Banned from women-only FB group

[maet]

A trans woman edited by MNHQ because OP is using second language posted in a women's only FB group wanting free emotional labour and "validation" from untrained women to help them with getting over their abusive ex boyfriend.

I stated it wasn't appropriate to ask untrained women to take on their emotional labour, especially considering what had happened to them was so traumatic (according to them they ended up in hospital), and especially not for free and suggested they seek professional help instead.

Cue trans woman and women stating I was being transphobic, and "wouldn't understand the fear a marginalised group would go through."

I was told I hadn't been through a traumatic experience before so couldn't possibly understand what the OP was going through.

I've been banned from a group specifically designed for women. Nowhere in the post did I mention anything about the OP being trans.

I am so sick of this shit. The world has gone mad.

Well, it's a bit like reading the Telegraph and getting annoyed you don't get a socialist point of view.

Not agreeing wholeheartedly with certain rabidly gender critical posters doesn't mean you're not a feminist and shouldn't be allowed to post on the MN feminist boards.

I certainly have reservations about the impact trans rights have on women. But some of the rhetoric and assumptions about trans people made on this board are wildly offensive.

I really dislike the conflation of sensible GC discussion with transphobia but I find it increasingly hard to defend MN from that accusation.

What use is preaching to the choir though? If you only ever interact with people who think exactly the same as you, what do you gain except for an inflated ego and an inability to see opposing views?

Truth is OP, you don’t know if she joined because she’s part of the same community or if it was for ‘validation’ do you?

PCohle I agree some users made some inappropriate comments about trans people, yet I never did and was confused about some and stated so, but seemed to be the only person you were "calling out" as being rude... strange.

The truth is early the post was irrelevant and inappropriate. There are far more relevant places the person could have posted but chose not to.

Earlywalker well they weren't asking for help with tech start ups...

And the only people I've ever known to surround themselves with people who only agree with them and shut down any hope of discussion are TRAs.

Because you were merely rude OP.

The posters who were transphobic were, in my opinion, breaking talk guidelines and I reported their posts but MNHQ have totally failed to respond.

And the only people I've ever known to surround themselves with people who only agree with them and shut down any hope of discussion are TRAs.

Are you new here?

There are far more relevant places the person could have posted but chose not to

Of course, but the reasons for them posting there are unknown.

As for preaching to the choir, having a difference of opinion is welcomed on the board but derailing with random rubbish is generally called out.

Why don't MNHQ step in and ban these inadequate women-haters on sight? Legit this thread fucking hums of them.

Of course, but the reasons for them posting there are unknown.

That they got at least 2 women banned from the group is indicative though esp given the reasons why.

Earlywalker well, they stated VERY clearly what they wanted from the group of women. And I've said that many times. Won't comment on this thread anymore because a lot of people are "derailing" - a new word I've learnt today! I'm okay with being out of the group now, I've joined some GC groups instead and I'm about to meet some friends for beers by the water! Goodnight.

PCohle I agree some users made some inappropriate comments about trans people, yet I never did and was confused about some and stated so, but seemed to be the only person you were "calling out" as being rude... strange.

Why did Mumsnet edit some of your posts and delete others then? Clearly there were inappropriate comments made by you for the posts to be deleted and edited.

DecomposingComposers because I made errors in my English apparently. It states in the first post. They've edited it. I think also because I said that trans women are biological male, which is a simple fact. But I'd be guessing, I'm not sure.

MN do delete anything outside of guidelines and have deleted on this thread so any posts still standing aren't considered to be transphobic.

I'm confident based on what I've heard - and we can never really know - that OP would have reacted similarly had a new female member joined and posted something similar.

having a difference of opinion is welcomed on the board

LOL.

It just seems like that group was not suitable for the OP, clearly she has different requirements of the group than it is offering

Oh FFS the group was set up for women based in Berlin to discuss tech startups in German. A male bodied American claiming to be a trans woman jumps in to discuss abuse, graphically and in English on a women's forum. The default assumption for this behaviour should be "troll" not "redefine the group and change the rules to suit them".

No amount of whataboutery will change the fact that this has always been a common tactic from men attacking the existance of women's technical groups. They know they can always rely on some women being coerced into "being nice and welcoming" even though it destroys the purpose of the group.

This is just the latest incarnation. Men are now also using TRA politics to attack women's groups.

On what planet is it acceptable to jump into a German language women's tech group, to demand they validate graphic sexual abuse stories in English?

I've admin'd a number of such groups and I can guess what kind of coercion and passive agressive threats the admins were subjected to. The frequency has increased over the last years.

Truth is OP, you don’t know if she joined because she’s part of the same community or if it was for ‘validation’ do you?

Neither do you. In any case OP was perfectly civilised and gave them a helpful suggestion. She didn't post 'Oh my god a trans pervert - got off this forum' did she. Merely suggested that help could be sought elsewhere.

There are some good examples of the use of the term 'emotional labour on Twitter, that are relevant to this thread. not least of which the demand that women - especially OP - should be nicer

Are you referring to the suggestions (or as you would put it "demands") that the OP might like to consider that she was being rude and hypocritical to Decomposer?

Or are you referring to the demands made by other posters that her rudeness should be overlooked or not even commented on?

Apart from many women including the OP are fed up of being told tobe nice

I'm pretty fed up of it.

Hi OP,

I think I would have felt the same as you, I'm not sure why you're getting attacked. From what I understand, the group was not a domestic violence support group and was in fact career related and for women only, so asking for domestic violence help in it is not appropriate, especially by a male.

The same thing has happened to most 'women only' groups on reddit. They have all been taken over by men identifying as women asking questions about 'how they can look prettier' etc and then you get all these fawning women falling over themselves to centre the only male. I'm in a couple of professional groups on facebook and a couple of support groups and I'd never start asking for emotional support in the professional groups, it would be totally odd and inappropriate behaviour.

The only thing I'd do differently to you is that I wouldn't have engaged with them, I'd have reported the post, hidden/blocked the person and moved onto another discussion.

I think it would be a good idea if you set up your own women only group on facebook for your field (or whatever the original group was meant to be for) and I expect you'd find other women feel the same as you and would join it. Then you can moderate the discussion and remove people who try to derail the group.

I did actually mean proper women...

just seems like that group was not suitable for the OP, clearly she has different requirements of the group than it is offering

What a gross distortion of the truth! straw grabbing

DecomposingComposers because I made errors in my English apparently. It states in the first post. They've edited it. I think also because I said that trans women are biological male, which is a simple fact. But I'd be guessing, I'm not sure.

It doesn't say that you made errors in your English - they've deleted part of your post stating that it's because you are posting in a 2nd language.

Why did the delete other of your posts? The messages there say because they broke talk guidelines so MN deemed them inappropriate. I think it's a bit disingenuous therefore to claim that you've never posted anything inappropriate. You must have or those posts wouldn't have been deleted.

PCohle Earlywalker Decomposer

Do you not agree with women centring themselves and having women only spaces?

You seem to think that crashing into a women forum for tech start ups to divulge graphic abuse is all completely normal and acceptable.

dubious indeed

Have RTFT.
If that really is all you said (that in your OP) about it not being an appropriate topic, then there's nothing wrong with that.
However, your subsequent posts really don't add up as you go onto repeatedly say you're sick of centring males, saying man etc, so yeah, I think there sounds like there's more to this story.

Well yes, I've clearly made errors in English so they've edited it. And I stated they've probably deleted some posts because I've stated factually that trans women are men. I'm constantly having to repeat myself. I wonder about some people's comprehension skills. But if you're so worried, ask them? They haven't given me a reason.