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Original poster

make up and 6yo DD - what to do?

333 replies

resisterpersister · 27/05/2019 11:25

Please help me deal with this situation!

DD's cousins came to visit yesterday, and gave 6yo DD a make up set. The cousins rarely visit and I didn't feel up to souring the visit by rejecting the gift in front of them. So she spent yesterday with her cousins, covering themselves with make up. She bloody loves it. First thing she did this morning? Put more make up on.

Lots of DD's classmates are allowed to play with make up, but she knows I won't buy it for her. I don't wear it myself. I talk to her in an age appropriate way about why I don't like make up and don't wear it.

If it was up to me, this would never have come in the house! But it's here now. I could just take it away, but I'm worried that'll make it into a huge thing, I'm not sure if that'll achieve anything other than make her want it more and feel she's been treated unjustly (and, oh, do I remember the times I felt my parents were being unjust to me!)

I suppose I could let her play with it for a few days till she forgets about it and then quietly "lose" it. (Is that cowardly?)

I could impose boundaries around it (what?). She's already said she wants to wear it to school every day and I've said errr... no!

We've been talking a bit about why adults wear make up, and I've told her about how if you wear make up every day, it's a bit like it casts a spell on you and you feel you can't go outside without wearing it, and we talked about how much of a pain that would be if her friend came round to ask her to play, but she missed out because she couldn't just leave the house.

What do I do, oh wise FWR women? I want to just throw the bloody thing away, but I'm worried about creating a bigger deal out of it and making it an even greater object of desire!

The age on the box say 5+ Angry. Who makes this stuff FFS?

OP posts:
IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 28/05/2019 16:05

Tired of making the same comments.

Do people really see black or green lipstick as a norm, and is it somehow better than wearing normal coloured lipstick? I think you're quite spectacularly missing the point.

Anyone who honestly believes men, MOST MEN, are pressured into wearing make up, in anything like the numbers of women, is going around with their eyes closed or does not want to face up to the fact that we are all being manipulated every day.

Drogosnextwife · 28/05/2019 16:05

Even if there are aspirational qualities in SOME princesses, why do boys get to be pirates,

OK before I read the rest, there is really nothing aspirational about pirates Hmm.

Drogosnextwife · 28/05/2019 16:05

Oh and I didn't ask you a question about green lipstick or purple foundation.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 28/05/2019 16:06

I remember one particular class where the boys all wanted to be footballers/YouTuber(most of them with not a chance in hell) and the girls wanted to be teachers,doctors,vets, marine biologist,president (Grin) etc. Even the girls with a particular skill like gymnastics,singing,dancing had a "backup" career. It was amazing to see.

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 28/05/2019 16:06

never I wear make up sometimes and sometimes not.

I am not sneering at that.

But I do take issue with the fact that people are so blind that they really think they're making a free choice.

It depresses me and makes me realise how blinkered most of us are. Me too, on many issues.

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 28/05/2019 16:06

drogo you don't think being a pirate might be somewhat more fun than being a princess?

Anyway, done with you, you're being rather silly, I think.

nevernotstruggling · 28/05/2019 16:07

Also I think kids make up is very small fry compared to the attack on women by tras

sleepismysuperpower1 · 28/05/2019 16:07

Even if there are aspirational qualities in SOME princesses, why do boys get to be pirates, ironman, scientists, frogs blah blah blah and girls get to be princesses

maybe this is the case where you are OP, but at Halloween my dds nursery threw a party and girls were there as cowboys, dogs, cats, spiderman etc. There was a few princesses there but the majority of girls were something else.

It is not a coincidence that only women wear make up regularly

again, maybe where you are from. where I am, its common to see men wearing makeup. you are just proving that you live in a bubble.

sleepismysuperpower1 · 28/05/2019 16:09

Do people really see black or green lipstick as a norm, and is it somehow better than wearing normal coloured lipstick? I think you're quite spectacularly missing the point.

Yep. There are other places in the world than where you are, and I see loads of people in my area with dark coloured lipstick, or reds, or oranges. It's fantastic.

Drogosnextwife · 28/05/2019 16:11

They were Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Elsa. They don't like Elsa because of her powers. They like her because she has blonde hair and sings a song. Do you honestly, really, in your heart of hearts believe that to be empowering for little girls?

I don't think you have been reading what I have been saying. Just desperate to pounce.

NellieEllie · 28/05/2019 16:12

Personally, I’d just take it away and bin it - when she is not around. If she asks Id say that it has chemicals in that can be harmful. I don’t think a 6 yr old would understand the subtle conditioning of girls into being concerned about appearance, so for that reason I wouldn’t give an explanation.
For me, girls have huge pressures on them to conform to a particular idea of feminine “beauty”, which is played out again and again on social media with endless selfies and messages of approval. No wonder the increase in anorexia and mental health issues. I didn’t want my daughter to even think about her appearance or being pretty as a little girl. Yes, I expect as a teenager, she will be interested, but by then Im hoping she will be robust enough to see it for what it is.

SkaterGrrrrl · 28/05/2019 16:12

I have only read the first post but you are not being unreasonable.

You know what makeup is for? It's to mimic sexual arousal, which is why we paint our lips and cheeks red and try to emphasise our eyes to make them look bigger ( like dilated pupils).

No way should a 6 year old be wearing make up.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 28/05/2019 16:12

Also I think kids make up is very small fry compared to the attack on women by tras

This would be true if they weren't using stereotypes,including makeup to not only validate their feelz but trying to trans young children.

Young Jimmy has an interest in makeup and dresses? SHe's obviously a girl you bigot!!
Young Mary likes tracksuit bottoms and climbing trees, but find makeover parties boring and refuses to squeal with glee? He's obviously a boy!!

Drogosnextwife · 28/05/2019 16:13

I wear make up sometimes and sometimes not.

I presume you will be stopping from this moment on then?

Drogosnextwife · 28/05/2019 16:15

drogo you don't think being a pirate might be somewhat more fun than being a princess?

Considering they were theifs and murders, I can't see how it would be more fun or aspirational, no.

Drogosnextwife · 28/05/2019 16:16

Anyway, done with you, you're being rather silly, I think.

Hmm OK then.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 28/05/2019 16:18

Considering they were theifs and murders

But that's not how they're portrayed are they? They are cool,adventurous,brave,strong and smart. More often than not they're the "goodies", and even when they're not at least one of them will have a change of heart and become a hero.

nevernotstruggling · 28/05/2019 16:20

@YourSarcasmIsDripping I see your point actually.

Original poster
resisterpersister · 28/05/2019 16:26

"I think make up is damaging (mentally, physically and socially). I really hope my DD doesn't feel the need to wear it as an adult."

....

I find that quite offensive.

That's interesting. What offends you exactly?

OP posts:
bettybeans · 28/05/2019 16:35

Umm, I didn't say men were pressured in the same way, I simply pointed out that a number of men do wear make up because it hadn't really been mentioned. There are dedicated male male up brands. Take a walk down the main pub/club strip of any big town or city and you'll see it for yourself. The metrosexual male is a thing.

I don't agree in forcing girls to reject all forms of femininity as bad, just as I don't agree with forcing girls to reject anything masculine. Kids don't exist in a bubble and this is the life and culture we have to navigate, so I think the best we can do is encourage them to think critically about the pressures put upon them and make good decisions that work best for them.

Some days I like make up, just as some days I like earrings, other days I barely brush my hair and live in jeans and trainers. These are the choices I make. The choices I feel free to make.

Usuallyinthemiddle · 28/05/2019 16:35

I was interested in this until you compared wearing make up with racism.
You'll do what you want to. I'm not sure you care about anyone else's opinion!

nevernotstruggling · 28/05/2019 16:44

@resisterpersister because taking steps to ensure your child is a child and not a mini adult is one thing but hoping to control them as an adult by sneering at other women is quite shit really

titchy · 28/05/2019 16:45

i said what princesses have in common with each other is being pretty and marrying a prince.

And the thing that princes have in common is being handsome and marrying princesses.... equally as crap a message actually.

But OP, we're talking about your 6 year old, playing make believe. She won't understand make up as anything else other than a tool for imaginative play. When it becomes a way of enhancing her looks in order to present a particular societal notion of attractiveness, that's the point to discuss it as a feminist issue.

Original poster
resisterpersister · 28/05/2019 16:47

I do take issue with the fact that people are so blind that they really think they're making a free choice

Me too. I notice there's a lot of defensiveness on this thread e.g. posters assuming sneering where none exists.

It seems people feel they just have to defend their choices and can't - or don't want to - admit they they're influenced by societal norms or that they sometimes make imperfect choices. (We all are, and do!)

It's possible to understand that make up is damaging to women, yet still choose to wear it for any of a zillion reasons. That women choose to wear make up doesn't make it a feminist choice however. It just means humans are complex and often contradictory.

Failing to recognise the beauty industry exploits and harms women doesn't make it not so.

OP posts:
Original poster
resisterpersister · 28/05/2019 16:50

hoping to control them as an adult by sneering at other women is quite shit really

Please point to any sneering?

OP posts:
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