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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Why is not wearing a bra so unacceptable?

120 replies

ShiveringCoyote · 05/04/2019 07:18

I always wear a bra to work. I don't really wear one at other times. I'm starting to wonder why it's not acceptable for women not to wear bras in public but men don't have the added expense or hassle. Several of the men I work with would have varying degrees of chestiness ( Wink ), and not one of them has been heavily advised to wear a bra in a professional environment.

OP posts:
barelove · 05/04/2019 11:08

There is no comparison with a female nipple showing through- none at all. I'm astonished you would even compare the 2.

I'm not comparing the 2. I'm drawing a comparison to the responsibility to 'not distract' people with anything that we choose to wear or not wear. I'm saying that I think it's up to the viewer to be responsible for how distracted they are and how their distraction affects their responses. I'm saying that to make us responsible for protecting others by not distracting them with what ever we choose to wear or not wear is wrong. When a women is blamed for being sexual assaulted because of the clothes she wears, I think we all agree this is wrong.

LassOfFyvie · 05/04/2019 11:10

So the question really is, why do people get so upset over women's chests but not men's?

In a work context it's largely embarrassment isn't It? There might be some men leering but there will be others thinking "oh, dear , don't look, don't let her catch me staring" because breasts are sexualised.

They aren't however threatening in the way that a penis visible through no underwear and thin trousers is.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 05/04/2019 11:12

I think what I meant to say is that topless men around here would unlikely be challenged and a woman absolutely would.

So yes that is definitely different to society accepting it. Although one could say that not challenging isn't so different to accepting ties myself in knots overthinking words

LassOfFyvie · 05/04/2019 11:17

I'm saying that I think it's up to the viewer to be responsible for how distracted they are and how their distraction affects their responses

There is no comparison with a female nipple showing through and a penis being displayed. To suggest that anyone who might be upset by your friend's visibly swinging penis is just "distracted" is utter nonsense. A penis is a sex organ- breasts might be sexualised in some societies but they are not sex organs.

SleepingSloth · 05/04/2019 11:18

So yes that is definitely different to society accepting it. Although one could say that not challenging isn't so different to accepting ties myself in knots overthinking words

Grin I know what you are saying. I hate how it's sometimes hard to get what we mean across when writing, so much easier in conversation.

ErrolTheDragon · 05/04/2019 11:19

Having grown up by the seaside I'm baffled by anyone asserting that bare chested men aren't accepted by society. Maybe not in an indoors public place, but it's totally ok in many public open spaces.

Yes, of course it's down to sexualisation. But that line of thought and responsibility leads to the abaya and the burka.

barelove · 05/04/2019 11:20

They aren't however threatening in the way that a penis visible through no underwear and thin trousers is

My friend would've been mortified if he thought anyone felt threatened by the presence of his penis in his trousers. He would've definitely have put a pair of pants on if it was even suggested. But context is everything. He was just getting on with work in his workshop and nipping out to the shops or pub. He was not in a womens changing room, toilet, prison or refuge. Again, my point is not to compare body parts but to draw attention to the responsibility placed on individuals of both sexes to dress in a way that that protects the viewer from being distracted, wether that's from their work or from being able to control their sexually preditative urges.

AverageMan · 05/04/2019 11:21

I wouldn't dream of going commando in loose fitting trousers or shorts. That really is unacceptable. Fine with women going braless; the intention is not to intimidate.

LassOfFyvie · 05/04/2019 11:26

Displaying a penis is not the same as displaying a female nipple. Do you really not get that? You think it is up to the person who does not want to see a penis not to be distracted?

Or even more ridiculous that it is up to the person who does not want to see a penis to control "their sexually preditative urges"?

LassOfFyvie · 05/04/2019 11:28

AverageMan

I wouldn't dream of going commando in loose fitting trousers or shorts. That really is unacceptable. Fine with women going braless; the intention is not to intimidate

Thank you. That is exactly the point.

barelove · 05/04/2019 11:30

To suggest that anyone who might be upset by your friend's visibly swinging penis is just "distracted" is utter nonsense

It's not actually, but it is to you. I'm sorry to have missed that this is something you have strong feelings about. I really wasn't trying to defend men flashing their dicks about in inappropriate environments. I was genuinely coming at it from an different angle. No intention to push an issue that felt threatening. Apologies LassOfFyvie Flowers

Loulzze · 05/04/2019 11:40

I'm of the mindset, what's the point in having small boobs AND having to wear a bra. Most of the time I don't, I'm a 34B and 23 so very much of the "free the nipple" generation, but I do feel uncomfortable sometimes knowing people could tell and I wish I didn't

Eliza9919 · 05/04/2019 11:56

I'm starting to think women are duped into thinking they need rather than want to wear a bra.

Not necessarily, for some people it would be painful to not wear a bra. I wouldn't want to walk around and do stuff with no bra on. I take it off as soon as I get home but then I don't do much other than sit on the sofa or a bit of cleaning or cooking when I'm indoors.

ErrolTheDragon · 05/04/2019 11:59

I don't like running up and down stairs without a bra on, and really can't contemplate many forms of exercise without a proper sports bra. Far from burning them, for some women a good bra is an instrument of liberation!

Spanielmadness · 05/04/2019 11:59

My boobs are around a D and I haven’t worn a bra in years. Much more comfy. I don’t care what people think. I’m mid 30’s

LassOfFyvie · 05/04/2019 12:12

It's not actually, but it is to you. I'm sorry to have missed that this is something you have strong feelings about. I really wasn't trying to defend men flashing their dicks about in inappropriate environments. I was genuinely coming at it from an different angle. No intention to push an issue that felt threatening. Apologies LassOfFyvie

You are missing the point if you think I am only approaching this because I have personally experienced flashing. I haven't. I am completely bemused that you think a flash of female nipple is the same as a flash of penis

Poster AverageMan who is a man got the point.

Fudgenugget · 05/04/2019 12:14

38D here, so wide and flat. I admit to not wearing a bra in winter, covered up by thick coats and jumpers. In summer, I cannot go to work without one because out uniform shows up...everything. But I go bra less at home a lot. I never under wired bras, they are too uncomfortable.

For balance DH goes commando in the summer when wearing shorts. He says his nuts will poach, otherwise. Grin

CarlGrimesMissingEye · 05/04/2019 12:16

I don't wear a bra but I'm a tiny 32 a/b depending on where I shop. If folk can't take the outline of a nipple when I am cold that's their issue because it doesn't bother me at all

Lamaha · 05/04/2019 12:35

Because I’m a 32H and without a bra, except occasionally round the house, my boobs flop around and quickly start to really hurt. And any movement beyond a very slow walk is uncomfortable or painful.
^ This.

I believe that the women who advocate that we free the boobs all have beautiful perky boobs that they are happy to show off! :) But big, saggy boobs, like I have? They are simply better controlled in a bra. Sometimes, at home, I go without a bra but doing so tends to give me bad posture as they are heavy.

I know women who have very small boobs who only wear a vest. If I had small boobs I'd do the same.

I also have very hard, prominent nipples which show through if I'm wearing thin clothing, show through even if I'm wearing a bra and jumper. I have to wear thick bras to prevent it.

barelove · 05/04/2019 12:37

LassOfFyvie

For me, a conversation is about expressing your thoughts and listening to the other persons thoughts with respect, sensitivity and an open mind. I don't persist in trying to make the other person agree with me and I get a bit fed up when I experience them repeating themselves in an effort to get me to agree with them.

Please don't miss quote me. I did not say that you have personally experienced flashing. And I'm tired of having to explain over and again that I'm not comparing the body parts being flashed but am questioning the responsibility that goes with how we present ourselves.

You clearly don't want to have that conversation with me. I have apologised for any insensitivity shown to you. You are obviously unaware of your own.

ErrolTheDragon · 05/04/2019 12:49

I don't wear a bra but I'm a tiny 32 a/b depending on where I shop. If folk can't take the outline of a nipple when I am cold that's their issue because it doesn't bother me at all

If I didn't need a bra, I'd be likewise. I'm no more bothered about hiding the shape of my nipples than I would be about covering my hair or suchlike. Other cultures through geography and time don't place this restriction on women.

I've breastfed in the presence of some of my colleagues - no idea what, if anything, they saw, and really don't care. They were sensible adults, of course.

SomeDyke · 05/04/2019 13:06

I’d be extremely uncomfortable with out a bra. Pain jiggling weight of them. They would sag massively.

Mine do. I went without a bra for years because there were torture, and just transferred the weight to shoulders via straps. Now I wear elastic bra thingies, but only because they keep things a little more in order, so things don't fall out of arm holes unexpectedly. As regards sagging (or, what flesh does naturally, why would you expect breast tissue to be erect as it were without even the hydraulic assistance that other sexes parts seem to have), they probably sag just as much, it's more the lateral movement. But frankly, as a fat dyke, I find the 'injuring fellow passengers' totally unfunny -- fellow passengers more likely to come into contact with my wide hips or arse, or arms, not my boobs! Breasts aren't an offensive weapon!

CarlGrimesMissingEye · 05/04/2019 13:54

@ErrolTheDragon quite. I also breastfed in my old Office. Not an eyelid batted.

For me a bra is functional. I don't 'need' one for support but obviously plenty of women do feel more comfortable with one on. As I'm physically comfortable and not in pain. I only wear one these days to make a top hang more nicely!

StopThePlanet · 05/04/2019 15:45

I'm of average stature (hourglass shaped) and lug around 34DDDs. It's hard enough to find suits that work to accommodate 'my girls' with a good bra on. Any time I've tried formal business attire on (wearing a substandard bra) I end up having to go up a couple sizes because of where my breasts sit naturally which causes the garments to hang wrong everywhere else.

As I work in a very male-dominated field I already have to parry comments and advances daily; not wearing a bra could put me in a more vulnerable position. The men barely listen to what comes out of my mouth - they fix their gaze on my chest while I speak as it is.

Recently upon firing a male higher up it was discovered that his business phone contained a gallery of pictures (taken in different places in the office) of my backside and legs. I can only imagine how the pictures would have looked if I went to work without a bra.

Usually braless at home but if I'm doing a lot of cooking or cleaning I wear a sports bra. Wearing a thin tank top and dropping one of my nipples in a hot skillet (frying bacon) was enough to put me in the 'always wear a bra while cooking camp'.

To each their own... to wear a bra or to not to wear a bra that is a personal decision.

HorsewithnoDoubt · 05/04/2019 16:24

..his business phone contained a gallery of pictures (taken in different places in the office) of my backside and legs..

I do hope his wife/partner was informed.