Banned from women-only FB group

[maet]

A trans woman edited by MNHQ because OP is using second language posted in a women's only FB group wanting free emotional labour and "validation" from untrained women to help them with getting over their abusive ex boyfriend.

I stated it wasn't appropriate to ask untrained women to take on their emotional labour, especially considering what had happened to them was so traumatic (according to them they ended up in hospital), and especially not for free and suggested they seek professional help instead.

Cue trans woman and women stating I was being transphobic, and "wouldn't understand the fear a marginalised group would go through."

I was told I hadn't been through a traumatic experience before so couldn't possibly understand what the OP was going through.

I've been banned from a group specifically designed for women. Nowhere in the post did I mention anything about the OP being trans.

I am so sick of this shit. The world has gone mad.

So the trans woman was a member then?

Tech and graphic details of abuse, and again, wanting women not trained in dealing with this to validate you and be your unpaid therapist is much different.

But the point is that it is up to the person who set up the group to decide what can be discussed.

I'm not saying that I necessarily agree with it. I'm saying that it is a private group and the mods make the rules. They can pick and choose what is allowed. All you can do is decide whether you want to be part of such a group.

You've been on this thread all day. Do you not have anything else to do? We are going around in circles.

Umm, as have as you. I see you are now also trying to police who can post on this group too.

Do you resent women having women only spaces?

No I don't. But nor do I think it's ok what the OP said to someone appealing about abuse.

They may or may not have been genuine but I thought the rule of thumb was that you believe the person when they disclose? If the OP was uncomfortable, had doubts then surely the correct way to deal with this would be to speak to the mods as a PP did when a woman did the same on a group that they belonged to?

The op had any number of reasons for objecting - speaking English when the rules said German only, deviating from the subject of the group, detailing distressing and triggering abuse - she could have raised this with the mods, behind the scenes rather than calling the poster out in public, as she reports in her op.

You have to be accepted as a member to be in a private group but I don't suppose the admins knew what this person was going to post about when they were accepted.

The tw likely kicked up a fuss and the admins got scared of being called transphobic themselves. That's how these things play out.

Yes the trans woman was a new member of the group. I think they posted shortly after being accepted into the group, as FB now has badges saying "new member", "first post", "top fan" etc., and theirs said "new member". They stated they were trans in the post. Their profile picture was of a cartoon - I think anime but I'm not sure. So there's no reason to not add them to the group. My problem was never that a trans person is in the group. My problem is that they made an inappropriate post, and then when people suggested they would get better help elsewhere, they called everyone transphobic. I feel like it's the film "Groundhog Day" I am repeating myself so much.

When checking their profile, they had other pictures in which they had long hair and a beard, and we were make up. But their profile picture was of a cartoon.

*were wearing - sorry.

You can't be serious. Have you never listened to the numerous women on here who have been on sex lines? And how they get call, after call, after call from men who say they have been raped?

I was speaking to a man last week who is a Samaritan. He said exactly the same.

But men do get raped. Why can't they call the Samaritans to talk about it?

@DecomposingComposers I didn't get to decide. A decision was made for me, because the trans woman "kicked up a fuss" and called everyone transphobic. It's easier to appease the trans person by banning the women, than risking being called transphobic yourself and possibly docked. So that's what the admin chose to do.

Animae...of course it was. Theres a thread on here somewhere explaining the significance of that and it's alot more sinister than you might think.

Classic tra. Anime avatars

But men do get raped. Why can't they call the Samaritans to talk about it?

We're not talking about genuine callers, though. As you know. The Samaritans are trained to deal with the fakes.

And if a sex line gets numerous calls from men who say they've been raped, it's because it's a male fantasy. No one phones a sex line for help with genuine abuse.

You and early, who are very fond of telling women what their boundaries should or shouldn't be, appear to be completely and utterly ignorant of male sexual behaviour.

What a surprise.

OP you obviously think you’re right. What are you hoping to get out of posting about it when no one here knows who you are, who the trans person is, what goes on in the Facebook group?

@SarahTancredi not heard about it before. I assumed they chose the picture because they liked it, and also maybe thought they wouldn't be accepted into the group because they looked obviously trans - it that offends some sorry but this person had a beard. I'll take a look at the anime stuff - never heard about it before. Thanks!
But I must reiterate to some that my issue was never a trans woman being in the group but posting something inappropriate, expecting women to do widely inappropriate things for them and then getting people banned from the group because they didn't like the responses and didn't get what they want.

And if a sex line gets numerous calls from men who say they've been raped, it's because it's a male fantasy. No one phones a sex line for help with genuine abuse.

This. We really are on Planet Obtuse.

But men do get raped. Why can't they call the Samaritans to talk about it?

They can. It's when they start wanking whilst talking about their experience that telephone counsellors get concerned...

@Fieldofgreycorn no idea what your post suggests. I was simply venting at 4am. I'm happy to hear different opinions. I'm not going to violate my privacy or the privacy of other posters in the FB group by giving outing details. Please read the entire thread before writing comments that don't add to the discussion.

Decomposing of course men can call the Samaritans to discuss their issues but it's obvious when they are getting a kick out of something, believe me. When I received the calls I mentioned on the helpline it what very clear they were wanking. There was no mistaking it.

maet

Could you please stop @ me? Posters on this board generally ask for that not to be done. I am here, I can see the conversation.

I know you were removed from the group.

What I meant was, if you didn't like the fact that another member was posting something that you considered inappropriate the correct response would have been to speak to the mods about it. Depending on their response you could either decide to stay in the group, accepting their rules, or leave.

You apparently want a group where only tech discussions occur and that appears to be at odds with the admin on this group and what they want so why not set up your own group, where only the subjects that you want are discussed?

It's the only way to have the control over what gets posted about.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3198941-Can-somone-explain-to-me-the-Anime-stuff-and-the-link-to-transmales

Here op

They can. It's when they start wanking whilst talking about their experience that telephone counsellors get concerned...

No one said that they were wanking though. Just that a man from the Samaritans said lots of men phone reporting rape.

Clearly if they are phoning talking about rape fantasies, whilst wanking, that's wrong on every level.

DecomposingComposers apologies. I know you're here. You don't seem to do anything else with your life 😊

I'll go one further and stop talking to you. I follow the rules of the groups. I saw someone posting and, like others, hoped they would find a more appropriate place to ask for help. I wasn't the only one. But given the current climate, and silencing of women, it's obviously easier to ban a woman and not risk being called transphobic yourself.

I hope you'll find a hobby 😊

Thank you SarahTancredi

Decomposing I talked about wanking. It's very well known by people who work on phone services that males will call and wank. I have experienced it myself.

Just noticed MNHQ seem to have deleted a lot of my early posts, so the silencing of women continues.

Repeatedly telling posters to stop posting here and get a life is rude, and ironic given the subject of your post OP.

I kinda think the premise is unfair, its not like we all dnt want to participate in abusive boyfriend threads sometimes, calling it emotion labour is kinda mean... its not like validating someone isnt as valuable experience as being validated... There is an emotional boost you get from being charitable