Do women have the right to say they feel uncomfortable over a name?

[SarahNade]

I hope this is as safe place to ask this. I am on a discussion on another thread, and it seems many think that a woman has no right to ask not to be addressed by a colloquial term, and if she does ask, she is the one being unreasonable for daring to stick her neck out, she is the one overreacting, for merely asking. Yet the male who went politely asked, gets offended that a woman dares utter her discomfort, and gets abusive with her. So why is it the woman who is 'overreacting' by merely asking not to be called something, but the man is not seen as overreacting by taking offence to her request and getting indignant?

Do women have the right to ask politely not be called something, without being told they are 'overreacting'? Or should women accept being called a term they don't like, shut up and put up with it in case she gets the male in trouble?

I would never dream of using language like to anyone in customer facing role.

Well, you're only 1 person. Plenty of other people, men and women, use love, dear, pet, duck, our first names etc.

If it's sexist for men to address a woman as love then what is it when a woman calls another woman love?

You're serving customers, therefore you don't get to have opinions about how people treat you.

Aah right, I see. So we are worth less than the customers then are we? Respect surely goes both ways. If you expect to be treated with respect maybe start treating everyone with respect, including those who are serving you.

We don’t know the real context but from the thread you’re referring to, I get the impression OP was rather rude to the delivery driver over the out of stock item which was replaced with something similar. She sounds like hard work.

Maybe he'll stop calling women "love" after this. That would be a win.

I really hope not.

I'm not British either so I guess I'll have to take my opinions and feminism elsewhere.

Or maybe not, because I have no interest in being nice,kind,pleasant and gentle and shutting up just because someone wants me to.

Op class comes into it here because the original op appeared to be looking down her nose at the delivery driver. She obviously thought that he should treat her with more deference.

Bullshit!

That was a completely made up opinion stated as fact because 1.she gets food delivered and 2.to use as another stick to beat her with.

Funny how you missed the sneery posts about her shopping at ASDA coupled with the fact that she has different(better ?!?) standards.

But the OP was name called as a snotty,snobby,classist bitch?

Seriously the irony,hypocrisy and mental gymnastics on both threads is unbelievable

I work in customer service. No, you don't get to object to a customer using terms like "love, dear" etc. It's how it works. The customer comes first, not you. The fact that you can't see that and compare your situation to the OPs is just weird.

She did treat him with respect, she asked him politely (please) not to call her love. His response was over the top, rude and totally against the rules of customer service (the job he's paid to do by customers like her).

Funnily enough this has just reminded me that I once, when I was a teenager, (very politely) asked my very highly paid middle aged male boss not to call me darling. He asked me why not and I said I just didn't like it. He then spent the next few weeks ranting about me to anyone who would listen and forced me out of my job. Yeah, men get very angry when you challenge them. This dickhead did the same to the OP of the original thread. She should have told him to fuck off, as should I to that man who persecuted me just for standing up for myself.

How hard is it for men not to call women sexist terms? Very hard indeed it seems.

Or maybe not, because I have no interest in being nice,kind,pleasant and gentle and shutting up just because someone wants me to

Do you accept being on the receiving end of people being so direct though? I think being nice, kind, pleasant and gentle is what basically makes for a pleasant society. Why bother with any pleasantries at all, such as saying please and thank you or opening doors for others or caring for the feelings of others?

Yeah but driechdrizzle, your situation was completely different. Your boss had a position of power over you, whereas with the delivery guy, it was the reverse.

Anyway, she did tell him not to say love, and he never will say love to her, seeing as the will probably never cross paths. So that's good.

The delivery man wasn't being nice, kind, pleasant and gentle. He was being patronising and belittling. As was my ex-boss. And misogynist too given their twin reactions of anger at a woman for being challenged.

I work in customer service. No, you don't get to object to a customer using terms like "love, dear" etc. It's how it works. The customer comes first, not you. The fact that you can't see that and compare your situation to the OPs is just weird.

How do you work this one out? Either it's wrong for someone to be addressed as love or it isn't. How is it ok if the person being addressed as love is of a lower status?

She did treat him with respect, she asked him politely (please) not to call her love. His response was over the top, rude and totally against the rules of customer service (the job he's paid to do by customers like her).

Where are you getting her asking politely (please) from or that he was over the top and rude?

She said she asked him to stop, firmly - what that actually looked like none of us know as we weren't there. Her idea of firmly might be my idea of rudely.

He then said she was being abusive (which she may well have been, we don't know as we weren't there). But saying she was abusive isn't being rude, that's his interpretation of it much as it was her interpretation that he was being sexist.

They are slightly different but not completely. The delivery driver was putting her in her place calling her "love". When she didn't accept her place he got very angry.

I also didn't accept my place as a subordinate to my boss who could be reminded of my sex at every occasion by being called darling. He didn't call men darling.

Thanks for your sympathy that a misogynist man made me lose my job.

I'm Scottish and have never and would never use hen and dislike being called it myself. Only person who ever called me it in my family was one of my grandparents, so I overlooked it, but I've never liked it.

How hard is it for men not to call women sexist terms? Very hard indeed it seems.

How hard is it for women to stop calling other women patronising terms then? According to you very hard indeed.

Oh they shouldn't call you love, or me for that matter, but I'm pretty sure if you complained your company would back the customer, not you. That's what I'm saying. It's the reality of working in customer service. Something that dickhead the OP on the other thread didn't seem to accept. I hope she complains about him.

Getting angry and calling your customers abusive for making polite requests is extremely rude. Try it at work if you don't believe me (I'm not going to, I like my job).

The OP didn't get angry but the delivery man did. The "be kind women" brigade don't seem to mind about his anger though.

Oops, that dickhead the OP on the other thread had to deal with

Do you accept being on the receiving end of people being so direct though?

Yes.

Getting angry and calling your customers abusive for making polite requests is extremely rude.

If you work in customer service then you most definitely have encountered customers who have been abusive and yet when confronted claim that they have been nothing but polite, possibly assertive.

Just because a customer says they were polite does not mean that they were.

How hard is it for men not to call women sexist terms?

There is nothing sexist about 'love'. Women call both men and women love. Men call women love much more often than they call men love. But that's because men aren't so touchy-feely with each other, full stop. There's rarely anything condescending in it.
Yes, sometimes it IS used in a condescending way, and that's infuriating. But let's not throw the baby out with the bathwater.

The delivery man wasn't being nice, kind, pleasant and gentle. He was being patronising and belittling. As was my ex-boss. And misogynist too given their twin reactions of anger at a woman for being challenged

I had exactly this. I challenged a colleague on calling me 'hun'. I said I didn't like it and asked him to stop. I said I felt it was over familiar and I pointed out he didn't address his male colleagues this way. His reaction was anger.

I have come across abusive customers, I certainly haven't confronted them about it. Why would I? Their behaviour is their business, not mine. We just all talk about them afterwards and judge them madly.

There is nothing sexist about 'love'.

There is when men use it to women when they don't use it to men.

Women call both men and women love.

You're right this isn't sexist. The term is used equally by them to both sexes.

Men call women love much more often than they call men love. But that's because men aren't so touchy-feely with each other, full stop.

But they're touchy feely to women they don't know? And that's OK because....?

There's rarely anything condescending in it.

See above about men being touchy feely with women they don't know when they wouldn't dream of doing the same to strange men.

Yes, sometimes it IS used in a condescending way, and that's infuriating.

We only disagree to the extent it's used to put women in their place by men. At least you're admitting men do do this.

But let's not throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Yes it's very important that men have a sexist, patronising, touchy feely term in their arsenal to remind women of our place - to be touched and felt by them.

Is this the AIBU invasion of FWR? When acronyms collide.

Plastic Patty you sound joyless

Well, I wish someone would confront the abusive customers. I know the company wants their money, but in my fantasy world, they shouldn't get served.

Is this the AIBU invasion of FWR? When acronyms collide.

The men MUST be defended, across boards or borders (or regions).