"Micro" acts of every day sexism...

[GunpowderGelatine]

...you know the kind of things that, if you didn't look for it you wouldn't even notice?

For example, I'm at hospital today for an outpatient appointment. I noticed that when the staff (Male and female) would call out for patients for their appointment, they would use women's full names (e.g. "Emily Dixon?") and for men they'd use their salutation ("Mr Roberts?"). Every. Single. Time.

I feel like if we look out for things like these we'd notice a lot more? Is it just me going mad or do other people have things like this happen?

The one I notice all too often is if I'm eating out with a man is that the dinners will be switched to give the "better" dish to him. So he might order fish and me the steak. When they're served, they'll automatically plonk down the fish in front of me and when I explain its not mine, confusion reigns, even though they took the order . Ditto if he fancies a soft drink but I chose alcohol. I've started keeping my hands on the table so they have to ask me to move them, then I can correct them if I see the wrong dinner veering towards me.

Told my DP's brother the old classic riddle (father and son in a car crash, son gets rushed to hospital, surgeon says "I can't operate on this boy, he's my child) and after guessing everything possible (including parallel universes and a gay couple), when I told him the answer he said: "Fuck off, that's just a trick question".

Because parallel universes are more conceivable than a female surgeon....

I often help my DP carry his stuff equipment to gigs (guitars, pulling amps, etc.) and on more than one occasion have received a round of applause from the waiting crowd for lifting a guitar onto a stage.

DP and I were out for a curry recently and the manager came over and wouldn't leave, kept calling me 'sweetie' and trying to do some magic trick with a cork for me, which involved repeatedly touching my head. When I asked him to stop touching me, he winked at DP and said: "Only for you, is she?!" Needless to say, we got up and left.

When some dads put up the Christmas decorations at school they received a gushing named thank you from the head in her bit in the school newsletter, the main headline section. The endless drudge done by the mums who do everything else doesn’t receive the same treatment

I've handed my card to the waitress before. She's actively walked round the table, passed it to DH to put in the pin, only for him to hand it back to me. Embarrassing.

Did you ask her why, Adog???

DH is teatotal and always gets given my alcoholic drink in restaurants.

When I purchased our house I added my DH to the mortgage (so he would be equally responsible if things went awry) and added him to the deed.

The mortgage was approved based on my credit, his credit was nonexistent at the time time (18+ yrs ago).

The county recorded the deed for public records in his name only (I am a footnote "spouse") and the property taxes come addressed to him... I have been to the county office in person with DH for reinforcement at least once a year for 18+yrs to request correction prior upcoming annual tax assessment. When calling about an issue they ask to speak with Mr. Stop to verify/give permission for them to discuss his real property taxes.

We are on our fourth mortgage company (we are considered incredibly low-risk based on debt to income ratio) so our mortgage keeps getting purchased by new mortgage companies without our consent. As the primary borrower on the mortgage my credit report keeps getting updated showing new mortgage companies which affects credit rating based on credit age. DH's credit report always only reflects the new purchaser of the mortgage and the 18+yrs of on-time payments meaning his credit score is unaffected by these mortgage purchases while mine is penalized.

So as far as the county is concerned I am a subordinate or dependent of my DH and the mortgage companies are quite content to negatively affect my credit while not impacting his. We are looking at refinancing the house and in the eyes of the lenders he appears to have a longer mortgage history than I as his is considered active (18yrs) and mine is only considered active for the most recent mortgage purchase (5yrs). This discrepancy also means that my credit score is slightly lower than his even though I manage the finances, in the first position of our largest debt, and all other debt including student loans are shared.

Well obviously the mortgage companies only care about who's in first position the county is definitely expressing at least micro sexism. I'm trapped between the two.

It's teetotal not teatotal.

I was reading Dinosaurs Love Underpants to DS and DD earlier. DD pointed out that there were no cavewomen in the book.
It wouldn’t just have been all the dinosaurs who were wiped out way back in history...

In fact so many books (and TV progs) have a real gender imbalance.

When I applied for a mortgage with my husband they first of all refused to take my salary into consideration because I was on maternity leave and I might decide I like being at home with my baby so much I might not go back to work. I had to point out how this breached the Equality Act 2010 before they would back down. They also said that it wasn't worth including my self-employed income because my husband's airline pilot salary was good enough on it's own - I had to point out that I was the pilot and he was self employed. A few weeks later they said they couldn't process the application because my name wasn't correct on the form. I said 'nooo, I'm fairly sure I know what my name is.' I still have my maiden name, and they couldn't get their head round the idea I was not Mrs Bitb's DH. But it was OK - there was a work around to this. If I got my husband to write a letter to them saying that I had decided to keep my maiden name they would allow me to continue with the application. I asked what authority my husband had to tell them what I was called which I didn't? And they couldn't answer without tying themselves in knots. So thanks Barclays, you wankers. I'm with a different bank now.

I objected years ago when I had to order some male /female signs for the staff changing rooms at work. The male figure was tall, slender and looked to be in good shape. The female figure was short, extremely round and with poor posture.

Is it awful that I never notice these things and that even pointed out, I can't get aggrieved about it!

If you spent a moment thinking about the millions of children who experience this lifetime of conditioning you will likely feel more than just aggrieved.

Recent dinner with female friend. Ic an cope with the odd "love" etc. He couldn't stop and liked to interchange with "my lovelies" "pretty ones" "gorgeous" etc. I asked him to stop. And I steady if being embarrassed he tried to suggest I was being a bit silly (and called me lovely again).

I was the only female in a meeting of 14 today. Part way through some people left as their bit was finished. One said "thank you gentlemen", as he left... Wish I had a supply of one liners for these occasions!

Thought I'd another.

I was once in a plane with my ex and the steward called him "sir" and me "love". If it was today I'd have said "if he is sir then I am Madam" but I was about 22 and didn't have the lady balls!

More toxic masculinity than traditional sexism but going to have a chat with my son's teacher about fighting among the little boys, and the first thing they say being "well it's quite normal with boys" - this has happened every time I've ever bought up behavioural issues with young boys, with multiple different teachers saying it!

@Mummyoflittledragon

There’s no way of knowing what he presented with. You don’t know if you had a similar problem to him. No way a doctor would have revealed that to you. Next.

My Dad dropped me off at the service centre to collect my car, I check in at reception, Dad and I go and sit down. Same woman comes over with invoice and key, give them both to my Dad. He says ‘nothing to do with me’ and she passes over to me with zero apology or bashfulness.

This is kind of meta, but my decree nisi came with a letter addressed to Mrs LaBarbera.

20 years ago I remember registering at an estate agents with my ExH. They started to put the names on the form and tried to put my ExH’s name first. I said , no, put me down as the lead name please. That was apparently an unheard thing to do and the estate agent struggled to get their head round that and kept insisting they wanted to put ExH down first. I insisted more, and made them put me down first . I’m sure they looked at ExH as if, poor thing, hen-pecked.

Whoops. I mean my decree absolute. Even worse.

I had to phone my gas company when we moved house to change something about the direct debit. They told me they needed to speak to the first named account holder (my husband) so that he could authorise them to speak to me.

My husband had never spoken to this company, but his name had been inputted first (obviously 🙄). We go to the point when I told that my husband would be getting in touch for a refund for the past 2 years as he had never given authority for them to set an account in his name before they would accept that I was the bloody account holder.

The on-line DBS checking service assumes any woman using the title ‘Ms’ is a divorcee. Worse than that. It then insists on knowing your ‘previous names’ because you wouldn’t, y’know, have kept your own?

@Fishcakey the phrase "you don't know you're born" fits here. What privilege.

@GaraMedouar I put my house on the market 2 weeks ago, I phoned the agent to arrange for them to come round, I negotiated the fee and decided the asking price, the agent never even met my husband. He was still ‘client 1’ on the terms and conditions, I got told off by the agent for signing in the client 1 box 😤 I did say that given he’d only met me and the whole thing was based on my instructions, I presumed my name would be first!