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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

"Micro" acts of every day sexism...

389 replies

GunpowderGelatine · 13/11/2019 11:43

...you know the kind of things that, if you didn't look for it you wouldn't even notice?

For example, I'm at hospital today for an outpatient appointment. I noticed that when the staff (Male and female) would call out for patients for their appointment, they would use women's full names (e.g. "Emily Dixon?") and for men they'd use their salutation ("Mr Roberts?"). Every. Single. Time.

I feel like if we look out for things like these we'd notice a lot more? Is it just me going mad or do other people have things like this happen?

OP posts:
SpicyTomatos · 24/11/2019 14:03

Dear Sirs is when the letter is addressed to a company not an individual. It's sexist that companies are treated as men in this regard, but doesn't have anything to do with the sex of the person for whose attention the letter is marked.

FenellaVelour · 24/11/2019 14:25

Oh, another one.

I had gallstones (undiagnosed but suspected, was on the long waiting list for a scan) which unfortunately led to acute pancreatitis when a rogue stone blocked my biliary duct. I spent over four days unable to keep down even a sip of water and being sick, on average, every twenty minutes. For over four days. My sick was black and dark red, it was basically acid and my stomach lining, it was burning my throat. I was in constant pain. I wanted to die.

These four days encompasses two blue-light paramedic visits plus two GP appointments. There were mutterings about gastritis. I was given anti sickness tablets that I threw straight back up. Eventually I burst into tears in the GP’s office and she finally agreed - reluctantly since she was certain it was gastritis - to ask the hospital to bring my scan forward, they managed to fit me in the following day.

Turned up for scan, still throwing up black stuff, in so much pain I was banging my head off the wall. I was booked in for a scan with “gastritis?” written on the note. They then told me there was a long wait for the scan as a staff member hadn’t turned up. I had a total meltdown. This was day five.

They took me down to A&E as I was making so much fuss.

After a few hours, doctor came in to see me. I was still throwing up black stuff, contorted in pain. She took one look at my hunched posture, checked my eyes (first person to do so), found I was jaundiced and had me admitted immediately. I was put on a drip with IV anti sickness meds and painkillers, and I felt better within an hour. Had my gallbladder removed, pancreatitis treated, and I slowly made a full recovery.

At the same time, a male friend of mine who lives round the corner from me woke up in the night with symptoms of severe pain and vomiting, no previous history to suggest gallstones. He called an ambulance and was taken straight in to hospital where he was also diagnosed with gallstones and pancreatitis within four hours of his first waking up in pain.

Four hours.

Grumpelstilskin · 24/11/2019 14:33

Went to a store to buy some very expensive professional power tools and specialised machinery. I researched exactly which brand and model I wanted and priced everything before going. Took a mate to help me load up, as some of the equipment is rather bulky and I don’t take it for granted that staff would lift heavy stuff. My mate knows nothing about tools/machinery. Sales assistant ignored me from the moment we entered the store, even though I am the one asking for the various items. Shop dude only addressed my mate who kept telling him that he hasn’t got a clue about any of the tools and that I am the customer. Shop assistant tried to talk my mate into a different machine, one which wasn’t selling well. It becomes very clear that beyond rudimentary knowledge, the salesman does not really know about actually using tools. Continued to ignore me when I told him that the machine, he tried to push on to my mate has shit reviews throughout the entire industry. Eventually, all the equipment and accessories were piled up at the sales counter and the shop assistant rung it all up gleefully, as he was on commission. I had my business card ready to pay, he once again turned to my mate and handed him the invoice. I have worked hard to set up my own business and we were talking several thousands of pounds of equipment. Mate told him that he wan’t the one buying. There is a long pause, till the shop assistant finally took notice of me for the first time in an hour since we entered the store. None of the jovial friendliness shown to my mate and something snapped in me. So, I used the ‘Pretty Woman’ line about him being on commission and added ‘Big Mistake!’ and left the store. Called the manager later that day and told him that his business lost out on a sizable purchase that day, as his store still had a Neanderthal attitude. Ended up buying it online from abroad and made a small saving. No wonder that these specialist stores struggle to keep afloat. Not sure I would call it micro sexism. Noticed a positive change though at timber yards. A few years ago, staff there would try to sell me the wrong stuff and make out it was the only type of product they had, even though I could actually see what I wanted. Nowadays, I haven’t come across sexism there. I hope it has sunk in that a lot of the renovation drive comes from women these days. Still struggle to get safety boots in a size 3.5 though Grin

KronksSpinachPuffs · 24/11/2019 14:51

Getting called "darling" at work by a particular older, male senior member of the company.

Asking for the bill and having it given to my husband when it was me that asked for it

Me paying the bill in a restaurant for example and then having the change/receipt given to my husband

People talking about car related things to my husband when in fact he doesn't drive and the car is mine

We have quite the opposite to a gender stereotype relationship!

That's not to say I pay all the bills or anything but I believe the person who asks for the bill should be the one who is given it, and the one who pays the bill is the one who should be given the receipt.

hopelesssuitcase · 24/11/2019 14:57

Wavescrashing I can fully see that you intend it to include men and women, but sirs is not gender neutral or unisex and it quite clearly does not include women.

hopelesssuitcase · 24/11/2019 14:59

Some of these are horrendous Sad

FrauleinF · 24/11/2019 16:32

As a lot of people have already mentioned, children's TV boils my piss on a daily basis with its lack of representation of women. The amount of Smurfetteism that has either gone unnoticed or unchallenged by the conceptualists, screenwriters, producers and commissioners is ridiculous. As if having one pinkified token female should be enough in 2019. Only since having my son three years ago have I realised quite how bad this still is - it doesn't seem to have moved on that much from my childhood in the 1980's.

In a similar vein, (and another way to ruin your viewing habits) see the Bechdel Test. To pass this, a piece of work has to manage the following three things:

two named female characters... have to have a conversation with each other... about something not concerning a man.

Sounds easy, right? Except it apparently isn't. So many films fail. People tie themselves in knots trying to explain how it really is actually so very hard to do this. One quickly realises what bullshit this is when you apply the REVERSE Bechdel test to the same movie (substitute "man/male" for "woman/female" in the above) and it passes within the first 5 minutes...

Dontgobacktorockville · 24/11/2019 17:50

This: female police officer doing her job extremely well and somehow her hair (wtf?) becomes the story:

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-derbyshire-50501203

FenellaVelour · 24/11/2019 18:09

children's TV boils my piss on a daily basis with its lack of representation of women.

I still have really strong memories of watching Pigeon Street as a child and seeing Long Distance Clara drive her lorries all over the world before returning home to her husband who’d cooked her dinner. And that was around 35 years ago.

Need more of this representation in 2019.

CranberriesChoccy · 24/11/2019 18:35

^^ TRA types would claim her as trans.

😂

Binglebong · 24/11/2019 19:40

Actually I thought that hairstyle was unprofessional and would think exactly the same had she been a man. In that role you have to give the impression of competence and to my mind anything other than uniform doesn't.

Her hair looked good and away from work; great. In work, no. Just the same as I wouldn't expect a mohawk and loads of piercings on a council's front desk, no matter how good they look. You have to give the impression of consistency and reassurance. People make instant judgements and when they are scared, which is the likelihood when they see the police, they want to know things are being taken seriously.

I hold men and women to the same standards in this. The clothing can be identical (except to fit!) And no need for heels or make up for anyone!

Hepsibar · 24/11/2019 19:55

Wow, I'd never spotted any of this, thank you for highlighting and I'll be watching out now and following up.

EBearhug · 24/11/2019 21:11

Wavescrashing I can fully see that you intend it to include men and women, but sirs is not gender neutral or unisex and it quite clearly does not include women.

Exactly this, and I am quite astounded that anyone can think it is unisex. This is one of the easy ones.

Charley50 · 24/11/2019 22:00

High heels for news presenters and politicians really piss me off. I agree that women should wear what they want, including stilettos if they like them. I also know that more and more women are mainly wearing shoes that are comfortable now, including for professional jobs. So when I see Cathy Newman on Channel 4 standing around in heels, or Jo Swinson standing in front of an audience for an hour wearing stilettos, it really winds me up.

crankysaurus · 25/11/2019 05:59

Long Distance Clara was ace, big fan of hers.

I work in a very male industry and seem to be seeing more informal team emails stating "Morning Gents", or such like. They've mostly been where I'm not in the original distribution, more where I've been subsequently added. This from a company that has a really decent equalities policy.

Enquiries going to the young male intern rather than me when we the only two in our part of the office also does my head in. Men will even say they'll come back later than ask me (not that I can help as it's someone (female) else's expertise).

MoreJammyDodgersPlease · 25/11/2019 06:32

I've seen a fair few group emails addressed to 'Gents', including from customers who've already dealt with female staff members. But the worst was when a female colleague addressed the team I was in (I was the only woman) as 'Gents', and when pulled up on this, told me what a hard time she had being on the receiving end of things like this, and then went on to address the group as 'Gents and Lady', which made me cringe even more.

Peanutbatter · 25/11/2019 06:55

Working as a decorator- went to buy sealant, looking in the catalogue male staff member instantly comes over 'do you know what you're looking for?' Never asks any of the blokes next to me who are browsing. Got to till 'do you need a gun for the sealant?' And not in an up-selling way. No I thought I'd use my nail file to push it out.

Went to do a job for elderly couple, she says 'I hate to see you reversing out of the drive onto that busy road, I want you to turn around before leaving, how can you see around the bushes?' Err the same way your sons and male gardener manage when they leave.

Moving house- Removal guy comes to quote keeps saying things like 'he'll do that the night before, he'll disconnect the dishwasher in the morning' then added 'before we arrive' realised he was assuming 'he' must be the big burly husband I hadn't mentioned. I only wish he knew how to disconnect the dishwasher!

Sanding a front door, schoolgirl walks past from next door 'wot you doing? That's mans work!'

Same phrase used last week by 70 year old man who learnt I'd just cleaned a conservatories windows.

EBearhug · 25/11/2019 07:26

I've seen a fair few group emails addressed to 'Gents'

This really pisses me off. It is so easily avoidable with "him all" or "Hi everyone," and then you don't even have to remember if there's one of those inconvenient non-gent types around. I do point out that we're not all gents to the culprits, because otherwise they will never change. Thry may not anyway, but maybe one will.

EBearhug · 25/11/2019 07:27

*Hi all
*they
Stupid phone

Aderyn19 · 25/11/2019 07:40

There's nothing wrong with that police officer's hair. I don't know what I was expecting when I clicked that link, but definitely something that stood out as noticeably different to the norm. Her hair is like lots of other people's.

fernandoanddenise · 25/11/2019 07:45

From my husband this weekend doing the quiz in the newspaper. When I answered a question about fashion designers easily and quickly he gave a rueful snort and rolled his eyes. I had answered other questions on history (no snort) electromagnetic currents (no snort) and literature (no snort). I called him out on it as to why fashion and me knowing about fashion was in some way air headed? Amusing? Why he belittled that knowledge but not other? Should I go the whole hog a do a patronising little gesture when he answers sports questions?

MoreJammyDodgersPlease · 25/11/2019 11:56

one of those inconvenient non-gent types

Another colleague and I were told we were "honorary men" in a previous job, as the other women in the company didn't have to attend a technical meeting, but we did.

Findumdum1 · 25/11/2019 20:13

yes I am also an "honorary bloke" in my all male tech team. Which I don't really mind tbh as they do treat me as an equal (hallelujah, only took 20 years!!) and they are trying (Gents has been replaced by Guys).

I am also someone's "work wife" apparently which I am less keen on ...

Slightaggrandising · 25/11/2019 20:46

Can't stand being an "honorary man" and "work wife" is awful.
Why can't women just be valued for themselves without ridiculous qualifiers.

AryaStarkWolf · 25/11/2019 20:55

Oh yeah, being called "one of the lads" like I should be happy because clearly women are less than

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