"Micro" acts of every day sexism...

[GunpowderGelatine]

...you know the kind of things that, if you didn't look for it you wouldn't even notice?

For example, I'm at hospital today for an outpatient appointment. I noticed that when the staff (Male and female) would call out for patients for their appointment, they would use women's full names (e.g. "Emily Dixon?") and for men they'd use their salutation ("Mr Roberts?"). Every. Single. Time.

I feel like if we look out for things like these we'd notice a lot more? Is it just me going mad or do other people have things like this happen?

I used to help host meetings and a couple would attend, say, Mr Soandso and Dr Thingymajib and sign in as such. The subsequent letter summarising the meeting would say 'Mr and Mrs Soandso'.... or where they did use the same surname, the Dr title would be given to the man (ie first). It also used to irk me that we had to write one letter to two people (supposung it was withheld) but Budget Constraints.

Should add these were all male-female couples, I never personally encountered any same-sex couples in this situation, so anecdotal.

Not sure if this counts...

But why are men's socks, bought from the same ship, thicker and warmer than women's socks? Is there only so much wool/cotton/etc our dainty feet can manage to carry?

@nakedavengeragain
I love them - would definitely recommend.
I don't think there is a difference between men's and women's apart from the size ranges.
And colours, sometimes.
I don't like the brightly coloured ones anyway. DH had to get some bright blue ones because more muted colours weren't available. In women's sizes they would probably have been pale purple.
But if I can get black, I always will. And both men and women's sizes come in black.

But why are men's socks, bought from the same ship, thicker and warmer than women's socks? Is there only so much wool/cotton/etc our dainty feet can manage to carry?

I've bought myself mens slippers because they actually stay dry if you step outside the house in them for a few minutes

@Hoppinggreen I love that story

Haven't been able to find a decent smartphone that fits in my hand for about 3 years now.

Men's clothes are cheaper, better quality and have better pockets.

Ooh. Another! We are buying a house. First time buyers. I am the one buying. I have collected 100% of the deposit, I will pay 100% of the mortgage payments. The house will be in my name.

Every single EA directs their conversation to my DP and the follow up emails begging us to buy are to him.

I'm not sure about the socks tbh. Mine last for years but DH's are falling apart after about 6 months and have to be replaced. I bought him some really thick ones in Next last week but they were more expensive than the normal ones he gets which are the same fabric as mine.

Yeah, my socks are thicker than DHs and last at least 5 years, his last maybe 1 and are much thinner.
But you can get thinner women's socks and thicker men's ones, so I'm not convinced on that one.

For me it's all work/children ones. And so hard to challenge because people are usually so well-meaning.

"Will you be returning to work part time after mat leave?" (I was asked repeatedly, husband was never asked).

"A long hours culture is a problem for working mothers" (because childcare is obviously only a woman's responsibility?)

"If we want more women in senior positions we need more jobshare/part time opportunities" (oh right, because that's how men got to the top. Flexible working.)

"We need more subsidised childcare to get women back into the workplace" (there are only two options of course: woman is SAHM or woman uses paid childcare. Because, as above, women are solely responsible for childcare.)

I have read every single response on this thread, and am still unsure.

I do have a non-gender-specific title (the clue is in the username). However, I very rarely use it because it seems wanky.

I do all the man stuff. I can do plumbing and electricity as XH did this stuff and I learnt it all from him. I fixed my boiler this morning. I can renovate houses. This week, I drove a Luton hire van (ok, so some would counter that this is not a big deal - but it was a fucking big deal to me. I'm a tiny person who normally drives a Fiat 500. But no man was available to bail me out).

This same week, someone I know well shifted some stuff for me because it was very heavy and needed two very strong people. In the process (it was a tight space), he accidentally put his hand on my bottom.

He said: "OMG, I touched your bottom". I said: "fuck off, there's only one person who can touch my bottom, and it's not you, matey". We had a laugh (he knows DP very well) and moved on.

I suppose I think it's all banter and makes the world go round. I would sooner cut off all my limbs than let any man other than DP near me, but in the context of getting stuff done, I'll go with it.

I just wouldn't lose any sleep over any of this stuff. If it helps you get stuff done and it helps the world go around, I'd just go with it.

My only objection (now not relevant due to my children's advanced years) is to girls' school shoes. They are evidently only intended for appearance, rather than functionality. My daughter (with big brothers) could shred a pair of Start Rites in three weeks when she was little, just because she Did Stuff like climb trees, play football, slide in mud etc. Whereas the boys' shoes (even the Clarks ones) were generally built to withstand Doing Stuff. That used to piss me off.

Unsure about what..?

@AngelTrain totally agree. I go to conferences for women where at least 50 % of the topics are about balancing work and childcare. It pisses me off no end
A) not all women have children
B) it implies it's a woman's issue to deal with

@DrGradusAdParnassum what are you unsure about? Your post makes absolutely no sense. Van driving and some nearly touched your bottom?

Unsure about whether it actually matters. I don't think it does, because I am completely old-fashioned and like being treated like a helpless Miss/Mrs Parnassum, even though I could say "I have a Doctorate, thanks very much".

I also like the fact that DP walks on the muddy side of the road and treats me as if I were special.

Other than that, I also think a bit of banter makes the world go round. And if it saves me from having to do a shit job that I don't want to do, I'll go with it.

arranged a estate agent appointment, no mention of dh but he was on file as we'd used them before. correspondence Mr and Mrs DH first name surname.

mentioned it at the end of the appointment that they might want to review and not piss off potential customers. next letter amended 👍

Because it doesn't matter to you, doesn't mean it doesn't matter. Having a doctorate isn't particularly special and has nothing to do with your attitude towards men and every day sexism.

The fact you were allowed to do one means you are benefitting from the actions of women who have gone before you. Your post still doesn't make much sense.

Angel and naked fair enough if not relevant to you but these are not just ‘well meaning’ policies, they are essential to life.

Because not all women have partners who can share or even help with childcare, at which point the policies lined up above are essential supports to staying employed and solvent and still seeing your kids. 90plus% of single parent households are still headed by women.

Fine if you personally don’t need to use those policies but thousands of women depend on them and so do their workplaces for their contribution to productivity and diversity.

OK here's a micro act. Random men in the street commenting on my body and exercise in a way that I don't think men would be subject to.

Recent incident was when I was pushing our baby around in the pram to get him to sleep, a guy with a voice like Brian Blessed boomed at me "See, all this walking is good for you". Bastard woke up my baby with his inane comment. I was so upset.

@chattylion I'm part time myself so I certainly do value those policies.

Why the implication though that they're only for women? Why no similar expectation of men? Why can't we campaign for better flexible/part time working for all parents (including single parents, male or female)? Is childcare really only a concern for "working mums" while men just carry on as if nothing has changed?

You have a PhD and you like being treated as if you were a "helpless" idiot? Do you realise how that sounds? You're not one of those surrendered wives are you?

I think more options for more flexible working will benefit everyone, men, women, parents, non-parents - and the more men and non-parents make use of flexible options and part-time working, the sooner it will no longer be seen as something just mothers need. Most of my Dutch colleagues (all men) do 4 day weeks - it's really not remarkable there.

@ebearhug yes me too.

Hair cutting availability. There are at least 10 barber shops within a mile of my house, all very cheap even for the turkish hot towel thing they do, but try to find a place that cuts ladies' hair for a decent price. It's a trip to town and not much for under £20. And I don't want the whole wash/trim/style thing, just a half inch off the bottom and fringe evened out. There's a unisex one but the last time I went there I had to wait nearly an hour because the designated person who cuts ladies' hair was busy. She said I should make an appointment next time even though the sign says walk-ins are welcome.