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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

make up and 6yo DD - what to do?

333 replies

resisterpersister · 27/05/2019 11:25

Please help me deal with this situation!

DD's cousins came to visit yesterday, and gave 6yo DD a make up set. The cousins rarely visit and I didn't feel up to souring the visit by rejecting the gift in front of them. So she spent yesterday with her cousins, covering themselves with make up. She bloody loves it. First thing she did this morning? Put more make up on.

Lots of DD's classmates are allowed to play with make up, but she knows I won't buy it for her. I don't wear it myself. I talk to her in an age appropriate way about why I don't like make up and don't wear it.

If it was up to me, this would never have come in the house! But it's here now. I could just take it away, but I'm worried that'll make it into a huge thing, I'm not sure if that'll achieve anything other than make her want it more and feel she's been treated unjustly (and, oh, do I remember the times I felt my parents were being unjust to me!)

I suppose I could let her play with it for a few days till she forgets about it and then quietly "lose" it. (Is that cowardly?)

I could impose boundaries around it (what?). She's already said she wants to wear it to school every day and I've said errr... no!

We've been talking a bit about why adults wear make up, and I've told her about how if you wear make up every day, it's a bit like it casts a spell on you and you feel you can't go outside without wearing it, and we talked about how much of a pain that would be if her friend came round to ask her to play, but she missed out because she couldn't just leave the house.

What do I do, oh wise FWR women? I want to just throw the bloody thing away, but I'm worried about creating a bigger deal out of it and making it an even greater object of desire!

The age on the box say 5+ Angry. Who makes this stuff FFS?

OP posts:
Drogosnextwife · 28/05/2019 16:53

It's possible to understand that make up is damaging to women,

Can you explain how make up has damaged me?

bettybeans · 28/05/2019 16:55

resister you do realise it's perfectly possible to acknowledge and recognise the dangers of the beauty industry and still not reject it in its entirety? I recognise the dangers of the alcohol industry and still drink. I recognise the problems with media yet I still read and engage, and I recognise the specific dangers of social media yet still use it.

Drogosnextwife · 28/05/2019 16:55

I was interested in this until you compared wearing make up with racism.

Agree, I couldn't quite believe that comment.

Original poster
resisterpersister · 28/05/2019 16:58

bettybeans yes, I agree 100%. Hence my point about how we all make imperfect decisions.

OP posts:
Kilbranan · 28/05/2019 16:58

I agree with you OP there is no reason in the world why a 6yr old girl should have make up, and if it was my dd I would bin it.

As another poster pointed out make up on women is supposed to replicate sexual arousal. It’s completely wrong for children to be exposed to this, even if they don’t understand what it represents

sleepismysuperpower1 · 28/05/2019 16:59

that they sometimes make imperfect choices

everyone makes imperfect choices. its what makes us human, and nobody is suggesting they dont

bettybeans · 28/05/2019 17:01

Perfection is subjective. People mostly just do the best they can.

It's almost like we're all very different people with only a few very specific things in common, I guess.

Original poster
resisterpersister · 28/05/2019 17:03

I was interested in this until you compared wearing make up with racism

No? I compared sexist stereotypes with racist stereotypes.

Do you recognise that sexism, on a macro level, kills millions of girls and women?

If not, I guess you are new to feminism. Pull up a chair, where shall we start...

OP posts:
Justhadathought · 28/05/2019 17:07

Failing to recognise the beauty industry exploits and harms women doesn't make it not so

Since you work in marketing you must know all about that.
And so do we; but most of us think you are making this issue into something far more toxic than it should be, or is.There are far more important issues than make-up.

Your daughter is six. Does she have long hair - or do you insist on it being short? Do you forbid pretty dresses too? Or flowery clips and bows? Does she have dolls? Or do you insisting on gender neutral for everything?

What about you? Do you eschew all feminine or gendered clothing and hair styles. Do you wax your legs or your eye brows; shave your arm pits? What role model do you set for your daughter when it comes to hair, clothing and personal grooming? I think at the end of the day you as a role model is the most important one. It is the one that will shape her values most.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 28/05/2019 17:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Justhadathought · 28/05/2019 17:11

I guess you are new to feminism. Pull up a chair, where shall we start..

How patronising. It is you that sounds new to feminism. There are far more pressing issues than make-up. Most of us dealt with that issue, and then made our own decisions and minds up many, many years ago.

Christmastree43 · 28/05/2019 17:12

I don’t have time to write a full length reply but just wanted to say I whole heartedly agree with you OP on the insidious damage makeup, makeup culture and advertising does to women (our self esteem, distorted self image, time and cost burden etc), leaving men simultaneously untouched.

There are some upsettingly naive people on this thread who it doesn’t seem to me have probably thought much about feminism and the beauty myth etc. Or they are the lucky ones who have never felt burdened by having to be ‘pretty’ or felt not good enough next to Instagram stars/ photoshopped models/ the beautiful girl at school etc

I don’t have kids yet but dread having to deal with all this if I had girls.

Usuallyinthemiddle · 28/05/2019 17:12

Yes, as a 41 year old woman with a very successful business whose husband is a stay at home dad. I'm entirely new to feminism.
As I said, you weren't interested in opinion, just in parroting your own. Keep your chair, thanks.

sleepismysuperpower1 · 28/05/2019 17:14

I guess you are new to feminism. Pull up a chair, where shall we start..
That is incredibly patronizing.

Justhadathought · 28/05/2019 17:18

Please point to any sneering?

You do it continually - but seem to have zero self awareness. I hate being rude, but your self righteous attitude stinks. Don't create threads and ask for views or advice, when what you really want to do is vent, and insult people who have posted in good faith.

LolaSmiles · 28/05/2019 17:22

There are some upsettingly naive people on this thread who it doesn’t seem to me have probably thought much about feminism and the beauty myth etc.
Or they have and they've come to a different conclusion about what they wish to do.
I don't wear much make up. I have huge concerns about the pressures of advertising and sexualisation of clothing from preteen upwards. I dont think what some shops sell as party wear for 11 year olds is appropriate for a child and I certainly don't think it's empowering in any way.

However, sometimes I wear a bit of make up. DH trims his facial hair so he looks neat and presentable. Some women I know are beauty product queens and that's not for me. Some men I know wear more products than me.
As feminism goes, I can't be bothered by women who wear a bit of makeup.

YouJustDoYou · 28/05/2019 17:33

My 4 year old absolutely loves the bloody stuff. We just tell her it's face paint. She just loves the colours, and mostly puts it on her dolls now.

Justhadathought · 28/05/2019 17:36

Feminism started long before Naomi Wolf and the Beauty Myth.
Try reading some Simone De Beauvoir; Andrea Dworkin; Germaine Greer.

LassOfFyvie · 28/05/2019 17:41

As another poster pointed out make up on women is supposed to replicate sexual arousal

Oh this old chestnut. How on earth is foundation worn to even out an uneven skin tone / conceal acne scars/ conceal red skin replicating sexual arousal. What tosh.

Drogosnextwife · 28/05/2019 17:42

If not, I guess you are new to feminism. Pull up a chair, where shall we start.

😂Nice.

Are you knew to feminism OP, it seems you have just created a thread to force your opinion down peoples throat and if they don't agree then they are clearly oppressed little women, yes?

LassOfFyvie · 28/05/2019 17:44

Drogo you don't think being a pirate might be somewhat more fun than being a princess?

Considering they were theifs and murders, I can't see how it would be more fun or aspirational, no

Pirates still are thieves and murderers, with a bit of racketeering, kidnapping and trafficking thrown in.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 28/05/2019 17:50

Isn't part of being a feminist about freedom of choice? I wear make up because it makes me feel fabulous; I'm certainly not reliant on it and can leave the house without it. I don't feel like I've been brain washed either.

Drogosnextwife · 28/05/2019 17:52

Pirates still are thieves and murderers, with a bit of racketeering, kidnapping and trafficking thrown in.

You're right, my mistake. I should have said are, not were.

Usuallyinthemiddle · 28/05/2019 17:52

It's this repetitive, obtuse, dogged drum banging that turns people off feminism.
It should be about choice. Having choice. What OP is advocating is removing choice unless it's her choice. That's not better.
Listening, supporting, hearing other ideas, recognising that your battles are different to other people's battles. Many of us have fought battles for equality in our own ways and without behaving like a patronising harpie on a chat forum.

LassOfFyvie · 28/05/2019 17:59

You're right, my mistake. I should have said are, not were

To be clear- no slight was intended by the correction. Sorry if it read that way.