Banned from women-only FB group

[maet]

A trans woman edited by MNHQ because OP is using second language posted in a women's only FB group wanting free emotional labour and "validation" from untrained women to help them with getting over their abusive ex boyfriend.

I stated it wasn't appropriate to ask untrained women to take on their emotional labour, especially considering what had happened to them was so traumatic (according to them they ended up in hospital), and especially not for free and suggested they seek professional help instead.

Cue trans woman and women stating I was being transphobic, and "wouldn't understand the fear a marginalised group would go through."

I was told I hadn't been through a traumatic experience before so couldn't possibly understand what the OP was going through.

I've been banned from a group specifically designed for women. Nowhere in the post did I mention anything about the OP being trans.

I am so sick of this shit. The world has gone mad.

*centre

JessicaWakefieldSV

a thread on the feminist boards is never complete without Early, Decomposers or someone else, questioning the authenticity of a woman’s account of her situation.

Yep. Let's force the op to do some more emotional labour!

Datun is 100% right, this is a common situation and has seen many women's groups disappear. I'm sorry for your experience maet

The OP was someone venting not a quote so quite understandable that they were worded differently.

They are gaslighting women here and do not expect anyone to be smart enough to notice.

Yes indeed.

No OP, you did the right thing.

On AIBU you see strange posts all the time about sensitive issues, or strange issues, where members then see the pattern, suspect it’s a weirdo looking for other similar stories to be shared so they can get off on it. Unlike this FB group, MNHQ are pretty savvy to those kinds of posts and deal with them accordingly.

Ok, so now a transwoman who’s explained they are experiencing domestic violence and asked for help, must be getting a sexual kick from it?

You are revolting if your mind instantly goes to this.

Anyone who’s been in an abusive relationship will know that when you’re in fear, emotionally exhausted, scared to get caught - you don’t always think rationally. This person asked for help, why she asked there, only she knows.

Your comments you claim to have made were not transphobic OP, the comments implying this person must have had an ulterior motive - most definitely are.

I will say, I wish I'd never actually had my eyes open to the rampant misogyny that seems to have invaded this wave of feminism. Once you've seen it you can un-see it. It's everywhere. Even women tear other women down when they don't bow down and centre men in their own movement.

But if this is actually your point, OP, why focus on the fact that this person is trans?

Because that's the reason OP was ejected from the group - perceived transphobia.

@Earlywalker can I ask who suggested the FB poster was getting a sexual kick from posting? I missed it, and it certainly wasn't implied in my posts.

Well... in both my original post and my post on FB I mention it's not appropriate, that we are not medically trained and that I hoped they found appropriate professional care.

Yes, but your OP is very accusatory and could in no way be deemed supportive and I can see why the mods would have a problem with it, regardless of who you were aiming it at. Had the poster been female and you said that to them it wouldn't have been appropriate either.

If your latest version is true, then I can't see anything wrong with that and if that is what git you banned then maybe the group simply isn't one that is right for you if what you want is wholly professional group centred only on posting about tech start up issues.

why she asked there, only she knows.

Yeah, we can have a bloody good guess. We aren't stupid. We have eyes and brains and pattern recognition abilities.

Well quite prawn.

I can never forget all the AGPs coming out of the woodwork during the MeToo period.

Anyone with an ounce of judgement could separate the genuine from the lurid stories of the attention seekers.

Datun is 100% right, this is a common situation and has seen many women's groups disappear. I'm sorry for your experience maet

I'm also sorry that this happened to you, OP.

Anyone who’s been in an abusive relationship will know that when you’re in fear, emotionally exhausted, scared to get caught - you don’t always think rationally. This person asked for help, why she asked there, only she knows

Oh dont be ridiculous. What are the chances really of the only forum they could sign up to were ones in a foreign country about women in tech. Wtf are the chances really?

It's not a coincidence. And five mins.on reddit will prove that.

Amd yes people post everything from.period shit to toileting, bras etc on the hope people share personal stories.

Bugger off with the " it never happens crap"

can I ask who suggested the FB poster was getting a sexual kick from posting? I missed it, and it certainly wasn't implied in my posts.

The post has been deleted.

You are revolting if your mind instantly goes to this.

You are revolting to deny the many accounts of this exact thing happening.

To post GRAPHIC DETAILS in a tech group is fucked up and you know it

prawns post which has now been deleted, although datun agrees. jessicas post above mine.

Don’t attempt to gaslight me.

OP there is a substantial difference in tone and content between your opening post and the word for word comment - even down to the context in which the word "appropriate" is used.

If the later word for word comment is the only post you made then the moderator has been unfair in banning you.

Had you posted the first version then I think it would have been reasonable for the moderator to have had a behind the scenes chat with you along the lines that whilst the post wasn't suitable for the group your response didn't need to be so harsh, but no need to ban you.

the comments implying this person must have had an ulterior motive - most definitely are.

No they’re not. It’s called experience. We are noticing patterns.

Yes I have seen this type of thing several times and I know of many more. TRAs often deliberately target women's Facebook groups and cause drama and conflict when they are not put front and centre.

Don’t attempt to gaslight me.

You know what AGP is, early. Don't be ridiculous. You're denying it exists?

Don’t attempt to gaslight me.

What, like you’re doing to the OP? I don’t think you know what the word means

I feel this thread is taking on another different turn, one that I don't know too much about. So I'll leave for now, but thanks for all of the different perspectives. I vented and, yes it's unfair but these things are happening to women. I'll move on and still do my feminist activism, but probably away from social media.

I do wish I knew some of you women in real life though!

What was that long running saga about those women 'nerds', who were constantly targeted by transactivists.

It went on and on. Because they had vaginas in the title. And it was deemed transphobic.

Bugger off with the " it never happens crap"

It literally happens on Mumsnet. Usually in AIBU.

@MNHQ please do not be heavy handed with discussing something that you yourselves delete from your own site. You know there are disingenuous posters, regardless of gender identity they exist, and they post weird graphic personal things in inappropriate places so they get stories shared back.

I know you know this because I’ve seen you delete posts and give this exact explanation.