How would you feel about having a male midwide

[Lardlizard]

Just interested in the points of view

Agree with the - Fine with male (but would like to be given the choice of an opt out), No way to a male identifying as anything else.
I actually had a gay male midwife who was bloody marvellous!

Those of you who have issues with a male midwife, would you feel the same if a female was a mechanic for your car?

Oh my goodness!

To answer the OP and not get distracted by some errrmmmm....confused posters

I would prefer in this situation to have a male midwife...it would not have been a big issue for me to have a male, but i can understand and support those women who would have a problem with it

In the hospital I have birth in there were/are a grand total of two male midwives - I had one of them with my first and the other with my second. The fact they are males made no difference to how my babies came into the world and they were marvellous. I can appreciate that some women wouldn't be happy with this but I couldn't have been more grateful to them

If a woman is uncomfortable with a male inserting fingers into her as part of a medical examination or seeing her naked etc then that’s her choice. She KNOWS it’s just his job but if she finds it distressing then it’s not something you can just turn off!

I would not want to turn up to a cervical smear and see a male nurse. If we suddenly changed all nurses doing cervical smears to males then I bet the number of women attending would fall massively. Care in labour is no different.

@youngandfree, of course men can have empathy. I specifically mentioned such exceptions. But in my life, 67 years and counting on this earth, I have met very, very few men who would have the ability, the patience, the sensitivity, to totally let go of their male egos in order to completely feel into a woman let's say, me specifically enough as to be that huge support and comfort that she needs.
There are exceptions. And I'm lucky enough to know many extremely sensitive men who I claim as friends. But honestly? I don't think any of them would have made good midwives, had they chosen that profession. The perfect midwife is one who not only has skill but what the German's call Einfuehlungsvermoegen, a basically untranslateable word that means "the ability to feel deeply into another person".
Women learn this more easily than men. For me personally, a midwife should have it if possible. Not all do. It's something very important to me as a woman giving birth. Some birthing women don't care, they just want the competence. And because of my experience of men, I am prejudiced. Most are more concerned with their own egos.
That's all I'm saying. No need to get cross and call bullshit!

Youngandfree you really are being nonsensical. Are you suggesting that because someone is a professional, they cannot be a predator? Don’t be so naive. It’s not about assuming anything, it’s the opposite. Assuming all men are safe is a dangerous message to women. Women are allowed to be wary of men, especially considering a huge amount of women are victims of harassment or assault. It’s about assessing risk and/or personal comfort. The way you’re framing it is really incredibly irritating, making it sound like women who are not comfortable think every man is an abuser is belittling victim blaming crap. Just stop.

I love the way you all assume that only men assault! I have no comprehension issues thank you!! I’m reading all of your posts, I see what I see. You all clearly see what you want to see with mine! I’m not saying women shouldn’t have a choice, choice is fine. I’m saying that you are all assuming men are assholes who want to assault at any opportunity as that’s what I see you all saying!! Didn’t mean to upset anyone to be honest!!

*I say 'are you happy with who's in the room' if accompanied

This concerns me because it is putting women on the spot and forcing them to have to say they don't want a specific person there, in front of that person.*

The only people there are the two birth partners, if I have any suspicion they've not been chosen freely I do more and have much more work to do around that anyway. The question is just a reminder to ask (very occasionally) squeamish partners/ mothers/ mother-in-laws/ sisters/ friends to step outside if you wish and usually results in a flurry of offers to do so which are almost always declined. It's not perfect though.

I remember reading recently that 85% of medical students specialising in obstetrics and gynaecology are now female. This proportion appears to be climbing so in the future the male obs/gynae dr could be a thing of the past completely

Really? That’s really good to know perhaps we can get back to women delivering in more natural positions then rather than flat on their backs so attending medics can have a better view

Genuinely out of interest - to all those saying no definitely not - if you had the choice between a highly experienced male midwife and a female midwife who was incompetent (using the poster above a story of hungover female midwife) which would you choose?? Interesting post thanks op

Youngandfree - you're making the incorrect assumption that males and females are separated in intimate situations in case there is any sexual attraction. It's absolutely NOT because of that - it's nothing to do with sexuality, or attraction at all.

Once you understand that it should be a fairly easy step to understanding why a lot of people want a same sex HCP performing intimate exams, be that a vaginal exam or testicular one.

The perfect midwife is one who not only has skill but what the German's call Einfuehlungsvermoegen, a basically untranslateable word that means "the ability to feel deeply into another person".

Fair few female midwives who need sacking then if that's the criteria they need to meet. 5 days I was in labour with my dd, out of all of those midwives only 2 met your criteria. The rest were a mix of cool, aloof, spiteful, rough and disinterested.

Youngandfree

96-98% cant remember which, of sexual assaults are carried out by men.

This is assessing risk based on both facts and personal experience.

You can't bring lesbians into this as part of your argument around sexuality, and then say you don't have any issue with lesbians.
free

It was you who blamed them for being sexually interested in women.

Yet its been said here, many times now, that men assaulting and killing women is a very real crime statistics, so, in fact they pose a very real risk to women, and especially vulnerable women, which you are when labouring/delivering.

Having a male present can also stop your labour. Hardly worth the risk is it, when all you want is a healthy baby and to live yourself.

Its only womens boundaries that have to be erased. Its depressing how many women are prepared to facilitate that.

Sorry Swaying I thought you meant you were accompanied! I've read stories before of women who felt put on the spot when a HCP arrived with a student/ group of med students and asked if it was okay in front of them and they felt they couldn't say no. Apologies for misunderstanding your post.

Generally a male dominated career but of course there are female mechanics....its the same thing.

Blimey where do you keep your spark plugs?

Once you understand that it should be a fairly easy step to understanding why a lot of people want a same sex HCP performing intimate exams, be that a vaginal exam or testicular one.

When have men ever had a choice over the sex of the nurses giving intimate care to them? Why do people persist in saying this?

While I'm sure most male midwives are dedicated and professional, one has left our local hospital under something of a cloud. Among other problems, he posted on social media about his dating success due to how he was very familiar with certain portions of female anatomy, due to being a midwife (wink, wink). The problem I see is that, as the acceptability of male midwives grows, more men of this sort will be attracted to the profession.

Because it’s the Easter holidays?

Of course

I love the way you all assume that only men assault!

98% of sexual offences are carried out by men.

Now obviously that doesn't mean that women are entirely risk free, but if you were looking at odds, you are far safer plumping for a woman. That's what the stats say. Soz.

@Smotheroffive

I think you may have misinterpreted what I meant. Not to think twice that I would prefer a female just that I am normally very self-conscious. Male or female I literally would not have cared at the time as I whipped off my clothing to get in the birthing pool, I was like a different person.

Sorry for any confusion.

@Sarahjconnor
I had one and was fine with it, but on reflection I think it was the reason my labour stopped and I ended up with an emergency c section

Why do you think he was at fault for your labour stopping?
I'm not saying you're wrong but it just sounds odd that because he was a man it had such a great physiological impact on you

mix of cool, aloof, spiteful, rough and disinterested

How sexist!!! - inference that if they'd been male....

Actually, male would be higher risk

I can understand why some women may prefer to have a female, but what if there was only a male midwife available if it were an emergency? Would you refuse? I doubt it.

Some of you are really generalising and it's really sad. These male midwifes haven't just been picked off the streets, they have had three years training at university, it's quite hard to get into midwifery too.

I am a neonatal nurse, and we have male midwifes, they would be heartbroken if they read some of these messages.

Yes I get that some women would prefer a female, and I totally understand why. But you can't generalise all men to be rapists and sex offenders.