Banned from women-only FB group

[maet]

A trans woman edited by MNHQ because OP is using second language posted in a women's only FB group wanting free emotional labour and "validation" from untrained women to help them with getting over their abusive ex boyfriend.

I stated it wasn't appropriate to ask untrained women to take on their emotional labour, especially considering what had happened to them was so traumatic (according to them they ended up in hospital), and especially not for free and suggested they seek professional help instead.

Cue trans woman and women stating I was being transphobic, and "wouldn't understand the fear a marginalised group would go through."

I was told I hadn't been through a traumatic experience before so couldn't possibly understand what the OP was going through.

I've been banned from a group specifically designed for women. Nowhere in the post did I mention anything about the OP being trans.

I am so sick of this shit. The world has gone mad.

The only thing I'd do differently to you is that I wouldn't have engaged with them, I'd have reported the post, hidden/blocked the person and moved onto another discussion.

I think it would be a good idea if you set up your own women only group on facebook for your field (or whatever the original group was meant to be for) and I expect you'd find other women feel the same as you and would join it. Then you can moderate the discussion and remove people who try to derail the group.

Exactly.

I'm confident based on what I've heard - and we can never really know - that OP would have reacted similarly had a new female member joined and posted something similar.

Do you honestly think that, had a female member posted something similar that the op would have responded with

I stated it wasn't appropriate to ask untrained women to take on their emotional labour, especially considering what had happened to them was so traumatic (according to them they ended up in hospital), and especially not for free and suggested they seek professional help instead.

Do you not agree with women centring themselves and having women only spaces? You seem to think that crashing into a women forum for tech start ups to divulge graphic abuse is all completely normal and acceptable.

Firstly, there are no ‘safe spaces’ on the internet, ridiculous to suggest otherwise. Woman can set up whatever groups they like. The admins of the group (assuming woman) have let this transwoman in, as a woman, so they have included transwoman in their definition of woman. It’s their group, not yours and not OP’s.

My issue is with the assumptions as to why the transwoman posted there and that it was automatically to ‘validate’ themselves or to get ‘sexual pleasure’ or to ‘invade a safe space’.

Accusations that probably wouldn’t be made if it was a man, or a woman that posted on that group.

I’ve said if OP is telling the truth about her response that I don’t think she was transphobic at all (obviously!)

@RosesAndRaindrops well, seeing as I work in tech start ups, it's a Male dominated field. I've stared many times, if the trans woman posted something related to the tech field, that's fine. I don't actually care if a trans woman joins a woman in tech group. I don't agree that they should post what they did post. No warning, not appropriate. I've posted prior to this that it was incredibly graphic, and as someone who's been in an abusive relationship I didn't want to read it in a place where I never expected to read something like that. I pointed them in the direction of places where they can find appropriate help and I was called a transphobe, TERF etc. So, I am sick of centring males and unfortunately many women think I should. Well I won't.

DecomposingComposers if a woman had, I would have also pointed them in the direction of a mental health professional. Why would a group of women in tech be able to help with a mental health issue? We are not qualified. That's dangerous not only for the trans woman, but for any woman who takes on such a responsibility. Who would support that woman?

You seem to be making this a trans person issue.

It was clear what the group was about.

I think you are being deliberately obtuse.

*just seems like that group was not suitable for the OP, clearly she has different requirements of the group than it is offering

What a gross distortion of the truth! straw grabbing*

I agree truth some amazing mental gymnastics to come up with that! I mean there are differences of opinion and then there's that!

Earlywalker ^

Do you not agree with women centring themselves and having women only spaces?

I'm agree with groups of women defining for themselves who they are happy to welcome into their spaces and what subjects they are happy to discuss.

If they admins had decided to exclude transwomen from their group then I would support them in that choice too. But I don't think failing to do so makes them bad feminists who are pandering to men.

Given the OP's behaviour here I imagine we are getting a rather one sided account of what led to her deletion frankly.

Sorry for the shocking typos - following OP's charming advice to get a hobby I am watching Wimbledon as I MN

Can you step in to stop this derailing and spoiling for a fight

For goodness sake, it is not derailing when people quite rightly don't lie down and take it when they're treated shittily on here.
Nor is it derailing to question a point or have a differing opinion.
When people say derailing do they mean "help, somebody's questioning the echo chamber, ,make it stop?"

I'd suggest not to feed the 3 or so people who are desperate for a fight. Let's stop posting on this thread now and move on. I realise you don't have women's interests at heart and just enjoy trying to upset people. It hasn't worked for you unfortunately 😀 presuming you're all in the U.K., I am an hour ahead of you so I'll enjoy the last few hours of the weekend!

Let's stop posting on this thread now and move on

I'm sorry but I did do an actual lol there!

You heard, everybody! Stop posting immediately as people are being disagreed with, I mean WTF lol

If you're not looking for a fight OP maybe you should stop posting goady shite like anyone who disagrees with you "doesn't have women's interests at heart"

It's hardly a derail when the entire thread is about the OP's behaviour in online forums/groups. I for one now find it a lot less surprising that she was banned from a Facebook group

Same.

seem to think that crashing into a women forum for tech start ups to divulge graphic abuse is all completely normal and acceptable.

That depends on what the admins of the group deem suitable for their group though surely?

They saw all of the posts and found that it was the ops behaviour that was unacceptable. Maybe they didn't view it as someone crashing into a group for women and divulging inappropriate information. Maybe they saw it as a vulnerable person seeking help and chose to support them.

Ultimately that is their perrogative as it's their group. What we, or anyone else, thinks about their decision is immaterial because it isn't our group.

Much like MN set their own rules - we can choose to abide by them, leave or get banned if we continuously break them.

maet

So you would have specifically told a woman not to expect other women to do their emotional labour, after they'd disclosed domestic abuse?

I find that hard to believe.

You really shouldn’t invalidate a woman’s safe space like this, the aubergine emoji is actually really triggering to us wanking robots

Duster, seriously, are you OK?

Duster, seriously, what are you on about?

I don't get your logic. We're not allowed to disagree with a poster just because she's a woman?
We've got to automatically say everything she says is right just because she's female?