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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Why is not wearing a bra so unacceptable?

120 replies

ShiveringCoyote · 05/04/2019 07:18

I always wear a bra to work. I don't really wear one at other times. I'm starting to wonder why it's not acceptable for women not to wear bras in public but men don't have the added expense or hassle. Several of the men I work with would have varying degrees of chestiness ( Wink ), and not one of them has been heavily advised to wear a bra in a professional environment.

OP posts:
skybluee · 05/04/2019 07:57

It is a difficult thing to get your head around though because it's a double standard. And yes to free the nipple.

It should either be: no one's bare chest is OK in public, so men don't walk around with their chest bare, or everyone's is OK. One is not inherently more OK than the other. Jesus, why are people so scared of tits?

Boobs are not the same as a penis/sexual organ! Viewing them as being so is part of the problem. Obviously not OK for a man to walk around with a penis on display, just as it's not OK for me to go to work in crotchless trousers or something. Boobs are not the equivalent and should not be seen so.

Lichtie · 05/04/2019 08:00

OP, have you ever been heavily advised from someone at work to wear a bra? That's just strange.
I don't see the issue, bras serve a purpose for most and are optional... If it had been about ties then that would be another matter, the money DH wastes on ties is unbelievable, and they serve no function that I can see

nettie434 · 05/04/2019 08:00

I had never given this a thought Shiveringcoyote, being in the wearing a bra in the interests of public safety category (think ‘commuters injured after being hit by out of control breasts’), but I think you are right about societal expectations.

The irony is that bra straps have become acceptable in the summer when that was a no no when I was young. It is all about pretending all women have a certain shape, when they don’t.

missmouse101 · 05/04/2019 08:00

I'd accidentally shut my nipple in a drawer if I didn't wear a bra.

Sparklfairy · 05/04/2019 08:01

Ellenborough your equivalent is camel toe, not breasts

madeyemoodysmum · 05/04/2019 08:03

I’d be extremely uncomfortable with out a bra. Pain jiggling weight of them. They would sag massively.

I do sometimes take it off at home but never out.

Only those of small boobage would question this. I wish I were you!!!

Original poster
ShiveringCoyote · 05/04/2019 08:05

I am not of small boobage. Not at all.

OP posts:
Bankofenglandfiver · 05/04/2019 08:09

Have you been “heavily advised to wear a bra”?

Original poster
ShiveringCoyote · 05/04/2019 08:10

In the interests of research I will omit wearing a bra in work next week. I will do a double check of my contract over the weekend but I'm fairly sure it doesn't say anything about bras. Neat clean tidy appearance but nothing about a bra.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShiveringCoyote · 05/04/2019 08:12

No as I said in my op, I have always worn one to work. reading elsewhere women have been. I have had comments outside of work from friends or relatives asking am I not wearing one. I'm jiggly, it's obvious when I'm not.

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 05/04/2019 08:14

I'm generally in the comfier in a bra group, but have a couple of times been in the office braless (once when I'd idiotically managed to sunburn my back) - I just wore a slightly thicker opaque top.

killpop · 05/04/2019 08:15

For me it's a health and safety issue, I don't want people tripping over my norks Wink

SleepingSloth · 05/04/2019 08:18

I have had comments outside of work from friends or relatives asking am I not wearing one. I'm jiggly, it's obvious when I'm not.

But that doesn't mean it's unacceptable. I don't get the bit about men not having the hassle or expense either. It's your choice.

HorsewithnoDoubt · 05/04/2019 08:20



HorsewithnoDoubt · 05/04/2019 08:23

Sorry about that. Try again. Favourite cartoon on this subject:

GregoryPeckingDuck · 05/04/2019 08:26

I don’t think anyone really cares where small breasts are concerned but with larger breasts it seems to be an issue. Not sure whether it’s because of fetishing of breasts or a presentability thing like being expected to wear shape wear if you are fat. I must admit I feel very uncomfortable seeing/thinking about large breasted women going braless because I find it so uncomfortable (especially the jiggling and fabric rubbing on nipples aspect). I wouldn’t tell women what to wear but I really dislike seeing that because I can ‘feel’ it. Like someone running fingernails down a chalkboard.

FermatsTheorem · 05/04/2019 08:36

Yes, it's the way women are shamed for not wearing one. Every so often there will be a thread in AIBU or chat about a woman who's been taken on one side by her manager to say "wear a bra, it's distracting", because apparently the mere hint of an outline of a nipple through completely opaque fabric is more than anyone else in the workplacec can handle and they're likely to faint from the shock of it.

No one has any issues with women who want or need to wear them (I have the worst of both worlds - my norks are small but flappy, so I still need a bra for comfort)>

Babdoc · 05/04/2019 08:42

I’m autistic and have sensory issues with elastic digging in - I hate bras and don’t wear them.

I’m now in my sixties, and most of my male contemporaries have bigger breasts than I do, so perhaps they should be wearing them instead!

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 05/04/2019 08:48

Right now I'm uncomfortable in a bra and uncomfortable not in a bra, which isn't great.

But I'm getting incredibly fed up of seeing men's hairy arse cracks (or a lot of pantage if I'm lucky) around and about. I'm not looking, they're just there!

blueskiesovertheforest · 05/04/2019 08:50

I think it should be fine not to wear one, and fine to wear one, according to personal comfort as with any non sexualised item of clothing - say a jumper.

I agree that this isn't true.

I'm a 38G and peopl with no inappropriate intentionse can definitely tell when I don't wear a bra. I know this because my teenage DD has commented Blush I don't personally feel uncomfortable without one at all, so would prefer there to be no social stigma about being clearly braless but appropriately dressed.

I'd wear one to work because my job is active and I am sometimes in close contact with people - wouldn't to be bashing people with them! I'd like there to be genuinely no judgement of a larger breasted woman going food shopping or picking the kids up from wherever without a bra but appropriately dressed for the activities in jeans and a t shirt or whatever, but that isn't the case.

It is because breasts are sexualised, that's completely obvious.

Whatisthisfuckery · 05/04/2019 08:52

I’m quite large, 32G, so my girls tend to swing and wobble when not restrained. It’s fine if I’m strutting around naked in my own home, but as soon as I put on clothes it becomes uncomfortable. If I had my way I’d walk around nude all the time for my own comfort. As it is I feel very self-conscious when not wearing a bra. Even popping Dow to the bins I’d worry about someone seeing me. I don’t like people (men) looking at my tits anyway, and not wearing a bra would be very noticable indeed.

I remember when I was a teen and that programme ‘Ground Force’ was on. The woman who did the water features, Charley somet didn’t wear a bra. It was all the lads went on about. I think that probably put me off not wearing a bra for life.

madcatladyforever · 05/04/2019 08:54

I worked with a nurse with big saggy waist danglers who refused to wear a bra. Nobody dared to say anything to her.
I like wearing a bra. I feel more supported as an older lady. Sometimes I wear a light sleep bra even though it makes look like a sack of potatoes.

CalamityJune · 05/04/2019 08:54

I don't want the movement or lack of support and would always wear a bra

blueskiesovertheforest · 05/04/2019 08:55

Ellenborough wtf? The female equivalent of a penis is not breasts... Did your parents opt you out of sex education?

Pantone333 · 05/04/2019 08:58

I don’t wear a bra. I barely have any breasts but quite prominent nipples even when I’m not cold.

Other than the odd “bit cold luv” comments from knuckle draggers nobody really comments. It’s generally other women (usually the older generation) who will comment.

I don’t need to wear one so why would I. Most men have bigger breasts than me!

Also the penis thing....I’m Essex based where spray on skinny jeans for men is all the rage. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I can clearly see some blokes whole package or lack thereof through his jeans!

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