Banned from women-only FB group

[maet]

A trans woman edited by MNHQ because OP is using second language posted in a women's only FB group wanting free emotional labour and "validation" from untrained women to help them with getting over their abusive ex boyfriend.

I stated it wasn't appropriate to ask untrained women to take on their emotional labour, especially considering what had happened to them was so traumatic (according to them they ended up in hospital), and especially not for free and suggested they seek professional help instead.

Cue trans woman and women stating I was being transphobic, and "wouldn't understand the fear a marginalised group would go through."

I was told I hadn't been through a traumatic experience before so couldn't possibly understand what the OP was going through.

I've been banned from a group specifically designed for women. Nowhere in the post did I mention anything about the OP being trans.

I am so sick of this shit. The world has gone mad.

I didn't know "get off" meant to receive sexual pleasure - a Prince song now makes much more sense to me!

Best bloody comment on the entire thread!

There is nothing sexist about it, that’s just your ‘go to’ when you don’t know how to respond.

I have never heard anyone assume someone was posting about sexual abuse before was doing so for sexual pleasure. This is not something that happens ‘all the time’

This is something that has become acceptable on MN when talking about TW and it’s disgusting.

I’ve said the OPs comments (from her latter post) were obviously not transphobic.

I’m referring to the little snide remarks that are coming out about the TW. It couldn’t possibly be an abuse victim who didn’t know where to turn.

Where did the OP say the TW wasn’t involved in tech? Also I believe the TW in question DID live in berin, since the OP mentioned she could find an English speaking therapist in Berlin.

@DecomposingComposers "It just seems like that group was not suitable for the OP, clearly she has different requirements of the group than it is offering."
It's a group for women in tech. I'm a woman in tech. It was a suitable group for me. It wasn't a suitable group for graphic detailed abuse and asking untrained strangers to provide therapy for them.

I'm still unsure as to why the op can't set up her own group and she then has control over who posts and what they post?

These women set this group to most likely overcome and offer support to other women in tech as it's such a highly male dominated group. And now you are suggesting they instead of dealing with male behaviour they simply do it all over again.

So women leave a space designed for them even thought they are in the right place, doing the right thing. All to appease men. And when another man does the same what then?

But surely the point is that it is entirely up to the people who set up the group to decide who can and cannot post on the group and what they can and cannot post about (in line with community rules set by Facebook I assume).

I've been a member of some groups to do with issues that I am interested in and then I notice more and more posts that are either irrelevant or that annoy me but they are clearly tolerated by other members and the mods so I either unfollow them or mute them and only dip in when I want to ask a question. I wouldn't be trying to police what people posted or who posted on there because it wouldn't be my place to do so

Op, clearly the mods on that group have a different idea of how it should be run than you do. Why not set up your own group and run it how you would like a women in tech group to be run? Maybe there is a call for such a gr

No, that's clearly not the point.

What's becoming so clear is that you are being obtuse, (see above), in deviating repeatedly from the point.

Is this what you do on all your posts?

The only reason it’s happening here is because the person in question is part of a sacred group we can’t discuss in a negative way. Ever.

Which is the exact same reason the word transphobia gets used.

This, to me, was a typical example of male entitlement. Without the word transphobia (related to the sacred caste), what would the comeback have been?

What could the individual in question have complained about?

There is nothing sexist about it, that’s just your ‘go to’ when you don’t know how to respond.

Haha! I'm not sure that's ever happened to me!

I have never heard anyone assume someone was posting about sexual abuse before was doing so for sexual pleasure. This is not something that happens ‘all the time’

You can't be serious. Have you never listened to the numerous women on here who have been on sex lines? And how they get call, after call, after call from men who say they have been raped?

I was speaking to a man last week who is a Samaritan. He said exactly the same.

I can't tell if you're naive or pretending.

It's a group for women in tech. I'm a woman in tech. It was a suitable group for me. It wasn't a suitable group for graphic detailed abuse and asking untrained strangers to provide therapy for them.

But the mods, and other members, have decided that it is ok to widen what is talked about. That's their right to do so.

If I set up a group for cat owners and then someone posted about dogs I could decide to allow that. Because it's my group. Members would then have to decide to go along with it, ignore posts about it or leave. Yes, my attitude might mean that all other members left but that would be my problem. I just don't think you can try to police a closed group. You can make your feelings known to the mods but that's all you can do really.

If they decide that you aren't posting in the spirit of the group they can ban you.

I dare say you would have been banned for telling a natal woman that it was inappropriate to expect women to do their emotional labour for free after they'd posted about the abuse the had suffered.

Earlywalker

I think you might be being quite naïve in asserting this.

MN deleted random users a lot for literally getting off on tragedy/abuse/threatening to kill themselves/posting lies to garner 'emotional labour'/ or simply to worry and upset others.

Having expanded the number of boards I now visit on here I have been surprised at how often this kind of thing goes on.

Emotional vampires and fetishists, especially drawn to women's groups.

Can you keep denying this happens,and that women's groups will be targeted for this? In the same ways children's groups are targeted by paedophiles.

So women leave a space designed for them even thought they are in the right place, doing the right thing. All to appease men. And when another man does the same what then?

Move over for men ffs

About cats and dogs

scraping the barrel

Decomposing I've NC as this is identifying. I've discussed it with many people before.

I volunteered on a helpline. There was a very regular male caller who liked to dress in women's clothes and would call to talk about how awful life was etc because of this. This was a long time ago. This person would now be referred to as a transwoman.

Except it was clear that this caller was wanking whilst on the phone. This kind of thing is known to happen regularly on helplines.

I don't believe OP's case is necessarily similar but you are very naive about what goes on in the real world.

Funny how many things women will have to start over with in the coming years after being destroyed by the demands of men.

Sports, refuges, scholarships, support groups, girl guides, business spaces...the list goes on and on.

@DecomposingComposers well, cats and dogs are both pets.

Tech and graphic details of abuse, and again, wanting women not trained in dealing with this to validate you and be your unpaid therapist is much different.

You've been on this thread all day. Do you not have anything else to do? We are going around in circles.

I'm watching an interesting documentary on Netflix about the First Nations in America. I recommend it for lazy Sunday watching!

Decomposing you are just searching for anything to deny what's being said here.

Why?

I thought the trans part only became an issue when the OP's response was deemed transphobic, all because she suggested a more appropriate form of help to deal with the poster's trauma?

OP out of curiosity have you contacted the Mods to ask for an explanation?
From what you said the poster started breaking the rules by posting in English and off topic (which on most forums/boards I frequent gets messages deleted straight away).
Surely they owe you an actual reason for banning you?

Do you resent women having women only spaces?

Do you think it's a good way to go on acting like a troll?(as has potentially the interloper on the OP tech forum?).

Why deny this as a possibility? Just why? It makes no sense, as we've all seen it happen.

@DecomposingComposers and also, in the 2 years I've been in this group, a "natal" woman has never posted something like this. They know the rules of the group, and what's appropriate to post and what's not. So I can't say for sure I'd have been banned if a "natal" (I suppose it's better than "cis") woman, as it's never (and would never) happened.

Decomposing ^

These women set this group

Who are these women? Whoever set the group up has decided that it is ok for the trans woman to post. That is their right. They can set whatever rules they want.

If the OP wants to set rules or police posts or control what can can't be talked about the only answer is to set up her own group. Then she can control it.

You can't join someone else's group and then proceed to tell them how to run it can you?

I would have thought that offering an alternative means of therapy/help would be met with gratitude. If it's being met with annoyance, to me, that would be a dead giveaway.

I think.its clear y no one said anything. Because you say no to men and they get angry and abusive.

Doesnt mean anyone actually thought it was ok. They just dont need this shit

@Yamayo I have no way of contacting the admins, as I've been removed from the group so can't see them. I've been contacted by another woman who "liked" my comment, she was also removed. Not sure if others have been.

@DecomposingComposers anyone who's a member can post. Posts don't need to be approved because usually everyone sticks to the rules. I wasn't the only person who said it wasn't an appropriate forum. I wasn't the only person who was called transphobic. I know now of one other woman who was removed from the group alongside me, not sure if others were.

Anyway I really do recommend this documentary. Or going outside and getting fresh air! 😊