Banned from women-only FB group

[maet]

A trans woman edited by MNHQ because OP is using second language posted in a women's only FB group wanting free emotional labour and "validation" from untrained women to help them with getting over their abusive ex boyfriend.

I stated it wasn't appropriate to ask untrained women to take on their emotional labour, especially considering what had happened to them was so traumatic (according to them they ended up in hospital), and especially not for free and suggested they seek professional help instead.

Cue trans woman and women stating I was being transphobic, and "wouldn't understand the fear a marginalised group would go through."

I was told I hadn't been through a traumatic experience before so couldn't possibly understand what the OP was going through.

I've been banned from a group specifically designed for women. Nowhere in the post did I mention anything about the OP being trans.

I am so sick of this shit. The world has gone mad.

The women in tech group do want to allow a transwoman to post in their group. I absolutely support their right to allow that

so did the OP

I must reiterate to some that my issue was never a trans woman being in the group but posting something inappropriate, expecting women to do widely inappropriate things for them and then getting people banned from the group because they didn't like the responses and didn't get what they want.

so you agree. which is nice

It appears that this male posted about graphic abuse they had suffered in a forum about women in tech. do you think that's appropriate?

I read that the person wanted to meet up with women from the group, irl.

Where does it say that?

see OPs post at 10:47

I read that the person wanted to meet up with women from the group, irl

Where does it say that?

Was thinking the same as I've read the entire thread, and I haven't seen that said anywhere! (apologies if I've missed it though)

crossposted with bernard

Obviously that is inappropriate. There are plenty of support groups online for anyone to share and talk about abuse they have suffered.
I have found from experience that it is a good idea to avoid people who have no sense of appropriate boundaries.

DecomposingComposers

I read that the person wanted to meet up with women from the group, irl.

@Where does it say that?"

Right here.

@Earlywalker I wanted to ensure this person went to an appropriate professional for help.
I never made reference to them being trans, they called me transphobic simply because I didn't dawn over them and told them there are much more appropriate places to seek help. They weren't asking for advice, they were asking to meet women in the group to validate their experiences and listen to and provide untrained help through their "trauma". That's not fair to the OP or the women in the group.

'It appears that this (person) posted about graphic abuse they had suffered in a forum about women in tech. do you think that's appropriate?'

And was asking them to meet up irl.

And was a bearded male person, like it or not, that is a different dynsmic to a woman asking to meet. It is dodgy as fuck.

It appears that this male posted about graphic abuse they had suffered in a forum about women in tech. do you think that's appropriate?

How can we judge if it's appropriate though? We don't know what was posted, or what other people had posted to know whether it was inappropriate or not. The people who did see it all clearly decided that it wasn't inappropriate.

Not that any women were asking to meet,

Inappropriate behaviour.

Op rang alarm bells

Op was booted.

It appears that this male posted about graphic abuse they had suffered in a forum about women in tech. do you think that's appropriate?

I think was is and isn't appropriate for a particular forum is for the moderators/admins of that forum to decide.

I think it's very easy to "armchair moderate" a forum you know nothing about. Mumsnet is a parenting forum yet discussions about all sorts of off topic issues are allowed, including descriptions of graphic abuse.

It's definitely not appropriate to go on a women in tech forum, share upsetting personal issues, and ask women to meet.

The fact that the person was bearded, so of the male sex, the sex which is more dangerous, adds to the inappropriateness.

If you can't see that I don't know what to say.

Wow another one.

Datun

Oh ok. I didn't read that as wanting to meet face to face. I read as meeting them in the group.

Just looked, yes I agree that isn't appropriate, I'd be wary of meeting up with people I didn't know online.

Don't really get this bit of the post though
@Earlywalker I wanted to ensure this person went to an appropriate professional for help. I never made reference to them being trans

If that's all you said, there's nothing wrong with it but you have repeatedly made reference to them being trans all the way through this thread and said you're sick of centring males.
Obviously we don't know what you posted in the FB group but I'm getting the impression that we're hearing an edited version. They did say you were being transphobic, and some of what you're posting on here does come across as maybe they had a point?
Sorry if that sounds hard to hear but it's how you're coming across
I'd like to hear the other side of the story too.

How can we judge if it's appropriate though? We don't know what was posted, or what other people had posted to know whether it was inappropriate or not. The people who did see it all clearly decided that it wasn't inappropriate

Cross posted with you, I basically said the same but you much more eloquently than me
What you just said lol

Last time: I was okay with a trans woman posting in the group - if they were posting about tech start ups! But they weren't.

Yeah mumsnet was a site about parenting and now the majority of posters here spend their days talking about ball waxing and pup fetishes... I don’t think you’re ones to judge what’s appropriate on a forum

I don’t think anyone here has enough information to say whether it was inappropriate or if their were ulterior motives.

Some things don’t add up, for sure. OPs not mentioned weather she followed up her initial comment with anything though, I don’t think? Maybe that’s the key!

Or maybe they all just really hate woman, and set up a group specifically for female tech start ups, so they could give support to woman for 2 years and then unveil their hate for woman at a later date and now was the time? Who knows.

They don't and won't see that Fraggling as has been demonstrated throughout this thread.

Again, as pp stated, avoid those without boundaries and who refused to support others' boundaries

I read that the person wanted to meet up with women from the group, irl.

That is dodgy as fuck, surely.

Yes.

I have found from experience that it is a good idea to avoid people who have no sense of appropriate boundaries.

Also yes.

A brand new poster with poor boundaries wanting to meet up with women after posting about abuse in graphic detail in a completely unrelated forum raises big red flags.

And again: I WASN'T the only person who told the poster to seek professional help. All of us were called transphobic, and I know at least 2 of us were banned from the group. It's possible more were too, but I don't know. I believe the admin was bullied, and I know that many other members weren't happy with the post.
I wish people would read the entire thread and not just jump to conclusions or make things up.

We all only ever have what OP provides scratches around for any last straws

I didn't get a chance to follow up my post, as I was banned from the group. I posted once, was called a transphobe and then swiftly removed from the group. Along with another woman, and possibly others.

Some dont see red flags though.

I guess we need to accept that. There are still many who don't see massive red flags waving in front of their eyes.

Threads like this hopefully help open eyes to that.

A brand new poster with poor boundaries wanting to meet up with women after posting about abuse in graphic detail in a completely unrelated forum raises big red flags

I agree that it's inappropriate to want to meet up.
I'm not sure why her trans status has anything to do with it though.
The group allows transwomen in as they see them as women, so she had every right to be there, so it's not really poor boundaries being in a women's group you're allowed to be part of.

Yes, but the OP has posted 2 versions of what they apparently said, both telling the trans woman to seek help but both wildly different in their tone.

If the OP wrote the first then I think that was grossly inappropriate and was said only because it was to a trans woman. If that is what was said the. I can see why they were banned.

The 2bd version appears completely innocuous and if that is what was said, and nothing more, than I cannot understand at all why it was considered transphobic not why the OP was banned.

But I am confused because both of these accounts, wildly different, have been reported by the OP. Who knows which is the true account?