How would you feel about having a male midwide

[Lardlizard]

Just interested in the points of view

It really is not completely obvious!

Yes it is; because they a mention their pregnancies, births, breast feeding etc experiences at some point

This notion that only a woman who has given birth can or should be a midwife is beyond bizarre.

I don't think midwives should be talking about their own experiences.

There's more to midwifery than who's had their arm up you or who's seen what bits.

This notion that only a woman who has given birth can or should be a midwife is beyond bizarre.
I don't think midwives should be talking about their own experiences

Totally agree.

You wouldn't expect your cardiologist to have had a heart attack.

@LassOfFyvie

It's not. They're clueless.

Obviously most midwifery students will not have, but thankfully sooner or later will have children .. and it couldn't come soon enough; they do not get it til they do.

I know women who've had midwives say so to them and apologise for their treatment of/advice to them before they went through it themselves.

It's like a pilot who's only ever flown simulators.

Honestly. Couldn't care if they were male, female, pink or purple. If I ever did it again I would like a midwife who had some empathy. Could communicate with people and show some support as well as listen to me !! Didn't get this with either of my DC.

You wouldn't expect your cardiologist to have had a heart attack.

That doesn't really work as an analogy.

I seriously can't even be bothered breaking down why it doesn't as I need to get some sleep before I get women by a crying child, again.

*woken

I don't think midwives should be talking about their own experiences.

Ridiculous.

I don't think I'd mind and I'm sure I wouldn't mind if he was gay. I wouldn't want them helping me with breastfeeding though. We must defend a woman's right to be attended by female healthcare providers though as not all women would be comfortable. They don't need any reason or excuse for this.

Prequelle I agree that comparing Obgyns to midwives is a false comparison.

Obgyns only have to touch you at crucial times. With midwives, the contact is more ongoing and personal.

I shared a ward with a teenage mum who was all alone. She couldn’t latch her baby so buzzed for help. When the male midwife came, I could see her fear and distress from across the room.

After he helped her and left, she burst into tears (she later shared past traumas which made her reaction very understandable.. I feel if I don’t say that, someone will judge her or say “what about lesbians!!” or something).

Women need to have a right to control who touches their bodies.

122 male midwives in the country. All of them delivering Mumsnetter’s babies.......

Or it might just be those of us who had a male midwife have commented on it. Those who have not had a male midwife didn’t comment, as they had less to add. This thread is not a statistically controlled sample - I have no idea why you would find this surprising.

This notion that only a woman who has given birth can or should be a midwife is beyond bizarre

I completely agree. Every birth is unique, giving birth yourself doesn't give you some sort of special insight into every other woman's experience.

It's like a pilot who's only ever flown simulators

But every single birth is different.
Every woman experiences their birth in a different way.

You could have one birth and think that's how birth is but then your second be entirely different.

To say you have to have given birth to be a good midwife is just ridiculous.
It's about how good you are at the skills of being a midwife.

Cross post Ken

I was always 'fine' with male gynaecologists (routine examinations and tests always carried out by gynaecologist as opposed to nurses in my country of birth). I have come to realise that this was because I had no sense of autonomy or boundaries around my body in the face of male access. Birthing DC1, I required emergency consultant intervention, and was shocked to find myself trying to 'please' the male consultant, trying desperately to 'do it right' and seeking his approval, which resulted in labour stalling and me feeling railroaded into the interventions he proposed. In everyday life, you would never think I would respond like that, but deep conditioning came into play when I was at my most vulnerable, as might be expected. DC2 born at home in the company of w o m e n -aaah...

And on a separate note, what's with the @ing on this thread!? Since when do we @ each other willy nilly? Get on board with the conventions and have some manners.

I don't think midwives should be talking about their own experiences

Ridiculous

A midwife should not be talking about her own experiences. She should be giving advice tailored to the individual woman and letting her patients know in general what will happen. Her individual experience is hers alone. If she sailed through it what help is that to someone having a difficult time or vice versa if she had a difficult birth.

I had an elective caeserean but it would not have bothered me if I'd had a male midwife. This idea that all women are supposed to bond with and empathise with other women is nonsense.

I wouldn't mind either way as long as I get on with them/can build a rapport.

What I would mind, is asking for (or being told I'm having) a woman, and then a man turns up.
Especially if he says he feels like, or identifies as, a woman.

That would piss me right off and I would refuse treatment. If they can't understand human biology, I don't want them treating me.

and on a separate note, what's with the @ing on this thread!? Since when do we @ each other willy nilly? Get on board with the conventions and have some manners

if you don't like it turn the function off in settings.When and who decided this is "convention" and where is that stated?

The poster I am disagreeing with used it for me. My MN email address is a gmail account which isn't even set up on any device. It isn't the @ I object to but the nonsense that only midwives who are mothers are any good.

I had one also, not for the birth though but he came on shift after. He was brilliant I don't think it would have bothered me if he had delivered my baby. Lots of doctors who examined me where male so I wouldn't have thought nothing if it .

Lass, I am not specifically talking about anyone, haven't RTFT past p12, but there's loads of @ing on the first part of the thread, some of which is explicitly objected to, and summarily ignored.
Bolding using the * keys is usually sufficient to alert posters to who you are referring to, and the way it's been done since all this was fields before the @ function became available.
But you are right, of course, it is not the subject of discussion.

The female midwives I had in the hospital were lovely, unlike the one assigned to me who buggered off on holiday when I needed her and left no one else to support me.

At the time, they filled me with so many drugs I let a bunch of students have a wee gander. How much life changes you. I am a lot more protective of myself now and don’t know how I would react. Definitely wouldn’t want his hand inside me, though.

At the time, they filled me with so many drugs I let a bunch of students have a wee gander

That is shocking. No way were you in a position to consent.

33 years ago I had a female midwife with a male student midwife assisting at his first birth. When my baby was born the student cried and was completely overwhelmed. It was really very sweet and I like to think he'll always remember it.

The midwife who really upset me and my partner has 30 years of experience and children of her own.

Still shit at her job though.

I’d take a competent midwife male or female over her (have actually asked she not be allowed near me during the birth)