The struggles of getting a haircut as a non-binary person

[Awning10]

twitter.com/i/status/1224664146257620994

There seems to have been a cultural decision to actively cultivate and valorize mental and emotional fragility in young people and I don't think it's good for them at all.

Totally this. 100%.

I worked in a salon. I would say clients were equally split between men & women

But do you ask them if they are men or women or do you just ask them what they want doing like every hair dresser I’ve ever met?

It was my weekend job as a junior. Worked with 6 stylists. They all asked clients what they wanted, not once did they ask about sex/gender/genitals. They were only interested in hair

It can't be that hard: all the hairdressers near me will gladly do a scraggy bleach and blue dye job on both sexes.

I saw this on twitter and commented on it along the same lines - that millions of us have been getting non-gender–conforming haircuts for donkeys' years and hairdressers are actually far from divided along binary lines. Then I felt bad as it turned into a pile-on.

I do feel bad for this young woman that she has been led to believe not feeling comfortable with stereotyped gender roles makes her unusual, or even worse means she's not male or female. Also that her self-absorbed teenage poetic musings (we've all been there after all) are on record for the world to see - even if she's happy about that now she might cringe in the future, a problem that us old gimmers didn't have to deal with.

I hope she's OK and also discovers radical feminism before making any irreversible decisions.

I did find the "poem" exceedingly irritating. But the problem isn't with young people experimenting with their identity and looks, thinking they know best, or being pretentious – that's as old as time. It's with the establishment - BBC, government, educations system - taking the idea of non-binary and gender identity seriously, promoting it and encouraging it.

God this vid is annoying.

Like this is sooooo important, when 2 women a week are being murdered? OR the planet burns.

Such boring self-absorption.

"day to day struggles that people are battling" say you??? Try to tell that to a woman who's been raped and knows her attacker will never be punished. Or the woman trying to raise children on Universal Credit after escaping from domestic violence?

I could go on. I really should not watch these things, for the sake of my blood pressure ...

Also hairdressers and barbers can be stressful for anyone - it's practically a national pastime finding it a bit awkward, not being sure what to say, whether to tip, hating your haircut while pretending you love it and running home with your hood up, etc etc. Most of us just get on with it / have a laugh about it. But if your awkwardness is because you're "NB" and imagine - inaccurately - that hairdressers are all binary-gendered and looking at you funny, it's treated as a terribly po-faced Serious Issue.

I think that is what has pissed people off - the fact that the complaints she makes are not only basically untrue, but such a small issue being treated as a big one.

If ever there was a case for referring to anyone as "a young person" it's this poet. If she or he doesn't want to be of either sex, it seems such an obvious thing to call it.

And only older people are likely to realise just what an utter condemnation it is, which is a bonus.

BBC The Social
@bbcthesocial

'It’s been a tough 24 hours here, fighting hate from all around the world, all because we shared the lived experience of a young person in Scotland. We take threats and bullying very seriously here at The Social and we have been reporting those tweets.' #BeKind

The tweet includes a re-posting of the video-poem.

This thread actually really upsets me. The more I see of Gray Crosbie's poems, the more I like them. Especially "I left part of myself in the closet".

These are issues feminism should be dealing with. Instead of ranting and sneering, maybe consider that second wave feminism somehow failed to solve all our problems. Maybe this new generation is approaching these same problems with new methods. They're not our enemies.

But it’s as if they’ve never heard of feminism and instead think the solution to patriarchy is to opt out of being female. What sort of new method can that be, realistically? As opposed to, say, rebuilding a true feminist movement that actively challenges structures of power?

Where is there ANY analysis of power at all, in these new methods?

It’s all just how well one can negotiate for oneself in the marketplace. Which only serves to reinforce the power of the marketplace. In that marketplace, those who are selling and buying with greater social capital — as this young poet clearly has, voiced by the BBC — will fare well, while those who don’t have similar social capital — for instance, say, a battered wife fleeing her home and needing female only DV refuge — will NOT fare so very well.

What’s painted as radical in this performance by this poet is as reactionary as it comes.

This thread actually really upsets me.

Then don't read it. No one else is responsible for your feelings. Gender identity ideology upsets me. Considerably more, I'd bet.

What sort of new method can that be, realistically?

I'm not sure. At first I thought it was all wrong too. But now I think, if you keep meeting people who are trans or whose gender is not immediately obvious, if that becomes normal, then that's a good challenge to the gender binary. Like, an actual challenge, rather than just words.

those who are selling and buying with greater social capital — as this young poet clearly has, voiced by the BBC — will fare well...

That's always true though. The vulnerabilities that come with motherhood and poverty still exist, yes. I wonder if the new rhetoric forced by the trans movement (eg pregnant people, birth parents) will help clarify those issues. For example, with wage statistics, if it is motherhood that drives inequality rather than gender

Then don't read it. No one else is responsible for your feelings.

It's okay. I dont actually mind having feelings and expressing them.

Is #BeKind now just a passive aggressive cover-all way of saying “you can’t say anything critical ever because if you do that’s akin to making people kill themselves and if you criticise anything you’re a horrible person

I wonder if the new rhetoric forced by the trans movement (eg pregnant people, birth parents) will help clarify those issues. For example, with wage statistics, if it is motherhood that drives inequality rather than gender.

Quite a bit of research has been successfully completed without apparently being hampered by language that makes sex obvious. See for example this TUC report on the Motherhood Pay Penalty. As a result we know that there is a pay gap between men and women (at any age or stage of life) plus a pay bonus for being a father, plus a pay penalty for being a mother.
Using sex-neutral language would make it impossible to express any of those three facts.

But now I think, if you keep meeting people who are trans or whose gender is not immediately obvious, if that becomes normal, then that's a good challenge to the gender binary. Like, an actual challenge, rather than just words.

I'm all up for challenging the gender binary! "Butch" women and "feminine" men have been around for donkeys and no one bats an eye.

However saying I'm a non "feminine" woman so I must be NB or trans is not challenging the gender binary, it is reinforcing it.

However saying I'm a non "feminine" woman so I must be NB or trans is not challenging the gender binary, it is reinforcing it

This is such an important point. If I was 19 now I would definitely say I was non-binary or trans. I am so glad I am 50 now and am a woman and can show people that feminine includes flat shoes, not shaving, no makeup, no need for a padded bra despite a flat chest. I am quite perfectly feminine in my natural state. Because I am a woman. Because biology.

Gray is 28yrs old so they are pushing their luck hiding behind the shield of youth.
When I was 28 I was made redundant when I was 7 months pregnant. I couldn’t afford to get my hair cut never mind whine about it on social media.

"If you keep meeting people whose gender is not obvious "

Having had gender boxes imposed on me from a young age, I try very hard to remember that we can not tell anyone's gender by looking at them and I did really neutral on Harvard's gender bias tests. Having lived my life this way, I don't see any benfit to be gained from associating a gender with anyone. So I don't.

Having people suggest, that I should associate a gender with some people is therefore in my mind a regressive, repressive step.

Sex is however sometimes important to recognise.

Having people suggest, that I should associate a gender with some people is therefore in my mind a regressive, repressive step.

True. I find that part hard to understand as well.

However saying I'm a non "feminine" woman so I must be NB or trans is not challenging the gender binary, it is reinforcing it.

Except that trans people are often at odds with the gender they claim? So, for example, Caitlin Jenner seems more masculine to me than Gray Crosbie. The more beefy Jenner types there are with Heels and Hair, the less feminine these qualities will be, the association will be broken (?) Not in their own minds perhaps but in everyone else's.

One point about "if that's your only problem... what about rape" type arguments. I agree it's not an important problem in the grand scheme of things, but I am sure lots of us get annoyed and frustrated by minor things. It is one which could be easily solved by haircut prices being based on the type of service asked for.