My feelings about men

[BoxyLoxy]

Name changed, obviously.

Im a regular on here although mostly lurking.

I was wondering how other people reconcile their feelings about how fucking awful the patriarchy is, how men as a group are basically toxic and even the 'good ones' have an incredibly low bar for being decent humans.

Im married, and seriously reconsidering it because I feel this ongoing utter despair at the myriad injustices I put up with. I would NEVER EVER pursue a relationship with a man if I did leave.

Anyone else feel the same? Is this normal?!

Something tells me that our Gosling loving chum here thinks that any woman in his vicinity that doesn’t flat out ignore him, is making him an offer. Smiles at you? Making you an offer. Cuts your hair and chats to you? Deffo up for it. Didn’t tell you to fuck off immediately when you talked to her in a bar? Wants it.

Neatly illustrates the OPs point, to be honest. The problem that women have with men, is men like fella me lad here. Naked, blatant woman haters. And don’t they just hate Mumsnet - all these women talking unsupervised! Fair gets the old castration anxiety worked up to a head.

Wow, this dude is really kind of proving the points others have made about some men on this thread.

However, some of his points have got me thinking though, especially the losing hair one which I've never considered. We have a new manager at work. Young guy, really nice. He's shortish, bald, and a little weedy looking, and I must admit I was a bit surprised when his stunning blonde wife turned up to collect him one day whilst his car was in for service.

Not saying that looks are everything, but attractive people generally go for other attractive people. Then the other day he popped up on my 'people you might know' list on FB, as we obv share other workmates as FB friends. I had a sneaky look at his profile pics and was surprised to see that a few years ago he had a thick, tousled, head of hair. The difference was night and day! I'd say some men can carry off the rugged, bald look. But some defo can't and my colleague is one of them. He was actually really good looking before but now looks a little Nosferatu-esque due to being very pale and bald.

That's one way I count myself lucky as a woman. The fact I didn't lose my hair in my 20s as some men do.

The prostate cancer thing is interesting too. I think it's largely due to men not rallying the way women do, but then I also notice a lot of men running the race for life, but not many women doing the reverse.

I speculate that a lot of men are happy to put their efforts in to help others when encouraged or inspired, but that as a whole there is less push for men's issues (admittedly partly down to men not rallying) which is why we have such issues with male suicide, homelessness, alcohol abuse, violence, etc.

Oh no! Did our new mate name change and return? I see lots of deleted posts have I missed much? Or more of the same craaaaazy flirting?

DuLANG you could be into something ... definitely some issues with repressed fantasies involving famous handsome men.

I'm very interested to hear about our chaps fundraising activities though ... hopefully he puts as much effort into that as he does into his fun usernames.

I think rugged men like Jason Statham/Tom Hardy can pull off the bald look, but not so much pretty boys. I don't reckon it'd suit Cillian Murphy for instance.

Can imagine if the whole of BTS went bald. 😂

I tell you whose hot, tom eughan

I always thought this was an excellent way of summing up the imbalance of power and the fear women have. If you think about OLD men worry that they'll be stood up, she won't look like her pic, won't find him attractive... women have the same fears but on top of that they fear their own rape or murder or even that of their children

damn I missed out on the fun, still thanks Gladioli/hbkzidane for all the amusement that you provided earlier, I hope it all works out for you in the end:)

a few years ago he had a thick, tousled, head of hair. The difference was night and day
it must be really hard:( I feel genuine sympathy for men over this

DH will not suit baldness at all. He's got a widow's peak which is saving him from a comb over at the moment. The ol' receding hairline is going to meet itself at the back at some point though.

The prostate thing is partly that it's a slow growing, older age cancer I believe. I remember a dr saying men die with it, rather than of it.

The far bigger threat to young men's lives is violence.

My dad (stepdad really, but y'know ... he's my dad) is a fabulous human being. I hope that my sons are going to turn out the same. The signs are hopeful. My brothers (apart from one, who is an arse). That's it, and they are all people close to me, I know.

As for other men, I don't just dislike them. I'm terrified of them. I can't stand to be anywhere near them. If a man sits next to me on the train I panic. Yes, it is informed by experience, but I cannot rationalise it. It's visceral. I'm in a relationship now, and she's a woman. I can't imagine ever again being close to a man in that way.

The far bigger threat to young men's lives is violence.

I agree with this, and the 'men are stronger, thus more able to defend themselves' argument is pretty much moot when knives etc come into play.

I was going to comment on the above 'men fear that women will laugh at them' point by pointing out that men also fear other men will kill them or beat them. Men are the biggest perpetrators but also by far the biggest victims of male violence (aren't they like 70% of homicide victims and 4x more likely to be attacked by a stranger).

It's a big problem for our society and I think there needs to be a better than solution than pointing out that 'well, it's other men doing it'. Aside from victim blaming, this aligns the perpetrator with the victim when they may in fact be very different demographics (e.g. violent thug with criminal background beating up a young homosexual or BME student).

Violence and suicide, sadly. 5 of my male friends have taken their own lives over the last 20 years.

And regarding OLD, it's a fairly sell known set up for an attractive woman to catfish a young guy into meeting her for him then to be mugged/beaten by her male accomplices. Men also fear that. I think it's very easy to brush off the issues faced by another group when you don't share their lived experience. I get angry when men do it so we shouldn't do it ourselves IMO.

The only scams like that that I have heard of have been young men scamming other men via Grindr etc.

Discussing with DS that women are safer under the protection of men, and how women have to do that for safety in anarchic times, he pointed out that guns are great levellers, and I could band with women with guns.

The only scams like that that I have heard of have been young men scamming other men via Grindr etc.

It's nearly always heterosexual male victims IME and usually involves a female accomplice as bait, although sometimes the gang use fake pics. It's difficult because people understand why us women are careful, but it's harder for men to show wariness of a dating partner, admittedly due to toxic masculinity etc and societal expectations of 'being able to handle oneself'.

Deputies: Man lured by teen girl he met on Plenty of Fish website; ambushed, shot

www.click2houston.com/news/2015/07/07/deputies-man-lured-by-teen-girl-he-met-on-plenty-of-fish-website-ambushed-shot/?outputType=amp

Man robbed at gunpoint by dating app woman's associates at end of date

abcnews.go.com/amp/US/man-robbed-gunpoint-dating-app-womans-associates-end/story?id=67248564

Woman uses online dating site to lure man to armed robbery setup

www.ajc.com/news/crime--law/woman-uses-online-dating-site-lure-man-armed-robbery-setup/tKvkApIkESPdBt0UOGbCYN/amp.html

Men Robbed While Trying to Meet Woman From Online Dating Site: Police

www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/6-men-robbed-while-trying-to-meet-woman-from-online-dating-site-police/1806403/?akmobile=y&akdevice=androidphone&sslEnabled=true&amp

Men lured through online dating, robbed and shot

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.charlotteobserver.com/news/nation-world/national/article231987612.html

Gang 'lured lonely men to fake dates using bogus female Tinder accounts then attacked and robbed them'

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7010355/amp/Gang-lured-lonely-men-fake-dates-using-female-Tinder-accounts-robbed-them.html

Violent gang created fake profiles on Tinder to lure men — then allegedly beat and robbed them at gunpoint

www.marketwatch.com/amp/story/guid/89B16238-7556-11E9-9CE1-9BD897F6B1CF

I may have duplicated a couple of the above as was only skim reading, but there are absolutely loads of examples.

I'm not sure why some people are so convinced women hate baldness. There have been studies on this and it isn't true, in fact I believe they have some preference for it. Of course individual women vary in their preference and some people look better with hair. But it isn't even close to a universal no-go for women.

I've known a number of people involved in medicine that are not happy with the way breast cancer related stuff is funded, and they have tended in the past to trade on having been something unmentionable that is now being talked about. But that comes down to fads around fundraising which often don't reflect the medical needs particularly accurately.

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It's nearly always heterosexual male victims IME and usually involves a female accomplice as bait, although sometimes the gang use fake pics. It's difficult because people understand why us women are careful, but it's harder for men to show wariness of a dating partner, admittedly due to toxic masculinity etc and societal expectations of 'being able to handle oneself'

You’d have to find statistics to prove it’s mostly heterosexual men, because there are shit loads of stories about gay men too.

Here’s two recent ones:

Dec 2019: www.expressandstar.com/news/crime/2019/12/12/jailed-teenagers-attacked-and-robbed-men-they-lured-on-grindr-dates/

Oct 2019: www.pinknews.co.uk/2019/10/16/gay-man-grindr-homophobic-hate-crime-dublin-ireland/

May 2019: news.sky.com/story/grindr-users-in-manchester-attacked-by-man-who-tried-to-steal-their-cars-11676653

All U.K.

Most of your links are USA, if you extend the search for attacks on gay men outside of the U.K. it’s an overwhelming number, lots of rapes and murders too.

Absolutely everyone should be incredibly cautious when meeting people through online dating, male and female, gay, straight, bi. EVERYONE.

Worth noting that the actual violence in these news stories was all perpetrated by men though, the cases involving women featured female conspirators, which is historically similar to other types of violent crime involving women. Women very rarely beat and/or murder men on their own.

Jargoyle- it's a fairly sell known set up for an attractive woman to catfish a young guy into meeting her for him then to be mugged/beaten by her male accomplices

From what I see most of these are not women doing this, it is men "creating fake profiles" "Using fake Tinder accounts" How is this women?

Us women, as you say yourself, as a woman, let me just say welcome! to Mumsnet

I don't find any of those men attractive, am I still a fat, horse faced cunt?

Excuse me! What's wrong with a horse face?

(Is it too late to say how much I love Ronaldo?)

I hope the mods let us have this bit of fun, it is Saturday after all.

And regarding OLD, it's a fairly sell known set up for an attractive woman to catfish a young guy into meeting her for him then to be mugged/beaten by her male accomplices

I've never heard of this. Has anyone else heard of this?