Why is not wearing a bra so unacceptable?

[ShiveringCoyote]

I always wear a bra to work. I don't really wear one at other times. I'm starting to wonder why it's not acceptable for women not to wear bras in public but men don't have the added expense or hassle. Several of the men I work with would have varying degrees of chestiness ( ), and not one of them has been heavily advised to wear a bra in a professional environment.

His wife was not informed I was told that this is normal locker room behavior and that IT deleted the pictures anyway. I was also told that because of my figure things like this will always happen and I need to get over it. So the implication was that I was to not worry about his behavior and it wasn't the company's place to inform his spouse. Furthermore, if I were to reach out to his spouse I would be fired.

StopThePlanet - The men barely listen to what comes out of my mouth - they fix their gaze on my chest while I speak as it is.

My point exactly. I'm so sorry for what has happened to you at work, I would be very upset and I'm sure you are too. Being in a male dominated environment is so difficult.

I try to live the kind of life that means I don’t have to wear a bra. It does help that I love covering up in several layers. I just find that partway through the day I can’t bear the pain of bras and was determined that as soon as I left school I would stop wearing the damned things.

Saying that, back in my old bra-wearing days, you could still see the outline of my nipples in frigid weather. If you were looking, which it seems a lot of people are...

StopthePlanet

never mind his wife, he should have been fired!

I was also told that because of my figure things like this will always happen and I need to get over it.

WTAF!!!!

Just when I think there's no room to be shocked about some of the crap that gets said to women, someone comes along with a new, and even worse piece of shit.

@Jolonglegs thanks for the support pun intended LOL.

Being an American this is par for the course - it doesn't matter where I've worked or who I've worked for things like this always happen. Fighting the misogynistic power paves the road to unemployment.... I just try to jump ship before they have a chance to make me walk the plank.

Nope, I’ve got bigger than average boobs, and I don’t wear a bra. I haven’t for ages and despite breastfeeding for a year they’re still holding themselves up. I reckon not wearing a bra helps that

Once you hit your 50s and 60s that changes quite a bit!

Yet society accepts the horror that is men walking around all summer in public places topless. Massive double standard, as so many have said our boobs have been so sexualised over time the merest hint of side boob or a nipple and everyone looses their shit.

As others have said, it's about comfort when you've got really big boobs. And double standard or not, the fact is that men absolutely love it when women don't wear bras, or better yet, go topless, so going braless is just doing them a huge favour... so even if I had perfect breasts and I was young I would not ever go braless or topless. It's not about blaming others or shame. I just don't appreciate the male gaze, and offering them something they like won't stop it.

@FermatsTheorem you think that's bad? I've had a boss offer me money for sex (nasty fucker), I've been told that women like me are only good for porn (colleague of outside company), been asked on the daily if my boobs are real and if they can see/touch them (CEO of most recent company), and I can't tell you how often I've been told that I'm much more attractive when I keep my mouth shut (in a business environment mind you).

Because I am in a finance/valuation arena... on the whole feelings don't matter it's all about numbers.

Any complaints or issues exposed like the above are met with amusement at the 'little woman being emotional' even though I bring these complaints in a neutral and rational way without emotion i.e. "it is a human resources nightmare and must be resolved to avoid legal exposure". I don't refer to myself when I bring the complaints or raise the issues I use general terms and refer to 'female staffers' to create a buffer. But as soon as I raise the first concern I am seen differently. The focus abruptly and obviously shifts from the company's long-term benefit of employing me to how much they can get out of me in a short period of time. And why? Because at this point they're already planning to fire me but don't want to lose out on my talent.

Here's a fun one - telling me to get everyone coffee in a meeting when I am the second highest up in the meeting. Because vagina = coffee runner.

Blimey, StopthePlanet, it's like stepping back into the 1970s. Maybe I lead a charmed life (due to being in the public sector) but not only has that sort of thing never happened to me, friends in a variety of jobs have never mentioned that sort of thing in the private sector either. Sacked for getting pregnant, yes (then winning the tribunal - a lot of firms see maternity discrimination payouts as just a business overhead), but a boss offering to pay you for sex - that's beyond skeezy.

Yo sorry about derailing a little with my response-rant.

Bare chested men are commonly seen in almost every place except nice restaurants and in the office here. Half naked people are everywhere - not a big deal. It only bothers me when I see bare chested men in restaurants (sweaty backs against seats - BARF!) and/or women in bathing suits without cover-ups (um vagina & anus almost directly in contact with seats). I just don't want to come into contact with someone else's bodily fluids when I'm eating.

@FermatsTheorem I think part of it is being in Florida but I'm not sure as while I've lived many places I have spent most of my professional life working here (I never encountered anything like that in NYC and experienced some but less obvious in Kentucky).

Funny thing is, the places where you think that one would have encountered sexual harassment i.e. hospitality (restaurants, bars, nightclubs) simply because of dynamics I only encountered it once (was in hospitality from 14yr old to 23yr old). And that one time I was the victor for sure - the chef of a restaurant I bartended at shoved me against a rack in the walk-in cooler and tried to kiss me. I was a good three inches taller than he was (I'm only 5'4") - I reached down and grabbed his tiny penis and balls and while looking in his eyes squeezed as hard as I could. As he pleaded for me to stop I told him that if he ever touched me again that I would rip it all off and shove it down his throat. To my knowledge he never even looked in my direction again.

And yet I derail again... I am going to STFU now. Lol

@FermatsTheorem one more thing and I really will STFU...

In my field the perspective is that money and power are all that matters (I am an outlier). The man that offered me money for sex was painfully wealthy and was used to being able to buy whatever he wanted - I mean WHATEVER he wanted (he had a mail order bride). His behavior had nothing to do with me and everything to do his detachment from reality. And just so you know I told him that I wouldn't fuck him with someone else's pussy much less my own even for all the money in the world.

And just so you know I told him that I wouldn't fuck him with someone else's pussy..

Is it just me?

Are you being served..Mrs slocombe?

Someone should call the rspca, I mean really.

@HorsewithnoDoubt

So I am familiar with the show only by name - pardon me for being daft. If you are referring to the language I used, as they say, when in Rome.

The reference fell short for me and I'd really like to understand what you're saying.

Please expand on your comment I would appreciate the effort.

I think horse has just somehow inverted a double entendre.

www.lowculture.co.uk/2016/01/30/a-tribute-to-mrs-slocombes-pussy/

It's unacceptable because going braless and then trapping your nipple in a zip is fucking painful.

@ErrolTheDragon Thanks so much!

@HorsewithnoDoubt LMAO! (Now that I get it)

Mayhap I have over-shared today. Unfortunately the things I have shared are not uncommon for professional women in my area - we share our war stories over cocktails. Some of my experiences are quite tame in comparison with my female colleagues. However, I tend to respond to offenders by speaking to them as the audience they are rather than what's expected of me (because I'm over it).

I wasn't aware it was unacceptable...I must have missed that ?
Who was telling you to wear one ? Was it female friends and relatives ?

There was a lady at work who had them jiggling around her waist and no one made any comments to her, it was obviously not the norm, but definitely not unacceptable.

I think Valhalla had it in the first reply. Sexualisation of women's breasts. If you cover an area up and make it forbidden fruit, it seems to become an area of prurient curiosity to the male and then sexually fetishised.

There really should be no difference between women being able to show their top half in public and men.

I think you had an interesting point Errol about burkas. The burka is the ultimate in fetishising the entire female body, face and all. Cover the woman all up because every bit of her is sexually inflaming to the male.

It is why I do not like hijabs and similar. They fetishise women's hair, adding a moral/sexual element to showing hair in public.

Western society allows women to show more flesh and the hair but fetishises the covered breasts very strongly. Going braless reveals more of the fetishised body part hence the attention it garners.

There are other cultures which fetishise breasts far less. I saw a documentary once in which the women of another culture showed their breasts quite happily during a public event but could not wear trousers rather than skirt because it would outline the bottom and crotch too much.