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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Is 'Housewife' an occupation?

292 replies

Soontobe60 · 27/09/2019 19:37

First contestant on Mastermind tonight has given her occupation as housewife. Does that mean she is employed by her husband? She looks too old to have children that need looking after, and if she had an adult disabled child then her occupation would be carer.
Surely in this day and age no one claims that their occupation is housewife?

OP posts:
Endofthedays · 27/09/2019 23:50

My mother was a strong female role model.

And a housewife.

Fraggling · 27/09/2019 23:59

She called herself housewife. It wasn't something someone else called her.

You have also made a lot of assumptions about her life eg she def doesn't have younger children. She's def not a carer. She is living off her husband. That her relationship is not equal. Etc.

It's just a word. Maybe an out of date one. But a common one, so not like she went out of her way to say something off the wall.

I also was raised to believe that women should always earn their own way etc with women in family strong working. What i realised quite late was that, that came with a large dose of masculine interests and stuff =good, stuff that is associated with women =crap.

It might be worth having a think about that op. The work that tends to fall to women is dismissed, undervalued, taken for granted. Families organise themselves in various ways. You know nothing about that woman. Maybe she looks after her grandchildren facilitating her children to earn. Maybe she volunteers a lot. Maybe she keeps things ticking over while her dh earns. Maybe she is like patsy out of ab fab...

I don't understand why her calling herself a housewife is such a problem. I mean her life could be v complex. It's a 2 sec outdated intro on a prog that's been going for yonks.

I can't really see the problem.

5zeds · 28/09/2019 00:35

I don’t understand why being a housewife is automatically not a strong role model for you OP? To me it seems fundamentally sexist to assume an employee man must be the dominant leader in a relationship. Not everyone needs a salary to feel self worth or to hold their own in a relationship. Why is that so key for you?

I describe myself as a housewife, as I would imagine, did my mother, grandmother and great grandmother. I would be very surprised if anyone felt they weren’t strong role models. They were each in their own way extraordinary women.

I find it utterly depressing to be so fixated on income that you see little value in other ways to use your life beyond earning.

Cohle · 28/09/2019 00:55

It feels like you're saying I am there to look after my husband so that he can go out to earn our money.

You're making a whole load of assumptions about this woman and her relationship.

I think the undervaluing of unpaid domestic labour traditionally undertaken by women is profoundly misogynistic.

Drabarni · 28/09/2019 00:56

Well it's not considered a job by most on here, and it was what occupied her time, I suppose.

AreaWeReady · 28/09/2019 01:06

When are you going to be on Mastermind soontobe60? Hmm
Yet another feminist who likes to slag off women to make herself feel better. 🙄

WhenPushComesToShove · 28/09/2019 01:13

Recently I had to fill in my occupation on a form and I put 'Lady of Leisure' - I bet they thought I was an ageing prostitute (which I'm not)... I'm actually a homemaker and master of all trades practical and emotional

Ginnymweasley · 28/09/2019 06:35

So you ca only be a strong female role model if you work? My relationship is equal, cause there is more to an equal relationship than the amount of money you bring in. Do you want to know who I get the most negative comments,about me staying at home, from?? Women!! And I'm sick of it. I really couldn't care less what other women do in their families but people seem to love to comment on my set up. At the core of it is misogyny and its definitly not very feminist. I dont just look after my husband or live off his money. Our relationship has changed over the years in regars to who earns the most etc but it has always been equal.
You never did say what you would prefer her to call herself?
And if we are talking strong female role models, my mum worked but was a shit role model for many reasons. My grandma on the other hand was an amazingly strong woman but she was a housewife. Being a strong woman is not about a job.

OldWoodenBoxInTheCorner · 28/09/2019 08:21

I actually spend the greatest proportion of a week asleep, but my occupation isn't somnambulist.

A somnambulist is a sleep walker not a person who sleeps.

ArnoldWhatshisknickers · 28/09/2019 08:25

I am not a housewife myself but I have many friends, neighbours and aquaintances who are.

Things they do aside from the obvious running of their own homes include-

Looking after grandchildren/nieces and nephews so parents can work without paying for childcare
Caring for elderly relatives
Sitting on the Children's panel
Volunteering for various charities
Supporting elderly neighbours
Running organisations such as Girls Brigade
Running free course via local libraries
Sitting on the Community Councils
Running community gardens and passing on knowledge at the local allotments
Helping at the local Park run

Frankly society would be up shit creek without a paddle without housewives. They are often the very people holding it all together.

betternamepending · 28/09/2019 08:35

Surely in this day and age no one claims that their occupation is housewife?

I'm a housewife. I don't have a living child so can't call myself a SAHM. I take care of our large house and do moste of the garden work (also large), I do the shopping, the cooking from scratch and take care of our social life. Becauss I'm at home I'm the go to person when a family member needs help. I'm not bored and love my life. My life doesn't have stress, or tiredness, don't get all the virusses that go around the office, health has never been better, no political annoyances at work, it's a lovely life. I will go back to work in a few years (because I loved my job) but only part time.

Spudlet · 28/09/2019 08:45

This reminds me of a conversation I had with an acquaintance a few months ago. I’m a SAHM and she was likely to become one as well, for various logistical and financial reasons that aren’t relevant here. We were discussing what to call ourselves when someone asked what we did as she was worried about being judged - I said that I tended to tailor what I said depending on the person asking. Sometimes I’ll happily say I stay at home, but for others I’ll deliberately emphasise the studying I’ve been doing or the occasional bits of freelancing I do. Because people are judgemental fuckers.

Guess I’d be bigging up the freelancing for the op.

Soontobe60 · 28/09/2019 08:45

@AreaWeReady

I'm really not slagging off anyone. My question was about the use of the term housewife. Obviously from some of the vociferous responses on this thread my understanding of the term is different to some others. I'm just trying to understand why women would use this term, which I still think is outdated.
For those of you who have said they are housewives, do you have a husband? Or are you financially independent? If the answers are yes and no, then you're lucky in that he earns enough for you to be able to stay at home, but don't kid yourself, the only reason you can do that is because of him.
Oh and no, I would never go on Mastermind. I'm just not clever enough! I didn't even know the correct meaning of somnambulist 🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 28/09/2019 08:48

@betternamepending
I'm a housewife. I don't have a living child so can't call myself a SAHM. I take care of our large house and do moste of the garden work (also large), I do the shopping, the cooking from scratch and take care of our social life. Becauss I'm at home I'm the go to person when a family member needs help. I'm not bored and love my life. My life doesn't have stress, or tiredness, don't get all the virusses that go around the office, health has never been better, no political annoyances at work, it's a lovely life.

Lucky you. Are you able to do this because you bought the large house with large garden and saved a shit load of money when you did work, or because you have a husband who earns a lot?

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 28/09/2019 08:54

m.youtube.com/watch?v=b5K-pIRUnbY

Is it coincidental that this popped up on my Facebook feed this morning 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
HandsOffMyRights · 28/09/2019 08:54

I was made redundant for a while when my children were small and hated that I needed a label when asked what I did. For feeling inadequate when I said I'm at home with the kids.

This reminds me of one of Alan Partridge's gems when a caller rings in to Mid Morning Matters.
She describes her occupation as "housewife" and Alan replies: "you mean you're unemployed."

5zeds · 28/09/2019 09:00

Are you able to do this because you bought the large house with large garden and saved a shit load of money when you did work, or because you have a husband who earns a lot?

What on Earth does this have to do with anything? Confused. Is your thread less about what a housewife is and more about you judging if it’s “OK” for women not to work in paid employment and having the audacity not to be ashamed of their life choices?

GoldenEvilHoor · 28/09/2019 09:00

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

PeriComoToes · 28/09/2019 09:00

In this day and age why are Mastermind asking for her to state her occupation. Who gives a fuck? Totally irrelevant.

5zeds · 28/09/2019 09:03

I think asking someone’s occupation is fairly bland introduction small talk. I doubt it’s to do more than attempt to give the contestants a bit more presence in the show.

ArnoldWhatshisknickers · 28/09/2019 09:05

GoldenEvilHoor, yes I noticed that too.

PeriComoToes, I have a nasty feeling that an earlier poster was spot on in suggesting they ask so they can express faux shock when it turns out the cleaner isn't as dumb as a brick.

(I used to be a cleaner, they know everything and should never be trifled with)

Namenic · 28/09/2019 09:05

If it is more efficient to divide up labour so that one person goes out to work and the other stays at home - why not? It’s economics - people get specialised and good at a specific range of tasks (that varies from household to household).

In commercial companies there are a number of support roles like accounts, HR, PAs, IT. They do not bring in money to the organisation but are essential for it to grow and flourish. It’s about teamwork.

ErrolTheDragon · 28/09/2019 09:07

I'm not critical of women who occupy this role - I'm critical of the status afforded to it by our misogynist society.

As far as mastermind goes, I think they are probably using 'occupation' as a lazy shorthand for 'the thing that most defines who you are' - which is true for some people but not for many others, that's a very old fashioned idea, especially nowadays when far fewer people have one job for life.

Lamahaha · 28/09/2019 09:08

Housewife is fine. It's the modern devaluing of it that's not.

^ And I'm glad to see so many MNers defending the role; it's not something I expected from a feminist board. How times have changed!

Maybe it's because I had such strong female role models in my mother and grandmother who drummed into me and my sisters that we should always strive to have an equal partner, and a career to support ourselves,...

This makes me believe that, contrary to your claims of not being concerned about the role itself, you do actually see it as a lesser role than that of workplace career.

But it's not. And we have to be watchful that we don't replace the old stereotypes of what a woman should do to be worthy, with new ones, ie, have a career.

My mother was a very early feminist in a "third world" country, a leader, outspoken, breaking boundaries for women. Probably the first woman in the country to divorce her husband and be a single mother. She worked from the time I was a small baby and I hated it. This was in the early 50's, so for me, the main role model was exactly the 50's style housewife that you deplore: the mother of my best friend as a teenager.

This woman was a loving, caring, generous person who always had food on the table, treats for kids, played with us, talked to us, had endless time for us. You went into her house, and it felt like home; it had a beating heart -- so unlike the dry, empty place I lived in with my mother! I can't remember my mother ever once cooking a meal for me. I felt lonely, abandoned. When I was very small, we lived with my grandmother and aunt and mum brought home the money, suporting us all, so she actually had the role od "husband" in a traditional familiy.

She always talked down about women who stayed home "among the pots and pans" and perhaps in the tradition of teenagers everywhere who rebel against their parents, I decided then and there what when and if I had children, I would stay home "among the pots and pans" if at all possible.

My role model was exactly that 50's housewife mother of my friend; who by the way was an extremely strong woman, the centre of her home, and her husband knew it and always conceded to her; he was a shadow of her. There was no question, who ruled the roost in that home, but she did it gently, caringly.

Also let's not forget that 50's housewives in Europe were exceedingly stalwart and of extraordinary calibre, having lived through the war. I hate it when they are denigrated, looked upon as doormats. I have every respect for these women, regardless of their occupation.

(In spite of what I said above, my mother was extraordinary in her own right and I have every respect for the life she lived and what she achieved. She just was not a very good mother, and probably should not have had a child. Though she did love me in her own way, which amounted to spoiling me.)

notacooldad · 28/09/2019 09:08

In this day and age why are Mastermind asking for her to state her occupation. Who gives a fuck? Totally irrelevant
To be fair they ask everyone, it's not like they have singled the lady out!!
I like seeing the occupations. It shows they have a range of people from different backgrounds and not being elitist and only picking people from high brow or cultured heritage.
If the lady says she is a housewife, then that is absolutely fine!!