"Micro" acts of every day sexism...

[GunpowderGelatine]

...you know the kind of things that, if you didn't look for it you wouldn't even notice?

For example, I'm at hospital today for an outpatient appointment. I noticed that when the staff (Male and female) would call out for patients for their appointment, they would use women's full names (e.g. "Emily Dixon?") and for men they'd use their salutation ("Mr Roberts?"). Every. Single. Time.

I feel like if we look out for things like these we'd notice a lot more? Is it just me going mad or do other people have things like this happen?

We don’t eat out much but every time my DH orders fish, or a risotto I get handed it instead and he gets my steak!

I took out an RSPB family membership, filled in the form with my details first, then DHs , payment was from my bank account. First letter from them was addressed to Mr & Mrs. I contacted them and told them that it was sexist and to change it to be Mrs & Mr, and they did. It really annoyed me that they would actually go to the trouble of inputting the data against the order I had filled in the form, just to make sure that the man took precedence!

I drink Guinness and DH drinks fancy craft ales in 1/2 pint glasses, so I wouldn't be suprised if staff mixed them up.

But the waiter/waitress always does exactly the same thing - brings the drinks to the table and says "Guiness?" to which I reply "mine". They never presume, and they never presume with the food either. It's pretty weird to do that and I've only ever heard about it on MN, not in real life.

When paying for a bill in a restaurant without fail they always give it to my husband despite the fact that I always ask for the bill and I always pay for the meal on the credit card

@StrictlyNameChangin

Took my dad with me to pick up my new car, just because he fancied a nose around the showroom. I had done all the negotiations, I paid for it. Salesman hands the key to my dad

@WeeMadArthur on the "Mr & Mrs" thing, when my mum had a joint mortgage with her XH in the 1980s, the bank did a share giveaway. Shares can only be owned by an individual but the computer system (apparently) could only possibly allocate them all to one recipient per account, and that had to be the first person named on a joint account. Obviously, because we say Mr & Mrs, it was always the man who got them. She's still furious 35 years later.

Hmmm Ihave many appts, never seen this happen.

I work as a doctor in an emergency department.
‘My name is wish, I’m one of the doctors. What’s brought you to the ED tonight?’
Discussion. Examination. Likely diagnosis and plan provided to patient.
‘Thanks nurse’ or ‘can I see the doctor?’ Every day. Not every patient but at least one every day.

@Wishiwascrafty

The ED where I worked received a written complaint that a patient "had only seen a nurse". I had done a full neuro exam. The icing on the cake was that the patient turned out to be an off-duty member of hospital staff

DP's mother is ill and in hospital. When he goes to see her, hospital staff always make a fuss of him- he's been called an angel, a blessing, an amazing son etc. OTOH, his sister, who has been there every single day does all of MIL's washing, helps her with the commode, doesn't get any of this praise. (TBF DP always points out how amazing his sister is.) I'm really surprised that doctors and nurses do this- they're otherwise lovely.

When I went to collect DD's new bike from Halfords (I was the one who had taken her to choose it and paid for it) young male shop assistant showing me all the bits and pieces - 'this is how you adjust it. I'm sure you're husband will have a spanner at home.'

I also work in a technical field in a male-dominated industry.

Generally I am alone in the office, but have a part-time male assistant.

If he is in and a new client comes in they invariably look to him to try to organize their site visit. He knows how much to pisses me off and has taken to saying ' I'm just here to look pretty. If you want someone to come on site you need to talk to Bee'.

Strangely, if clients are coming in for admin tasks, they are quite happy to talk to me.

If I'm alone in the office, I'm frequently asked to pass a message on to the person who'll be coming on site. I have had clients literally exclaim with surprise that I'd be coming myself and even had one tell me very doubtfully that I couldn't come in heels, and would have to have steel-toe boots. Couldn't hold back the eye-roll on that one.

@beethebee wow makes me glad I only get this over the phone!

The worst I heard recently was that terrible child murder that was reported yesterday.
The first time I heard the news item it said " A mother who murdered her children was sentenced......" then eventually added that the father was also found guilty of the crime.
Later bulletins did correct it to "Parents who murdered their children..."

With the Mr and Mrs thing it could be that it is processed automatically and is done alphabetically. Sometimes that will be first names or surnames but often it is on the title - so it would go Miss, Mr, Mrs if all were listed.

Of course, that is no excuse for not using Dr etc!

When DD1 was a baby, DH took her for her vaccinations as I hadn't passed my driving test. He was always asked if I knew she was having them and consented.

I was never asked if he had consented when I took her!

"Dear Sirs.." isnt sexist.. its just a generic term with obvious roots in a more sexist past, but nowadays its to be presumed the recipients could be any gender. Same as "manning" the firestation i see that as a term for both genders.

Its like nowadays Actor is gender neutral. You can still say Actress, however when we talk about the actors on set, we use it meaning both genders.

I’m the only woman in my department. If some technical/maintenance person comes to fix something they always speak to my colleagues - even when I’m the one in charge!

And of course every time I ring an insurance company or utility they always ask if I’m Mrs or Miss - I always say Ms but feel like saying “mind your own business, do you ask the men their marital status?” This is finally done less often these days.

As for the technical job comments, I briefly worked for a company which imported shiploads of a particular product. The terminal manager is a woman. Hard hat, hi viz the full shebang. She told me that people walking into the terminal often walk straight past her & go straight to the oldeat male

Cold callers in particular always assume I am the secretary and when they are told we are not interested in their product they are insistent that a manager or owner of the business would be. I own 50% and make the majority of decisions.
Servers always assume the Diet Coke is for me and the Coke for him (but I previously assumed because he was a bigger build to me).
Technical conversations always directed at the man.
But the one that really annoyed me recently was when asking if they sold 'Sidi' shoes in Evans being told they dont sell high heels.

I think these little things happen so often and have done for so long that we become immune to then, but we shouldn't, they should be pointed out for the shit they are!

My pint of ale is ALWAYS given to my partner. Every time.

I work in tech. I'm often the only woman in the room and the most senior. Approval is often directed at the male lead (who then has to turn to me and ask if it's ok)

When shopping for new bathroom fixtures, the sales bloke hadn't been talking to me, but only my husband. When he tried to sell a toilet by switching his eye contact finally from husband to me saying 'it lifts off at the hinges for you love, easy cleaning'. I walked away without another word. Not sure if that's micro or not!

Yes to staff in car garages/car retailers/ white goods talking to DH & making all eye contact with him, even if it's my purchase!

The assumption that "Mum" will work PT or be a SAHP while Dad works FT. The assumption all working women will become PT after having kids.

Tradespeople assuming I'm married, asking me to run quotes past "your man" for a decision. This includes when they know nothing about my title or who lives in our home

I went to a meeting at Derby University Enterprise Centre today. On the ground floor there are 3 available toilets.

1. Mens (Picture of person in trousers - I was wearing a skirt or might have braved it!!)
2. Accessible (Picture of person in wheelchair)
3. No picture, huge sign saying Gender Neutral

I went in there. Standard cubicles opening onto washbasin area. I will be emailling Derby university to ask (a) why there aren't separate Women's toilets and (b) why the Gents isn't the gender neutral space

What, what, what TheShoesa

That’s terrible.