Does anyone else feel this is affecting their mental health but also feel that it’s too important to walk away from?

[Destinysdaughter]

I do. I’m on MN and Twitter every day and I feel so enraged and powerless by it all. It’s so fucking ridiculous and bullshit and gaslighting ( today I listened to a interview on Kent radio with ‘ Dr Rachel’ and I felt so angry I just wanted to chuck my phone across the room. ) I’m 54 and I cannot believe it’s come to this. The good Dr is saying, with a straight face, that there are no biological advantages between men and women? Even a child knows there are massive differences, why are we even debating this shit???

So I feel v conflicted between wanting to just walk away from this bollocks as it’s constant, but also feeling like I HAVE to know what’s going on, as it’s such a massive fight which we CANNOT lose.

I don’t want to live in this state of constantly feeling enraged. And I know there’s been a few small wins, but why, in 2019 are we having to fight for the literal definition for what the word woman means...???

Email your elected member and tell them. Tell them what’s going on and how that is affecting you.
Because if we all do it they can’t turn round when the shit hits the fan and say they didn’t know. I’m not saying they’ll act on it or anything. I have met civil servants re GRA debate and emailed MSPs about the census debate in Scotland, the fact that police record people by gender id and they’ll be getting one on sport. I mention that I’ve been involved in holding public meetings on the issue and the shit we get for that and how we have to meet in secret.
Sometimes the only thing we can do is bear witness. It’s important.
Also I sing in a choir, go birdwatching and drink a shitload of wine.

Me too - I sometimes lie awake worrying about this, and getting myself into a state. I have mental health issues, so sometimes I have to take a step away, so the impact on my mental health doesn’t worsen.

Also I sing in a choir, go birdwatching and drink a shitload of wine

Good on you running

I’m a similar age to you op and I feel exactly the same. My mental health is affected and I feel so angry most of the time.
However, I can’t get away from it as my stepdaughter (16) says she is a gay man and wants to start on testosterone soon.
The problems this has caused are endless. My dh does not know what to do and I have to keep away from it all as I am so passionately against medicalising confused teens.
It’s a nightmare.

I think it's important to take time out and do other things but also I try to focus on things that actually make a difference, rather than spending too much time looking in horror and despair at the LibDem LGBT Twitter feed or the violent threats being made against women. I think it's important to be aware of these things but not to get too engrossed in them - or in pointless online arguments with transactivists (unless there's an audience of regular people who might be hearing the issues for the first time).

If you can find a local group to get involved in that is ideal but, if not, do things like write to your MP, sign a petition, respond to a consultation, talk to regular people in your everyday life who aren't aware of the issues. And then take a break to do something else knowing that you have done something positive.

In the past I've had an issue with engaging with discussions around rape and sexual assault. Even though I know it's important to discuss this and for example, add my views to online conversations and challenge societal attitudes I have sometimes found it too difficult to be reading that stuff and engaging with it - so every time this happened and I couldn't cope with it, I'd put 50p aside and when it built up to a round figure donate it to Rape Crisis.

It made me feel like I was doing something even though I didn't feel able to engage with the issues. Doing something similar - or just making a one-off donation - (if you can afford to) to an organisation like Fair Play For Women or Transgender Trend might make you feel better - ie that you are doing something - while actually taking a break from dealing with all the crap first-hand.

Mrs Keats, and all those struggling to find space away from this issue. It is hard.

Thanks melroses
For my dh it’s hard because he’s kind of mourning the loss of his daughter. It’s all so self involved and there’s no acknowledgement that this hurts anyone else in the family. Her elderly grandparents are confused and got yelled at for getting pronouns wrong. Honestly I’m not involved anymore. I can’t suck it up. I also won’t allow my own children to be hurt by this.

It may seem a bit obvious, but you can only do what you can do. It is easy to blame yourself for not doing more, but it is easier to be kinder once you realise this. I think that goes for a lot of things.

KeepingitSane' s advice is good. Doing a few little things adds up.

Yes definitely. This section of mn helps too. Knowing that other people agree.

I'm finding all the online arguments utterly exhausting, but somehow cannot ignore them. When I talk to people face to face, it's heartening to see that most can see how utterly bonkers this all is. But sadly most of them don't seem inclined to do anything about it (though I did get a couple of them to complete the GRA consultation).

I'm getting to the stage where I need to meet up with some like minded people and just talk about this more.

But how do I find them? Are there details of meetings on any of the FPFW type pages? Or is it bit of a secret society and I have to give a handshake/password to prove I'm on the right side and not some kind of ninja TRA trying to infiltrate and cause havoc?

Those of you who have been to events/meetings/pubs (please tell me there are pubs involved!) - how did you find them?

I'm near Sheffield if that helps point me in the right direction.

Yup, I’ve been having to take breaks and this is the second time I’ve tried to come back to it (on Twitter) and my tolerance is even lower.

KeepingItSane
In the past I've had an issue with engaging with discussions around rape and sexual assault. Even though I know it's important to discuss this and for example, add my views to online conversations and challenge societal attitudes I have sometimes found it too difficult to be reading that stuff and engaging with it - so every time this happened and I couldn't cope with it, I'd put 50p aside and when it built up to a round figure donate it to Rape Crisis.
You are a legend. This is such a good idea! Just repeating it here because YES. This is such a great way to cope. To make sure that when you can't engage with the political or emotional discussions you still know you are making a positive difference.
Good for you.
I am going to consider doing this around this issue - 50p in the pot every time I need to force myself to stop reading and donate it to a front line women's work charity after a year.

Great idea. Thank you.

Can I just encourage you all for a moment? The first time I read a thread saying this, quite some time ago, it was almost immediately beset with AWAs being very nasty about the unhinged, mentally fragile women here being lied to. It was really, really horrible stuff.

It's not a brilliant thing that in the interim, evidence has begun piling up that the women here are not hysterical fantasists, but it does mean that those bullies quite simply haven't got any defence if they come in here and attempt the bullshit.

I think this is a good thing because there was a time when FWR looked like a real outpost, in a culture that seemed to be conquered entirely, and we felt very much under siege. But the cat is out of the bag. There are people in the public eye not just beginning to notice, but actually standing up and speaking. This is not the lost cause we once feared.

Take a break, take a breath, but be reassured, your voice does make a difference.

We all know she is deluded - but for some reason she gets publicity, which is frightening.

How can she say that men have no physical advantages over women? If you want to see a very 'low brow' example of this watch Harry's full English from last night. The concept of which was to get a group of overweight unfit ex England footballers back out there. They played some 14 year old boys and had to stop after about half an hour in case one of them keeled over. They then played a current women's professional team... They won. They weren't fitter, and the ladies were a decent side, but with a fraction of the skill they had from 20 years ago they still won.

This Rachel person is a bloody menace, i just wish people would stop giving her a platform for her bullshit.

I have some good news.

A few months back I gently mentioned the GRA on a couple of forums, to some close friends and on Fb. I mainly focussed on sport and GG and though there was a small (and nice) amount of support, friends tended to respond with a polite disinterest.

Its changing. One friend, sparked by the Martina debate, quizzed me over lunch, her eyes getting wider and wider as I mentioned schools, hormones, child protection, prisons etc. Another friend, sparked by child we both know deciding to trans, also raised it, this time looking at it from a historical/societal context. Our tulip mania moment.

It takes time for people to peak-trans, but the ripples are spreading. And if we look back 6 or 12 months, we have come an awful long way.

No one is forcing you to go on social media, watch the news, listen to the radio. Step away from it all. Then You have peace.

No one is forcing you to go on social media, watch the news, listen to the radio. Step away from it all. Then You have peace.

Well, until your daughter is told her 'no' doesn't matter about mixed sex school toilets because she's female, and the female-with-a-penis is more important. Or that she should budge up for a 6ft2 man in a dress and if she doesn't treat him like a woman, and use female pronouns, she is at fault not him. Or that if she doesn't like playing mummies and pink and dresses but likes science and maths and trousers she's probably a boy and should take drugs that will irreversably render her sterile and probably have long term health consequences. Or that it's FINE that the boy who is not good enough to win at running with the boys is now a 'girl' and so is winning all the girls races, and there is literally no point whatsoever to her bothering at sports any more. It's quite difficult to feel at peace when you feel your children are threatened.

Yes, quite. I’m seeing one of our friends with a transitioning child in a couple of weeks. I’ll grit my teeth and use the new name, but I want to shake her and them and beg her not to wreck her health with wrong-sex hormones.

Maybe I’m a coward not to do just that. This teenager’s long term health matters more than our friendship really.

She transitioned after her stepparents separated acrimoniously and her father had a heart attack.

But nothing to see here apart from dysphasia, of course.

Dysphoria

My spellcheck hates me.

I feel very angry, however I feel very guilty as I’m not really doing anything at all about it. I follow social media but I don’t share or argue anything as I’m too concerned about how it might impact on my work (NHS mental health nurse). I feel frustrated with myself that I’m not doing anything. I do have conversations with people out of work and have managed to peak trans a few that way, but I daren’t do social media.

Bearberry I feel for you it must be very unsettling to know speaking the truth could threaten your job. I have a loong way to go before I'm doing half of what some incredible posters here are doing but I'm doing more of a drip drip approach, baby steps I suppose. Signing petitions when I can, testing the waters with conversation here and there. And if you've peaked a few people already you're doing awesome

Keepingitsane holy crap that is such a simple yet incredible idea. Thank you, I'm going to do that.

And I see what you mean Needmore maybe the people I know are yet to have their button pressed whether its sport, changing rooms, whatever. Every person who is on the side of fair and right will at some point have their "WTF!!" peak moment. And they'll know we can have the conversation.

My problem is once I know there's a problem I want to fix it and get impatient waiting for others to decide to do the same

But honestly I think this place and you lovely lot are a lifeline

I do have conversations with people out of work and have managed to peak trans a few that way, but I daren’t do social media.

Then you are doing something, Bearberry. And thank you.

But how do I find them? Are there details of meetings on any of the FPFW type pages? Or is it bit of a secret society and I have to give a handshake/password to prove I'm on the right side and not some kind of ninja TRA trying to infiltrate and cause havoc?

Follow @WomansPlaceUK and @WNTTgra on Twitter for information about events in your area.

Look for Resisters groups as well. I'm pretty rubbish at social media but there's a main website - Resisters United UK & Ireland and there's links to groups on Twitter. Sheffield Resisters tweet a good bit and did a lovely sash for the women of steel statue and went to MWR with their banner.