Does anyone else feel this is affecting their mental health but also feel that it’s too important to walk away from?

[Destinysdaughter]

I do. I’m on MN and Twitter every day and I feel so enraged and powerless by it all. It’s so fucking ridiculous and bullshit and gaslighting ( today I listened to a interview on Kent radio with ‘ Dr Rachel’ and I felt so angry I just wanted to chuck my phone across the room. ) I’m 54 and I cannot believe it’s come to this. The good Dr is saying, with a straight face, that there are no biological advantages between men and women? Even a child knows there are massive differences, why are we even debating this shit???

So I feel v conflicted between wanting to just walk away from this bollocks as it’s constant, but also feeling like I HAVE to know what’s going on, as it’s such a massive fight which we CANNOT lose.

I don’t want to live in this state of constantly feeling enraged. And I know there’s been a few small wins, but why, in 2019 are we having to fight for the literal definition for what the word woman means...???

Yes OP, 100% I feel the same.
Yesterday I had to email a mental health professional about this.
A couple weeks back I had to call crisis lines a couple days on the run
RomanticFatigue
I was subjected to gaslighting from an ex and the head fuck feels exactly the same.
Yes, I thought the exact same thing yesterday. It is text book gaslighting where somebody tells you that you don't see what you plainly see. It feels exactly the same as abusive shit I have dealt with, too. The head feel, as you say, is exactly the same. It's horrific.
I think the advice here to try and force yourself to get some distance for a bit is sound. Real life interactions can feel less bad.
Keeping speaking here about mental health and burn out, though, if you want to, it's important and will help you see you are not alone and help you maybe to interact more with how to look after yourself than to engage right now. This is a long game and we need to make sure each other and ourselves keep as well as possible.

I agree that it can be overwhelming, it feels as if there is a conspiracy against women and children. What shocks me is seeing the censorship in the press and other media, and how women are being slurred for trying to protect children. I am also shaken by some parents (thank God not many) who think transing their children at a young age is OK, and I do see them as quite socially gullible.

There are so many thoughtful and caring people on Mumsnet, it shows that all is not lost. As said, people on Twitter versus people in real life are worlds apart. But for the sake of your mental health, take a break occasionally. People will still be here, doing their bit to hold the line, and support is growing all the time. I have stopped using Twitter as it causes me such stress my health suffers, and family strife as well! It is not worth making yourself ill.

People will still be here, doing their bit to hold the line, and support is growing all the time.

Yes. There are so many of us now that we can afford to take breaks when we need to & come back stronger.

Step back, you’ll gain perspective and be more effective.

Stop checking here and twitter for a bit. Do things you enjoy.

I do feel quite shaken and even slightly sick whenever one of my friends-with-transed-daughters pops up on Facebook. I’ve carefully avoided putting anything on my page or timeline that could upset these kids but honestly I’m starting to want to scream ‘Don’t do it! Stop cheering on long term bodily harm for the sake of short term teenage feelings! Don’t let her take testosterone for God’s sake, she’s lovely how she is.’

Same here.

But I focus on the things I am able to do - challenging gender stereotypes in our school, distributing copies of the Transgender Trend school pack to colleagues at network meetings and so on.

I wish I could discuss all of this with DD though. She’s drunk the Kool-Aid big time, like so many young people. It breaks my heart after I brought her up to be a feminist

I agree OP. It's overwhelmingly draining and leaves me perpetually on high alert.

Twitter versus people in real life are worlds apart

That's the problem though. I can't stop thinking/talking about it. By the time those people catch up laws and rules will have been changed and there won't be anything anyone can do about it.

But I can’t avoid it in real life, as these are people I know for real. The first one ‘transed’ about five years ago before I’d ever come across it on MN, and before that there was a male friend who started to present as a woman.

Other real life friends who don’t know these families tend to be still in the ‘it’s all very complicated and probably to do with intersex’ stages of thinking about it, if they’ve any free head space between climate change, work, budget cuts and brexit.

I feel the same OP. I take Twitter breaks now, when I just don’t engage with anything GC.

Me too. All social media, including FB and MN. And I know I will engage with things if I visit at all so I go cold turkey in my (regular) breaks. It's much more manageable.

Family this x1000. I always give unconditional love and support to my daughter, and listen to all her worries, but it certainly doesn't go the other way. Her anger at me is so upsetting, but I will not give up.

Twitter versus people in real life are worlds apart

That’s true. But seen as a lot of women’s groups and organisations now believe TWAW I feel in real life I have nowhere to go to gather with women either. I’m too scared to say what I think except for close friends and even then...

I absolutely feel the same as you. I have to take breaks from it and then revisit when I've calmed down.

Sometimes I feel like we will all be swept along with what the powers that be decide, that times change, that this is 'evolution' of sorts and I should just sit back and get on with my life. Sometimes I feel like we can stop the madness by keeping up the 'debate', staying angry, showing support.

If anyone has any answers on how to stay supportive without spiralling into depression that would be wonderful.

I get such overpowering rage sometimes that I can't trust myself to even speak.

Yes I’m angry most of the time. Take time, take breaks and surround yourself with as many GC people as you can. I’d rather live in an echo chamber than in a cesspit of vile abuse.

Yes because once you see it, you can’t unsee this and it’s so pervasive.
But the thing is, truth telling and sunlight do work to expose this. We just need to keep applying critical thinking, talking and to hang in there collectively. With breaks individually as needed.
Obviously there is a huge way to go and progression is rarely linear but things already seem a bit more positive in terms of wider gender critical awareness and allies than they did only a few years ago.

I used to be such a big reader and I have a pile of unread or half read books on my bedside table. I'm trying to set myself reading goals to take time off the web and get back to reading again. It's much more relaxing.

I get such overpowering rage sometimes that I can't trust myself to even speak. Same, Lang.

The Tour de France thread seems to have attracted a readership beyond the Feminism boards: people staying the blimmin’ obvious about men and women..... in blissful ignorance about the RMs of the world.

I keep going because I want more people to be aware of the double standard discrepancies.

But I work in a field where GC women have been targeted and the effect of self censorship and curtailment of free speech is having a real effect on my MH.

I was so inspired when the "Woman Adult Human Female" t shirts appeared on virtually ALL female statues overnight across the entire country.
It was such a huge team effort. We are everywhere, in every town in the country, doing our own bit playing our small part in fighting back against this dangerous movement. You aren't alone.

We had a meet up in the pub and vented about this dangerous insanity. Normal evil witches from all walks of life.

It felt like a weight came off our shoulders to speak freely in the real world.

I think this is all especially hard as its so worrying where children are involved.

I took a break when they raised all that money for mermaids. They know not what they do.

op

Optimist I agree that reading can be a welcome relief. Sometimes I feel totally unable to start a new book, I can't relax and don't have the mental energy. I find it helps to reread old favourites, they seem to welcome me back ;-)

I did try a new book the other week, the final one from Sue Grafton. Partway through, she has her protagonist muse, "Women have had the violence bred out of them" That certainly jolted me!

I worry I spend too much time worrying about it. I think the big difference between this and other political topics is the degree of threat around it and being told any teeny divergence from TRA line is a sign of being a terf/transphobic. Even if you take something else incredibly divisive like Brexit, you always know that any people who think the same as you will be featured on the media. The comparisons with gaslighting are very valid I think.

I personally am very happy with people being gender fluid or transgender. I don’t like the refusal to recognise that this creates competing risks for people who have different views and that compromises like single sex provision are sometimes needed. I like the idea of being more activist but am not sure about what to do. Before I always did things through a political party but as we know that’s not an option any more.

Funnily enough, I turned down an invitation this morning to a "girl's night out". Last time I met up with the host she was aghast that I challenged the notion that you can be 'born in the wrong body'. Gender Dysphoria (diagnosed) aside, she can't or won't discuss the implications of puberty blockers. I haven't got the strength to join in this time.

OP

It is not just you

It is important to hold onto the fact that, when someone is a dissident in a cultic milieu, they will be gaslighted and will be treated with disdain.

I have been ignored, treated as though i am insane and deluded, treated with contempt and derision, blamed for the crimes of others and alienated from people who I was close to due to the machinations of others.

There was a time when it distressed me greatly. It can be maddening (literally) to be treated as though you are insane, when in fact you are sane and the world is going mad.

Understand that, if you were not capable of making a difference you would not be on the receiving end of gaslighting.

Things that have helped me include; watching films the narratives of which resonate with what is happening in the word now.

Films I would recommend

Alien and Aliens
Invasion of the Body Snatchers (the original and the remake are both wonderful)
The Stepford Wives (the original not the remake)
The Night Of The Hunter (the original)
Ex Machina

I stay strong by ensuring I eat well, exercise regularly, spend time in nature and reflect upon the natural word. I find writing poetry and prose and making art to be therapeutic.

Keep your friends and allies close and finally

Understand and keep telling yourself that it is the world, not you, that is going mad.

If your physical fitness permits, join your local amateur boxing club (ABC). ABCs are cheap as chips, will get you fighting fit and healthy in no time and you get to spend a lot of time hitting big men in the face. You may make male friends as well as developing fighting skills and increasing your health and confidence. I appreciate that some women may not feel comfortable with this option and it is not for everyone, but I found it very helpful and empowering and would recommend to others who have an ABC nearby and who are sufficiently physically fit to do so.

What works for me may not work for you. Find what works for you and do what you need to do to tsay well.

Pace yourself, take care of yourself and understand that it feels overwhelming , illogical and insane because it is overwhelming, illogical and insane.

I used to be such a big reader and I have a pile of unread or half read books on my bedside table. I'm trying to set myself reading goals to take time off the web and get back to reading again. It's much more relaxing.

Same!