Banned from women-only FB group

[maet]

A trans woman edited by MNHQ because OP is using second language posted in a women's only FB group wanting free emotional labour and "validation" from untrained women to help them with getting over their abusive ex boyfriend.

I stated it wasn't appropriate to ask untrained women to take on their emotional labour, especially considering what had happened to them was so traumatic (according to them they ended up in hospital), and especially not for free and suggested they seek professional help instead.

Cue trans woman and women stating I was being transphobic, and "wouldn't understand the fear a marginalised group would go through."

I was told I hadn't been through a traumatic experience before so couldn't possibly understand what the OP was going through.

I've been banned from a group specifically designed for women. Nowhere in the post did I mention anything about the OP being trans.

I am so sick of this shit. The world has gone mad.

How was Decomposers "directly goaded into it"? It's irrelevant to this conversation. It was being used to shut someone down. "Get a life" is a well known phrase when people seem over invested in something.

I'll leave it here.
Clearly some don't get out of the house, and that's fine.
But some don't even live in the real world.
I won't assert my boundaries anymore. I'll drop everything to help complete strangers. I'll keep quiet and let everything be taken away from women and smile whilst it happens.
I'm going to enjoy the sunshine.
Have a good day everyone!

Il drop everything to help complete strangers.

This one out of them point is the one I really hope you consider doing. I would hope we all would.

You too OP. Have a nice glass of wine in the sun. Most people here know what you mean.

Bespin you're late back to the thread and starting another round of arguments that have already been covered several times over.

I definitely have other things to be doing now.

Do you think Bespin

Don't agree. It's the derailers and those shutting down women's assertions around inappropriateness that are trying that. So I guess that would be projection on your part.

So back to the issue, again.

Being a women's tech start up forum, would, I would expect, be for women to discuss tech start up issues and support each other through that process, pretty specifically.

These are an intelligent group of women, existing for women. Boundaries will inevitably be challenged, and it seems exactly this type of group do get targetted.

I would ask for their reason and ask for their rules around policing keeping it to a women only group, on topic. Maybe develop a standard, up front statement for any further contraventions?

This makes it clear that nothing is personal, just that, restating the group aim and mo.

I might have missed it, but did you try to community with them?

The OP asked her on about three different occasions why she didn't have anything better to do than post on MN. So Decomposers told her.

What should she do? Not mention having chemo in case it makes other people feel bad for having been arseholes? I thought the OP hated people being silenced?

*Communicate

Bespin yes, before my family and friends. Before my job. And if anything happens in my personal life... at least I've helped a complete stranger who selfishly put their problems on others, even if I lose everything else. How dare women have boundaries!

Will definitely be having a wine! Enjoy the day all 😊

I'm not really invested in this thread but maybe just maybe a trans woman from America working in Berlin in tech joined a group she had simular interests in, then something heppend in he life far from home and she turned to some of the only few people she had any contact with. but we will not know that as we only have the OP to go on.

"Get a life" is a well known phrase when people seem over invested in something

It is indeed but it's very hypocritical to use it on a thread where the poster saying it has been equally over invested.

The follow up "clearly some don't get out of the house" isn't helping to sustain the OP's notion that she is the reasonable one.

What should she do? Not mention having chemo in case it makes other people feel bad for having been arseholes

Well yeah, because this kind of behaviour is very much about making people feel guilty because they had conflicting views with someone who is so very ill.

Most would not use that in the heat of a debate for exactly that reason, the debate is not about making people feel like they're arseholes. Just a debate.

Personal shouldn't be coming into it.

Why did it? Exactly?

OP, if there need is greater at that time and you have the resources both physically and mentally to help then yes ever time.

What a time to level your severe illness at OP, Decomposing

What response was appropriate to be told several times to get a life, get a hobby and why have I been on the thread all day?

As regards the @ ING repeatedly, many many posters on this board ask that it isn't done.

Funny that the op hadn't done it to any of the regulars who usually give short shrift to any poster who does it.

What should she do? Not mention having chemo in case it makes other people feel bad for having been arseholes? I thought the OP hated people being silenced?

It's irrelevant to the topic under discussion. The OP clearly felt that possibly "triggering" (for want of a better word) descriptions of personal issues weren't appropriate in an unrelated discussion so I'm not sure exactly how you think she's been inconsistent?

What response was appropriate to be told several times to get a life, get a hobby and why have I been on the thread all day?

Just ignore it? Or say "why don't you get a life, you're on here too?"

In court, a month or so ago, the prosecution (acting for himself), as an opener declared that sadly his wife had passed away, and the funeral was only last week.

The judge said I'm sure everyone is very sorry to hear that, do you feel ready to start the case for your prosecution?

He lost btw, based on a series of deviations, untruths, omissions, as his 'story' unravelled.

The judges faces said it all. Guilt trip, not happening here, 'we see you'

Personal shouldn't be coming into it.

Is it not personal to ask why someone doesn't have a life, hobbies or has been on the site for so long?

If you don't want to make it personal then maybe personal attacks shouldn't be made.

As regards the @ ING repeatedly, many many posters on this board ask that it isn't done.

Oh so now you do think it's goady?

I can see that this is heading for one almighty derail so I'm off to join OP (metaphorically) for a glass of wine in the sun.

Happy Sunday all!

Well yeah, because this kind of behaviour is very much about making people feel guilty because they had conflicting views with someone who is so very ill.

It's not at all though is it? Otherwise I would have said it as soon as the op disagreed with me. I've been posting back and forth without trying to make anyone feel guilty.

I answered the op when they asked why I didn't get a life rather than post on here. If she didn't want an answer why ask the question?

like a wheel within a wheel like the circles of your mind. round it goes time to get off I think.

Personal shouldn't be coming into it.

The OP is the one who made it personal by repeatedly asking posters why they didn't have a life or hobbies.

Will definitely be having a wine!

I'll raise a glass to you later, OP!