Banned from women-only FB group

[maet]

A trans woman edited by MNHQ because OP is using second language posted in a women's only FB group wanting free emotional labour and "validation" from untrained women to help them with getting over their abusive ex boyfriend.

I stated it wasn't appropriate to ask untrained women to take on their emotional labour, especially considering what had happened to them was so traumatic (according to them they ended up in hospital), and especially not for free and suggested they seek professional help instead.

Cue trans woman and women stating I was being transphobic, and "wouldn't understand the fear a marginalised group would go through."

I was told I hadn't been through a traumatic experience before so couldn't possibly understand what the OP was going through.

I've been banned from a group specifically designed for women. Nowhere in the post did I mention anything about the OP being trans.

I am so sick of this shit. The world has gone mad.

It would help if people posting went and RTFT properly. The whataboutery about things already covered is so tedious.

Also I believe AGP applies to straight males, the transwoman in question had a boyfriend - are you sure that you know much about AGP

The acquisition of a boyfriend, whether real or imaginary is also part of AGP.

I don't think this is about AGP and the OP didn't say it was. It's about validation and narcissism.

I completely agree. It may not be. Although I don't think the OP knows what AGP is. So may not recognise it.

It was the description of the abuse being 'graphic' that set me thinking.

And the fact that the OP was clearly triggered themself, because of their own experience. Women tend to read the room a little better than the transwoman in question.

Yes actually, I do take all domestic abuse victims at face value.

Imagine if a men’s rights group said a transman posted about her boyfriend beating her up and they all said ‘probably getting a kick sexually from telling us’

I didn’t think this debate could sink any lower.

If I was struggling with bereavement in the extreme, would I choose the technical stuff section of MN, or the pet section, or perhaps something actually appropriate.

Would I blart out graphic details that could be very upsetting to other readers? Of a gruesome death is witnessed*

All these things are very easy to see! Not difficult at all to grasp.

What I'm struggling with is why some are having such difficulty grasping this.

^ all of this.

It’s funny the very posters questioning the authenticity of the female OP here, are totally prepared to take everything this unknown male says at face value

The OP was here to engage with, the transwoman wasn't.

That doesn't mean people are taking the transwoman at face value. Just that trying to speak to them here would be fairly futile.

Transmen arent doing this though.

Funny that isnt it.

Imagine if a men’s rights group said a transman posted about her boyfriend beating her up and they all said ‘probably getting a kick sexually from telling us’

Women don't get AGP.

And good for you, early, believing a man who is not even here, over a woman who is actually talking to you.

Earlywalker seriously? You honestly think a trans man would join a professional tech discussion group for men or for any sex and start posting about domestic abuse? Lol. You are being ridiculous.

Imagine if a men’s rights group said a transman posted about her boyfriend beating her up and they all said ‘probably getting a kick sexually from telling us’

What if that hypothetical transman had chosen a foreign language group about plumbing and electrics to do it? That wouldn't strike you as odd behaviour?

Context is everything.

I didn’t think this debate could sink any lower.

I find your contributions on these boards to be pretty low too. You constantly gaslight and use emotional manipulative language to make women feel bad for risk assessing male behaviours, all while you never once take anything a woman says at face value. Always questioning and disbelieving, yet you’re here to make very strong accusations against others here for doing just that in a situation most people would read as strange and suspicious at the very least. So seriously, that you consider this debate ‘low’ means literally, using the word correctly, nothing to me. Meaningless.

it never happens

Women do it too

Exclusionary women

Be nice

DARVO

They cant help it..

I call bingo

it’s funny the very posters questioning the authenticity of the female OP here, are totally prepared to take everything this unknown male says at face value

Isn't it just.

It’s funny the very posters questioning the authenticity of the female OP here, are totally prepared to take everything this unknown male says at face value

Thats funny...its exactly what i was thinking

maet

Sorry this happened to you

That doesn't mean people are taking the transwoman at face value.

Except that’s actually exactly what was said here. Again, it would be helpful if everyone who wants to comment RTFT.

The transwoman is not here to discuss, so yes I’ll take her at face value.

The OP that was here, said things that didn’t add up.

6 odd years ago I posted on mumsnet about an abusive situation, he found it. Who knows where I’d post it I found myself in that desperate situation again. There are no ‘safe spaces’ in life, only allusions of ones and when it comes to trying to escape abuse, you’re rarely thinking rationally.

I just can’t believe that you’re discussing someone that you know nothing about in this way. Making an assumption because they asked for help about domestic abuse.

Yes I do find that disgusting.

Who knows where I’d post it I found myself in that desperate situation again.

Do you mean to tell us that you might indeed post on a French forum for darts players? Really?

Yes cos when your abusive boyfriend looks for forums which you have posted on it's not going to look suspicious at all that its about something you have no involvement in?

If you are going to go to the trouble of keeping stuff secret surely it at least has to be believable for your cover story to work?

You know. Dont pretend other wise.

Earlywalker you are just projecting and not thinking rationally here. I don't mean to be offensive but that's the truth of it.

I have RTFT and as one of the posters who thought the OP's update on what she has actually posted on the group was, at the very least, unfortunate I resent the implication that I was behaving in a manner that was sexist or agenda pushing.

Maybe you should RTFT Jessica?

You make horrible assumptions and accusations about people all the time Early. You’re such a hypocrite.

I just can’t believe that you’re discussing someone that you know nothing about in this way. Making an assumption because they asked for help about domestic abuse.

And there is your sexism. We are supporting a woman who was kicked off a Facebook group for daring to stand up to an entitled individual, who may or may not have been trolling.

No one here has the smallest clue who this individual is. Including you. None of it can be disgusting, because this is a hypothetical person to everyone apart from the OP.

And yet still you take their side.

Your bias is overwhelming.

Your bias is overwhelming

Yes it is. People discuss other people unknown to them online all the time, it’s probably the number 1 thing people do online. To pick it out here is so ludicrous. It’s beyond silly to take issue with that point. The only reason it’s happening here is because the person in question is part of a sacred group we can’t discuss in a negative way. Ever.

Apologies for missing that the OP said the poster had posted in English.

I'm not seeing though why this is centering only on the poster being a trans woman. The OP says herself that her response would have been the same had a natal woman posted it.

I don't think her response would have been appropriate whoever she said it to.

It just seems like that group was not suitable for the OP, clearly she has different requirements of the group than it is offering.

Obviously the mods and other members are happy to provide this support to a trans woman. The OP is not so the only answer is to ignore it or leave surely?

I'm still unsure as to why the op can't set up her own group and she then has control over who posts and what they post?