Banned from women-only FB group

[maet]

A trans woman edited by MNHQ because OP is using second language posted in a women's only FB group wanting free emotional labour and "validation" from untrained women to help them with getting over their abusive ex boyfriend.

I stated it wasn't appropriate to ask untrained women to take on their emotional labour, especially considering what had happened to them was so traumatic (according to them they ended up in hospital), and especially not for free and suggested they seek professional help instead.

Cue trans woman and women stating I was being transphobic, and "wouldn't understand the fear a marginalised group would go through."

I was told I hadn't been through a traumatic experience before so couldn't possibly understand what the OP was going through.

I've been banned from a group specifically designed for women. Nowhere in the post did I mention anything about the OP being trans.

I am so sick of this shit. The world has gone mad.

One fact you can't twist blatently is the part about harrassment from pathetic people. Embarrassing, really 😏

I'll take it as a compliment about the English LassOfFyvie, but I have been struggling and I don't use it as an excuse.
I wanted the thread to stay on topic. I don't understand why someone hangs around on a thread just to cause trouble.
I haven't been rude to anyone. If you're not prepared to have a civil discussion, then I don't understand why you'd hang around on the thread.
It started off as talking about a FB group, very quickly it turned into something else: "wanking" on the phone, illness, a whole host of things that aren't in keeping with the original post.
So I'm really more than happy for everyone to move on.
I'm reading a lovely book on my balcony and will enjoy the day. Hope you all can too.

Maybe because pathetic people on this thread are harassing her about language when it’s been said many times this isn’t even her second language, and that repeating the same fucking things over and over with someone you clearly disagree with and have since page 1, is irritating as hell!

No one harassing her about her language, I have stated that I think her behaviour is rude. It would be a little patronising of me to assume that a non-native speaker couldn't adequately convey her meaning, no? Especially one whose English is so good that she can criticise other posters for not being familiar with terms like "emotional labour".

You clearly agree with her and have since page one, so I'm not quite sure why your defence of OP is any less irritating.

BeNiceBeNiceBeNiceBeNice

Be kind to that random male, the one disregarding the group's boundaries and purpose, the one who showed so little respect for any other group member (all females of course) that they ejaculated their graphic fantasy story and expected a fresh batch of narc supply cookies in return.

Fuck. That.

This one out of them point is the one I really hope you consider doing. I would hope we all would

Fuck. That.

No, I won't set myself or my sisters on fire to keep a damaged man warm. Unlike the mods of maet's former group.

Fuck. Nice.

There are some good examples of the use of the term 'emotional labour on Twitter, that are relevant to this thread. not least of which the demand that women - especially OP - should be nicer.

''Are you expecting women to stop what they're doing, stop living their experiences with unstable and violent men, and COMFORT this asshat? Seriously? Have you googled #EmotionalLabor recently? And fuck.. it's worse, scarier, more dangerous than that. Women are not sacrificial.
twitter.com/Unseelie/status/1149089195211677696

''I get ur point but emotional labour isn’t done exclusively in the workplace its done in the home too and mainly by women- resolving conflicts and tension in the home, providing support and care, performing the role of an amateur therapist are all expected of women''
twitter.com/Lesbeau_/status/1130539981376806915

wanking" on the phone

The people who raised this were agreeing with you op. They were giving their opinion on why the trans woman joined the group.

@maet just wanted to say that you sound lovely and I wish I was in Berlin and could buy you a drink.

I hope you form a new friendship with the other woman who was banned and maybe find a way back into the original group or maybe even start your own.

I think your English is great, I agree with you and I like the way you have moved on from the negative comments already. I like your style!

Apart from many women including the OP are fed up of being told to be nice the German language and those who speak it as a first language are in my experience far more direct. This is not rude, blunt maybe but not rude and most certainly related to the OP being a native German speaker.

Interesting that there are lots of derailers on this thread yet none of them have commented on the indefensible Laural Hubbard thread.

DecomposingComposers oh, I know and I was very confused by it.

Actually Decomposing I specifically said I didn't think the wanking phone calls were relevant to OP's post but was pointing out that in the real world some people do abuse other's good intentions frequently because you were making out someone asking for help would always be genuine.

Thanks OhHolyJesus!

FormerMediocreMale you're right. We Germans are a lot more direct. Perhaps that came across as rude. I apologise and it wasn't the intention. I grew up speaking German and Arabic (the latter with my parents) so I am very direct. I didn't think in my post on FB I was rude. And I didn't think I was particularly rude when saying people have been spending too much time on this thread - myself included. I've been outside in the real world and I feel much better!

HelenHelpline

It wasn't just your post I was referring to, it was the other posts involving sex lines and the Samaritans.

sometimes people lean on strangers as the first place to go for help, hopefully that will lead them on to the appropriate place

And OP pointed them in the direction of an appropriate place....

@MNHQ

Can you step in to stop this derailing and spoiling for a fight.

The only reason some seem to be here is to pick holes and be abusive/goady about every single thing anyone says,no matter how irrelevant.

This is not the way of healthy discussion,, and OP should not be shut down for her discussion.

Nor should she feel she has to shut up, or delete her thread.

This is utter nonsense from some quarters.

If you spoke to the transwoman as you’ve spoken to some people here, I’m not surprised you were booted. And shame on those people telling decomposing she can’t post about her illness, when OP has attacked her for the fact she’s on here and told her to ‘get a life’, both are classic silencing tactics also.

Anyway OP, you say the poster was American and people here seem to be assuming this transwoman was nothing at all to do with the group and just appeared.

However, you told her there were english-speaking therapists in Berlin she could speak too, so presumably she actually lived there and presumably she’s new to the country.

Did she actually just ask for help locally to escape domestic abuse and ask a group of local woman for support and advise on this? Rather than the perceived, ‘joined a random community in another country that was completely irrelevant in order to be validated and have a wank’ ?

Because although there is obviously no chance your comments are transphobic from what you’ve said, a lot of the replies here seem to be assuming the latter.

Early this is not AIBU. OP doesn't need to explain herself so that you can tell her whether or not her behaviour is allowed.

Anyway OP, you say the poster was American and people here seem to be assuming this transwoman was nothing at all to do with the group and just appeared.

OP has already said FB highlighted the person as new member to the group when they posted their irrelevant, graphic and triggering comment.

Sorry, sometimes I forget that FWR is a place for back patting only!

But oh no, woman can’t be silenced, except for the ones that don’t agree with you, they must be silenced.

New member doesn’t mean she’s not relevant to the group anyway.

I don't see people piling on to the Litter Tray and saying they don't like dogs, don't want to keep dogs and keeping dogs is wrong.

I don't see people on the Camping board telling people that camping is rubbish.

Trans people are not pets or activities and as a feminist, a mother and a friend and family member of transpeople I am interested in the debate.

It’s ok though, I understand that only those not confident in their stance, fear debate.

Sorry. The litter tray is about cats . I mean the dog house.

I never go on either because I'm not interested in those subjects.

Well, it's a bit like reading the Telegraph and getting annoyed you don't get a socialist point of view.

Earlywalker I assumed because they were speaking English in a German language group they didn't speak German. They were asking specifically for women to "validate" them and basically give them untrained advice. I've no idea if they actually do live in Berlin but the group is for people based in Berlin. So I assumed and there are many English speaking therapists that could help so it wouldn't be difficult to find.

And if they are based in Berlin, there's a wealth of support for women, and also for trans people and people under the LGBTQ+ umbrella in general. A quick search in FB finds hundreds of groups far more appropriate.