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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Help with note to teacher

100 replies

tinkerbellvspredator · 29/09/2019 09:44

Can someone help me phrase a short note to my DS's teacher that will get my point across while trying to avoid a defensive/eye roll reaction?

DS has just started reception and has asked me "why are the girls more well behaved than the boys" clearly the teacher or TA has said this.

I don't mind if DS gets told off if he's misbehaving (note I don't have concerns with his behaviour as in the nursery class his report said he was a 'role model'). He is in a large class (30) and there are more boys than girls. I don't think ALL the boys will have been more badly behaved than all the girls.

I've got:
Labelling children results in them living down/up to the stereotype
Research shows that teachers tend to ignore the same bad behaviour in girls that they pick up in boys
I doubt every single boy was not meeting the behaviour standard, leaving them confused as to why they're being told they're not behaving. If this is a repeated message they will be demoralised or think they may as well be badly behaved.

Also is there an article I could share that covers this well?

OP posts:
LoisLittsLover · 29/09/2019 09:46

Ummm, don't write it

ladygracie · 29/09/2019 09:47

I am confused. How do you know the teacher or TA has said this? And it isn’t just that he’s noticed that the children being told off are more often boys than girls?

Wolfiefan · 29/09/2019 09:47

Are you sure this has been said and he hasn’t just observed a difference?

user1483387154 · 29/09/2019 09:48

oh God dont send that

GreenTulips · 29/09/2019 09:50

Oh dear

Lexplorer · 29/09/2019 09:51

Wow! Attacking the teacher's classroom techniques based on an isolated comment from a 4 year old and only a few weeks in? Don't. You have no idea where he got that from and are already putting two and two together and making five.

SarahTancredi · 29/09/2019 09:52

He might well have noticed that himself tbh. Both mine have made similar comments and I certainly do not enforce stereotypes at home.

The issue is really whether or not the teacher is treating these children as if these stereotypes are true and that's something the teacher may not even notice they are doing in which case a note would be pointless.

noblegiraffe · 29/09/2019 09:54

You’re going to get an eye roll however you phrase it. You don’t know who said it, you don’t even know if anyone said it.

Your kid has just started school, concentrate on getting them settled in, not pissing off the teacher with patronising articles.

Beamur · 29/09/2019 09:54

Whilst I can see where you're coming from, I'd also say don't do this.
You cannot know for certain exactly what was said, the context or the nuance.
Keep an ear out for similar snippets in future.
I did gently challenge my DD's school once about the behaviour of a female teacher only to be told that said teacher couldn't possibly be treating boys and girls differently (girls less favourably in this case) because she was female herself.
I gave up - but agreed with my DD (who had complained to me about this). It was an early lesson in how women also apply sex stereotypes.

BlackberryNettles · 29/09/2019 09:55

My daughter came out with "I can't climb trees because I'm a girl" when she was 3, I knew it didn't come from me, but that didn't mean I wrote a note to the nursery about stereotyping the kids. I think it's more likely that another kid at the nursery said that to her.

iklboo · 29/09/2019 09:56

I dint get how you know the TA has 'clearly' said it. It will be obvious to your DS if the boys are more noisy / rowdy.

georgialondon · 29/09/2019 10:00

Maybe another child said it! Maybe no one said it!

PeopleMover · 29/09/2019 10:00

They will think you're bonkers. they wouldn't be wrong

Grasspigeons · 29/09/2019 10:01

I'ts quite a leap to presume it was the teacher or TA! I'd not write this. Another child might have said it - i heard many a 4 year old declare this, a parent, he might have just noticed it was only boys on the 'cloud'

pinksquash13 · 29/09/2019 10:02

Perhaps focus your time on explaining to your child why sometimes that's right and sometimes that's wrong. It isn't clear that a teacher or TA has said anything. Maybe he's noticed it himself. Teachers DO NOT have time to deal with these complaints. Imagine if everyone wrote a letter about every small thing they didn't like (without evidence of it even being true). They'd get 30 notes a day!

SarahTancredi · 29/09/2019 10:03

I did gently challenge my DD's school once about the behaviour of a female teacher only to be told that said teacher couldn't possibly be treating boys and girls differently (girls less favourably in this case) because she was female herself

The sad thing is it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy. Which is why by yr 5 the boys disrupt the classes so much. And the girls are fed up of being sat next to the "naughty boys"

Pointing this out however will sadly be a fruitless task. It requires a complete rewrite if classroom.management tactics.

Dd (yr 8) is in a boy heavy class and it's a nightmare at times. And they are wise to the boy girl boy girl seating plans by this point and frustrated by it.

I dont blame the boys as it's always inevitable if they are pre-empted to be naughty and difficult from day one and also treated as if they can help it. It's not fair on them. And it's not fair on the girls who are used to solve the problems .

How this can be changed however I dont know.

Qcng · 29/09/2019 10:03

What did your child say after you explained "boys and girls can both be badly or well behaved" (Or words to that effect)?

SarahTancredi · 29/09/2019 10:03

They cant help it

CalamityJune · 29/09/2019 10:03

Sorry but you have no idea what has or has not been said. At most, I would have a conversation with the teacher about it being an odd comment and if anything had happened in class.

They will absolutely eye roll at a note trying to inform a professional about labelling and self fulfilling prophecies. It's teacher training college Week 1 stuff.

Alexandrite · 29/09/2019 10:05

"why are the girls more well behaved than the boys" clearly the teacher or TA has said this
It's not clear that a staff member said it so they may well tell you that it's come from your son and feel free to discuss those points with him.

MrsPworkingmummy · 29/09/2019 10:07

Please don't send this OP. Don't become 'that parent'! Christ, who do you think you are?
I've been a teacher for many years and have never known another staff member who has reinforced this stereotype. The fact is ,however, in the schools I've worked in, behaviour issues in the classroom (in terms if low level behaviour, disruption, defiance etc) really DOES tend to be caused by boys. This by no means means that the girls are angels - far from it: bitchiness, friendship issues and manipulation cause teachers headaches. I work in the 11-18 age range, and whether you like it or not, there are definitely gender based behaviours in the classroom everyday.

Iminthewrongstory · 29/09/2019 10:16

Yeah, don't send it. It could hurt both your child's and your relationship with the teacher/school as it seems quite a leap and over-reaction. Children should feel free to discuss their day at school but that doesn't mean they want you to go in all guns blazing at every little incident (or, in this case, possibly non-incident.)

Wineislifex · 29/09/2019 10:17

Omg please put the pen down and step away from the notebook 🤣

testing987654321 · 29/09/2019 10:21

I've been a teacher for many years and have never known another staff member who has reinforced this stereotype

Teachers will do it without realising it at times. Classes are busy environments with many interactions going on simultaneously,, they reflect society as it is, not a perfect version.

If you want to get really depressed, read about how schools tend to reinforce low aspirations for working class students, when most teachers are there to do the exact opposite. Schools are trying hard to change this.

siring1 · 29/09/2019 10:26

Dear teacher

I've never done your job but I'm so much better at it than you are.
From
Tinker

No matter how you phrase it that's all the teacher will see

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