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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Why can’t transgender lesbians just date each other?

529 replies

Hithere12 · 17/06/2019 01:41

I keep seeing online transgender women so angry a female lesbian doesn’t want to date someone trans, but it begs the question why can’t they just date each other?

If they genuinely believe a trans woman is without question a woman and they are attracted to women then surely this would solve all their problems in terms of finding a partner? They could just date each other? Unless they don’t want to date trans women because they don’t see trans women as real women? Hmm Confused

OP posts:
Michelleoftheresistance · 17/06/2019 16:52

I did see recently in a piece of TRA rhetoric that women (the old fashioned, saggy titted kind) have no business calling themselves homosexual if they haven't even tried giving penis bearers a go first. Confused

As if it's something you're only allowed to do if you've proved fully first that you don't work properly for penises. Call me whatever names you like, I believe there are plenty for male excluding lesbians these days, but I knew by the age of 11 I had no interest in boys and lots in girls, and thankfully was brought up to believe you just went with your instincts instead of having to follow a rule book of 'you must try to do it properly with a male first, even if you're not remotely interested or attracted and you know perfectly well you're attracted to females'.

Yay little lesbian. Start your sex life with a really lousy forced experience due to guilt and a lot of homophobia, because as a society we'd never instruct a heterosexual boy that he has to get it on with another boy before his preferences for girls is acceptable.

BatShite · 17/06/2019 17:00

I did see recently in a piece of TRA rhetoric that women (the old fashioned, saggy titted kind) have no business calling themselves homosexual if they haven't even tried giving penis bearers a go first.

Now just imagine that being used for any other sex/sexuality

Gay men are not truly gay if they have not muffdived
Straight men cannot call themselves straight if they haven't gave a blowjob
Straight women are not straight if they haven't shagged a woman.

Its just ridiculous. Yet common among TRAs and their supporters Hmm

OhHolyJesus · 17/06/2019 17:20

Interesting

Our results indicated that 87.5% of the participants who were asked this very question only checked off the cisgender options and excluded transgender and non-binary individuals from their hypothetical dating pool.

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/inclusive-insight/201906/why-are-so-few-people-willing-date-transgender-person

VickyEadie · 17/06/2019 17:27

I am a lesbian and I don’t know many other lesbians, let alone trans lesbians (who I wholeheartedly believe are women and would be open to dating).

Really? Lesbian here. If you're willing to sleep with someone who has a penis, it makes you bisexual.

That's because lesbians are only attracted to women, ie those who do not have and have never had penises.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 17/06/2019 17:32

My mother is a lesbian. Obviously she had sex at some point with my dad or I wouldn't be posting. But since she and he divorced she's only ever referred to herself as a lesbian not bisexual.

I hear a lot of people saying they don't want to have sex with anyone with a penis...fair enough, but what about a male to female trans person who has had all the surgery? They don't have a penis either?

IM0GEN · 17/06/2019 17:37

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Goosefoot · 17/06/2019 17:53

Well they shouldn’t confused are you a trans person advocating for women to have sex with someone they aren’t attracted to

I think people should have sex with who they want to, as long as there isn't some reason that it's immoral or something.

If people want to have sex with a person without being attracted to them, that's up to them. It's not up to me to tell people what they right reasons to have sex are so long as they aren't being forced to do it or its somehow very mentally unhealthy. My own husband is becoming something of cranky old fat man, I've not any plans to refuse to have sex with him because that doesn't appeal to me. There are a variety of reasons we can make a decision to do most things without it being a bad decision.

And no, I'm not trans. People who think differently than you don't necessarily have some kind of personal agenda.

Beautiful3 · 17/06/2019 17:56

What does it have to do with you? If people want to do that then they will do it. If they don't want to, then they won't.

Hithere12 · 17/06/2019 18:00

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ThePurported · 17/06/2019 18:09

I keep seeing online transgender women so angry a female lesbian doesn’t want to date someone trans, but it begs the question why can’t they just date each other?

It's a very small dating pool unless they can persuade lots of lesbians to 'cope' with male bodies and start dating males who present as women.
The anger and sense of entitlement comes from the fact that everyone from government institutions to AWAs and some well-meaning people keep telling them that yes of course they are women. It's a conflict between expectations and reality.

Michelleoftheresistance · 17/06/2019 18:17

Again, this is not about personal choice - it's about pressure on homosexual women, as a group, to 'overcome' their homosexuality to provide men with sex if those men choose to identify as a woman, and they may not exclude males from their sex life. (Which comes with threats and menaces and shaming and exclusion, have you seen the banners at one Pride of women being hanged? The women removed from Prides for stating their boundaries?)

While providing a get out clause that those men may exclude males from their sex life, because Reasons. But not women.

There's no way to make this ok. There really isn't. This isn't a 'be kind' issue. This isn't a 'it doesn't affect you' issue. This isn't an 'it's just personal choice/shut up' issue. If you seriously can't see what's wrong here then I can't help you.

DarkAtEndOfTunnel · 17/06/2019 18:19

The anger and sense of entitlement comes from the fact that everyone from government institutions to AWAs and some well-meaning people keep telling them that yes of course they are women

...and also that men have a right to sex. Which kind of impinges on women's rights to say no directly.

Goosefoot · 17/06/2019 18:51

I think the right to have sex idea is something that's been a cultural undercurrent for a long time, and a lot of people accept it without thinking much about it. I suspect that it's not even that self-aware, I think they accept it without being aware that it is a factor in their thinking.
I know when I was a kid at school, I have a definite sense that all people should be able to have sex, that it was almost necessary to be a healthy functioning adult and not being sexually active was likely because you were somehow oppressed.

If people really deep down believe that, it follows that they will likely accept a lot of other things that could be rather unsavoury. Legal prostitution being an obvious one, but all kinds of other things fall in that hole.

Original poster
Hithere12 · 17/06/2019 18:55

There's no way to make this ok. There really isn't. This isn't a 'be kind' issue. This isn't a 'it doesn't affect you' issue. This isn't an 'it's just personal choice/shut up' issue. If you seriously can't see what's wrong here then I can't help you

Exactly. These progressive people don’t care because it doesn’t effect them directly.

It’s the exact same thing as when trans women keep winning all the medals/titles in sports. They want to appear like such “good people” to trans women but the reality is that because it doesn’t effect them, because they aren’t competing in sports they don’t care about the cheating and women losing out, they just want to virtue signal and seem like good people.

OP posts:
Outofinspiration · 17/06/2019 19:03

but it comes across as a bit offensive to make a blanket statement about 'I wouldn't date anyone with the characteristic xxx' because you don't really know everyone so you surely can't be certain.

What the fuck do you think 'sexual orientation' even means?!!! Is saying you are gay/straight whatever 'offensive' now?

Michelleoftheresistance · 17/06/2019 19:22

'I wouldn't date anyone with the characteristic xxx' because you don't really know everyone so you surely can't be certain.

Also known as the 'you're not lesbian, you just haven't been fucked by the right man yet'.

I was hearing that one thirty years ago when I first came out. Just as well women are bred to be resilient or I'd be sobbing on PC Gull's shoulder by now.

Ereshkigal · 17/06/2019 19:22

Our results indicated that 87.5% of the participants who were asked this very question only checked off the cisgender options and excluded transgender and non-binary individuals from their hypothetical dating pool.

Yes I think only 9% lesbians were willing to date a trans or non binary person of the opposite sex. So the woke ones are mostly fibbing.

FeministCat · 17/06/2019 19:32

Again, even with SRS though, 'transbians' get a pass as..they may find it triggering to sleep with a male person. Women who have been raped apparently get a temporary pass, but they should work through their 'issues' as quickly as possible else they are just transphobes too

There was a female poster on reddit who described her experience of being raped by a trans woman. She posted in a transgender sub originally, but someone in GC made a post about it because of the reactions in the original thread. This woman was clearly upset in her OP as she was dealing with friends not supporting her from this vile persons abuse and gaslighting, and considering her transphobic; she posted to talk about having a having a hard time “respecting” her abuser and rapist’s pronouns. The comments in the original thread to this woman were vile: she was attacked for not respecting her rapists pronouns, accused of making up the rape, told that rape victims can get over their rapes but a trans woman has to deal with issues around being a trans women forever, etc. It was horrific.

FeministCat · 17/06/2019 19:43

but it comes across as a bit offensive to make a blanket statement about 'I wouldn't date anyone with the characteristic xxx'

Bollocks. I am not a lesbian, but I am straight. I won’t date someone with a vagina.

I also won’t date a man who “identifies” as a woman, whether he has has SRS (which these days may not even include bottom surgery) or not.

If anyone is offended by this, then I don’t care. I am straight. I am not interested in woman. I am a healthy adult who is also not interested in men who think they can be woman (whether it is gender dysorphia, or AGP, or whatever else). It is my life, my time, my body and I can choose who I share any of that with.

FeministCat · 17/06/2019 19:49

I hear a lot of people saying they don't want to have sex with anyone with a penis...fair enough, but what about a male to female trans person who has had all the surgery? They don't have a penis either?

A woman is not just a “person without a penis” or a “not man”. A woman who gets a phalloplasty using skin from her arm does not become a “not woman” or a man.

A man who loses his penis in an accident, or by choice of surgery, does not suddenly become a “not man” and definitely does not become a woman. A man who gets a neo vagina out of inverting his penis and grafting colon tissue, peritoneal tissue, or tilapia, or whatever else they are doing these days, also does not become a “not man” and definitely does not become a woman.

LexMitior · 17/06/2019 19:56

I feel a lot of sympathy with lesbians who have pressure to sleep with “transbians”.

I am bisexual. But I don’t find the prospect of the transbian alluring either. Men and women are so different in their sexual expression and bodies. That is the wonder of it. If you are bisexual, you are happy with the difference. You like and love both things.

What I don’t want is a someone who has physical attributes of both sexes. That isn’t sexy to me. And the view of sex is really reductive of men and women. There is real pleasure in man as man, woman as woman, happy in their bodies.

Trans women or men? No. They don’t seem comfortable - and consequently unattractive.

joystir59 · 17/06/2019 20:10

Let's be careful about language here please. Not happy about 'transgender lesbian' or 'transbian'. Don't misappropriate my definition or play with it. Lesbianism is literally erased by Trans ideology. There is one word and it is 'lesbian' and it means one thing: a biological female who is sexually attracted to other biogical females. There is nothing else.

Original poster
Hithere12 · 17/06/2019 20:13

There’s a really good YouTubers called Arielle Scarcella who is a lesbian who talks about the abuse she gets for not dating trans women. The comments on those videos are so abusive and aggressive.

OP posts:
joystir59 · 17/06/2019 20:13

And I am sorry about my earlier comment where I said lesbians sometimes have sex with men. This comment muddies the water and the experience would indicate that the person is questioning their sexuality and could be bisexual or heterosexual.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 17/06/2019 20:16

@IM0GEN no of course I'm not...stop putting words in my mouth. I was just curious about it because the way previous posts had been worded it seemed that the presence of a penis was the main 'issue', so I wondered whether removal of the penis removed that 'I issue'.

Obviously nobody should have sex with anyone they don't want to. And nobody should ever be bullied for their sexual preferences.