Tavistock: how many women hated going through puberty?

[Cfdmorris]

Thinking about the rise in teenage girls being treated for issues relating to gender identity....

I went through puberty at a young age, whist at primary school, and the first in my year. I was subjected to teasing, “friendly” gropes ( by curious female classmates), bra interference by boys, stares, comments....when my periods arrived there was no provision in the loos, and as still at primary my only teacher was male, so any issues I like cramps, sanitary product emergencies, etc I had no female teacher to go to. . We were also being forced into (single sexed) naked communal showers after games and swimming which was horrible when yours in only body that looks like that- to extent that I kept taking sickies to avoid those days.

I HATED going through that. It was often distressing and embarrassing. It was humiliating. If anyone had offered me breast binding, counselling, hormones etc I would have jumped at chance. I wanted to stop that process and just be a girl like my mates still.

So....how many women feel the same? If we took a poll, what % of women hated going through puberty and became mentally distressed by it to the Extent that they would have asked to stop it if that had been an option? how does that then correlate to the rise in female referrals?

you bet that if I'd had the option to bind my breasts so I didn't look noticeably different or take medication to stop periods and delay puberty, I would have taken it like a shot. I would have claimed to be a boy, an alien, anything to make it stop

Yep. This.. in spades

Hated everything about it. Being leched and catcalled in the street by men old enough to be my father by the age of about 13. Hated my body as I was never a skinny teen, went straight to womanly curves, and this was at the height of 'heroin chic' so of course I always felt fat. Always made sure I wore long jumpers to cover my ass. Heterosexual, but had zero interest in boys at my school, was mainly disgusted by them and their behaviour. Was bullied relentlessly by boys in my class who'd constantly comment on my body. Very socially young for my age, so had no interest in the more 'girly' conversations and talking about boys, I was more interested in more geeky hobbies and reading. Zero social skills. The fashion was less feminine than it is now and involved far less grooming, otherwise I would have felt even more out of place. Boys didn't have access to violent porn either, so whilst there was plenty of sexual innuendo, there was less being expected to take part in painful and degrading sexual acts. I'd hate to be a teenage girl now.

I only had male friends until I was about seventeen so puberty seemed very unfair to me. From being an equal I became comparatively short, weak, slow and lumpy.
If I could have prevented the overnight eruption of my chest from flat to enormous I would have, without a shadow of a doubt.
My mother never spoke to me about any of it but thankfully did buy me pads.
Also I was (still am!) incredibly greasy, with hair that needed to be washed daily and a face like a pepperoni pizza. The only thing that helped was several years on antibiotics (I wasn't allowed to go on the pill, which I am quite grateful for as I'd have ended up with worse depression).
It was a horrendous time, I would much rather have been a boy (and not have to worry about being a lesbian too!)

I can't imagine how much more awful it must be now for girls stuck in school with boys who have been watching hardcore pornography since age nine. Fuck that.

I used to wish I was a boy specifically so I didn't have to go through puberty. Tried to work out how to stop my breasts from growing. And periods were absolutely horrific, had to have a day off school every time as the pain was so bad. I didn't actually want to be a boy, I just didn't want to become a woman.

I can still remember the realisation at 11 yo that having periods was going to be for ever and being absolutely hysterical.

I was also the first girl at primary to be wearing a bra and got the pinging others have mentioned. My DM was called in by the ballet teacher and told "that child needs a bra" and DM explaining that I usually did but was too embarrassed to wear it under my leotard because it showed.

I hated it. I used to wear a tight swimming costume under my sweatshirts to flatten my boobs at 13/14. And I used to wear a lot of sportswear and no make up. Ive never been super feminine or made the most of my feminity but I've always been 100% straight, only interested in guys. Had this been nowadays I would be questioning Trans. In fact all this brainwashing that's out there's now has actually made me question what's up with me. But no, I am what I am, a woman who styles herself quite plain and has an obsession with trainers.

SarahT absolutely with you there - I didn't develop or start periods until I was 17. Now, I know I was lucky, at the time I felt like a freak. As you say, impossible to win.

Yes, agreed, I’m a newbie...can we have a vote? How do I set that up?

I was already 5ft 9 at 12 with boobs and was being sexually harassed already. I hated it, didn’t understand what was happening at all and just wanted it to stop.
Alongside this my Dad had upped and left, my Mum had checked out mentally unable to cope and l was being targeted and stalked by my Deputy Headmaster.
If l could have stayed invisible l would have done anything.

Hated it. Awkward, greasy & lumpy and surrounded by opportunistic men trying to take advantage of my awkwardness.

Eurgh.

13-to19 was just, bluuueerrrrrggghhh.

Yep, I would have hacked my boobs off if I could. 10-15 years later I couldn't feel more different.

Same.

It's normal for girls to be freaked out by unwelcome and totally creepy if not downright threatening male attention and the weird shit their previously familiar body starts doing.

It would be QUITE GOOD if sex ed reflected that.

"I feel uncomfortable in my body" is normal for teenage girls. You'd think gender specialists would be educated enough to know that.

I don't know anyone who liked it. Some seemed to cope better, but for most a misery of shame, pain, discomfort and embarrassment

I don't recall any of my friends feeling like that. I certainly didn't. My recollection is we were pleased we were growing up.

I wasn’t made to feel any shame, thank goodness. I’m Danish so was raised to be very relaxed about anatomy and reproduction, my body and sex/sexuality, plus my mum was very hippy and earth mother etc so there was absolutely no shame attached. I was also very knowledgeable and didn’t feel frightened by changes happening to me or the idea of becoming a woman (had been present at the birth of one of my siblings when I was 14, for example).

I can still understand that for many girls it’s a hugely difficult and confusing time.

I think I was lucky my Primary school had female teachers and provision in the loos and I wasn't only one with periods.

However I had large boobs very young and the boy and male attention was unwanted and uncomfortable for me- and that for me continued into secondary. Adults around me often gave the impression I was one at fault as well.

Secondary PE were awful - one thing I'm really happy about is the PE teachers at DC secondary are really nice.

My PE teachers went down shame route. Run through showers meant they had a "right" to know if you were on a period and you had to annouce it in front of entire group to be excused and if it went on more than 7 days which did happend occasionally for me - they'd be worse with their comments and digs.

On top of that my periods were very bad from a young age - as an adult contraceptive and having kids have helped with that.

So far I think DD1 had it easier later developing and more supportive environment all round. I know many of my friends had very different.experinces.

I don't think it was bodily shame as such

Chronic pain, bloody leakage, Uncontrollable hormones.
Awkwardness, boobs flopping about , unnecessary weight
Mild sexual abuse, bra tweaking etc
Severe gender bullying

Although gender identity wasn't a 'thing' when I was growing up, I was definitely not a 'girly' child and was much happier wearing shorts or jeans and a T shirt and joining the boys in their games, than wearing dresses and playing with dolls.
Still being flat-chested when I left primary school and then going to an all girls secondary, I avoided the worst of the unwanted attention from the boys referred to by others and experienced by several of my classmates who started to 'develop' during our final year at secondary.
By the end of my first year at secondary though I was becoming increasingly self conscious about my developing breasts, not wanting them to be noticed or commented on, but still in denial about needing to wear the bras mum had given to me as a birthday present a couple of months before the end of the school year. During the school holidays I wore baggy shirts, quite often with one of my old swimsuit tops underneath to flatten everything down.
However nature was not to be denied and by the time I went back to school that autumn, the outline of my breasts were visible under my PE shirt and their movement was noticeable (and increasingly painful) when I was running, so I had to admit that I needed to wear a bra for PE. Soon I was wearing one every day.
As the months went by, I started to notice other unwelcome signs of puberty too. My skin began to become greasier and prone to spots and I began to get hair under my arms and down below.
The next big milestone happened during the summer holidays following my 13th birthday when I got my first period. I had been feeling a little off colour and grumpy for a couple of days, then when I was getting ready for bed one night, I noticed spots of blood in my underwear. I knew what it was and went back downstairs to tell mum, who gave me a pack of sanitary towels to use.
It took a while for my periods to settle down into a rhythm, so I was always anxious about when I would get my next one and hated having to wear a sanitary towel when I was doing PE in my gym knickers. Mum was 'old school' in believing that tampons weren't suitable for teenage girls.
So all in all, I hated the whole puberty process.

I wore minimiser bras - as close to binding as possible.
I cut my hair short.
I found "grunge" very appealing..some might call it 'masculine'...
I HATED having breasts
I HATED having periods
I HATED being called 'Daisy' - I had breasts, breasts = milk, milk=udders, udders=cow, cow=Daisy.
I HATED being groped and catcalled.

I was also traumatised. If someone had offered me an opportunity to identify out of the hell of my life AND rebel against my mother AND be special, I'd have been there with bells on. Not because I consciously wanted to identify out and rebel, but because the circumstances of my life made those things innately attractive.