberty or being female and having female biology to contend with, but I can certainly understand why many young girls did or do now. It’s just so dangerous for young women in particular right now - many people seemingly waiting to pounce and exploit for their own gain, whatever the motivation might be.

Got my period at age 11, my mum was pretty upset about it, told me I was too young so I felt culpable somehow. She bought me pads that day and never again and because it had been communicated to me that it was a horrifying, embarrassing thing, she never bought pads (or tampons of course) ever again! I spent years stuffing Kleenex in my pants.

Mum also bought me one bra, when I asked her to, aged about 12 by which time I was a C cup. I ended up an E cup and resorted to stealing one of her awful old lady bras (she was in her early 50’s then but it was hideously ugly). I had that one bra for years. Because it was all so shameful I had to wash and dry it in secret.

So there was that.

Then, because I had big boobs, was shy, nervous, and pretty, I was subjected to a lot of perving from adult men (boys my age barely noticed me, I assume because I wasn’t popular). Being touched in the street, men coming on to me all the time. It was gross.

By the time I was in my 20’s I should have had bags of confidence, I was pretty, slim, smart .... but between mum’s neglect and the leering from men, I didn’t know who to trust or how to behave. Enter abusive twat of an exhusband. As I write this out I realise how my experience of puberty really fucked up a nice kid.

I don’t think I would have transed, I was always into stereotypically girly things and typical masculine pursuits bored me to death. But puberty is tough.

If there had been an option to stop it, I would have been there. It was truely aweful

I don't know anyone who liked it. Some seemed to cope better, but for most a misery of shame, pain, discomfort and embarrassment.

I was ok with puberty (apart from the PE naked shower thing and of course periods, which I can’t imagine any girl being thrilled about!)

However with me having 2 brothers, my mum loved dressing me in proper girly clothes, pretty dresses with matching headscarves and Laura Ashley patterns. There’s a recording of us one Christmas and all you can hear is me excitedly shrieking “I got trousers!!” over and over again! I just wanted to be like them I guess. I was also apparently really fond of a little girl a bit younger than me at nursery and primary school. I think I liked that she had the same name as me, and my mum later told me that teachers were “concerned” that I had a bit of a crush on her . I was about 4 or 5 at the time, so I’m not sure how this crush was supposed to have manifested itself. All I can remember is helping her with cooking etc and helping her write her name on a painting she did, but if there was anything more to it, I wasn’t told!

By all accounts I should probably have grown up to be a non binary lesbian.

As it is I may well be the most hetero woman my DP has ever met (apparently ), never having had even as much as a passing admiration for a woman’s looks, and an insatiable hunger for all things masculine!

I dread to think what could have happened to me if I’d been born these days as my parents were always very liberal and a bit bohemian, so I’m sure they’d have happily bought into the idea that if I wanted to be a boy, I could be.

Like a PP, going to a girls'high school seems to have helped me out enormously. We didn't have to deal with any shit from boys. No embarrassment about rustly pads etc. However, I was a pretty late starter and got picked on for hairy legs (not allowed to shave) and I really didn't want to wear a bra and had to be forced. My mum was not helpful during my teen years either, which was weird since her mum was great with me.

my mum was pretty upset about it, told me I was too young so I felt culpable somehow. She bought me pads that day and never again and because it had been communicated to me that it was a horrifying, embarrassing thing, she never bought pads (or tampons of course) ever again! I spent years stuffing Kleenex in my pants

Not sure how old you are and so sorry for your experience. This internalised hatred of the female body and its biological functions as a source of shame and disgust was something many of my friends experienced - we are in our 40s now - from mothers raised by mothers born in the early part of last century.

Things got more open but often for the female body to be defined in a wholly sexualised way.

But we still didn’t name or own our bodies. It’s why many of us want to correctly name body parts as part of our lived experience as women. It feels like we are going to miss that bit out and jump straight to not naming female anatomy and biological functions to actually using it to name us (menstruaters).

We just want to be female humans with autonomy over our bodies and no shame or disgust over our anatomies.

I didn't hate it, but it was annoying. I got my first period when I was 11 even though I had been told I wouldn't get it until I was in my teens. I remember sweating a lot and feeling uncomfortable in my body because I had big boobs but I was still really slim (still am, but that's besides the point I guess). I started to feel comfortable within myself when I was about 19 so that's 4 years ago now.

I never wanted to be male and I never will want that. Obviously I'd like their privilege, but there's no way in hell I'd want to be a man. It's crazy how I left school only 7 years ago and how everything has changed. Back then you were allowed to be a "tomboy" without being told you were an actual boy. I'm so glad I'm not a school kid now.

Monthly dread of bleeding through my trousers and skirts. Sitting in class trying to concentrate on lessons while suspecting that I'd started. The real fear of leaving a bloody mark on a seat. I was a chunky teenager and the communal showers were a nightmare. Hated having to try and do gymnastics when I was built for hockey and javelin-throwing.

Realised very young that I wasn't ever going to be pretty like some of the other girls and knew that boys and teachers and other peoples' parents treated me slightly differently to the more standard-issue girls. In a way that gave me more freedom than some of the more conventionally pretty ones because I was largely ignored.

Absolutely hated it. Didn't want breasts. Didn't want curves. Certainly didn't want the dresses I was supposed to wear.

When my periods started I thought life had come to an end. My mother wouldn't let me use tampons, so I had these foul bulky pads that fastened on a belt. Goodness knows where she even found them, because stick on pads were definitely alive and well. I used to ride, and wearing pads and riding was excrutiating because of the bunching, to say nothing of bleeding on to your saddle. No one tells you how to clean menstrual blood off in Pony Club.

I had really heavy periods too, and was in agony for two days every month. Sick. Headaches. Diarrhoea.

I couldn't believe this was a life sentence. I'd have done anything to stop it.

I wasn’t a fan. I rememeber having my period at 11 and I lied about it to my friends out of intense embarrassment. I still don’t really understand why. I also remember specifically hating my thighs, thinking they were huge and revolting. At the same time being embarrassed by not having any breasts and also feeling like I was doing something wrong by not wearing a bra (remember I was 11).

Also I was into martial arts as a preteen/teen. I remember the boys who I grew up with in my dojo suddenly being able to kick my ass Despite being no more skilled, and feeling the intense unfairness of it.

Also tampons had those scary warnings in them about toxic shock syndrome and I was constantly terrified I was dying if I left my tampon in for more than 2 hours.

It didn’t bother me but I was small and skinny. Didn’t start developing or periods until 15. Went to an all girls school that was supportive in the main.

I also hated it, especially in the 12 to 14 age range. I was feeling a lot better about it by the time I was in high school.

It wasn't even about women being sexualised, it was just the changes in themselves - I felt like I was no longer myself, I was in an out of body experience. And I struggled to learn to deal with menstruation, I had heavy periods and tampons were largely useless, plus I had bad cramps.

I think it's probably half of girls anyway who really have a hard time with it.

I was fairly indifferent - although I hated my terrible periods - had a big sister who I thought was the coolest and I went to an all girls school.

DD - 11 yrs - is v. apprehensive about it. She's very sporty, and really doesn't want breasts, doesn't want periods.

Hated puberty. I was a late developer but it went from nothing to hell in no time at all.
Incredibly painful periods, very heavy and very unpredictable. Ended up on the pill as the only thing that controlled them. Probably screwed my mental health for life.
I don't think i wanted to be a boy but if I'd been offered a chance to just not be a girl I'd have taken it. A blocker to properly stop my periods? Yes please. I was determined I didn't want children anyway. Funny how you're so sure you're right as a teen.
I have two children now. They mean the world to me.