And then they came for the heterosexual men

[EweSurname]

I Asked My Crushes Why They Won't Sleep with Me

When a straight guy says he is not into me, nor other trans women, I feel butthurt–emotionally and, unfortunately, not physically.

broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/3kgvab/transgender-sex-chasers-cisgender-men

Just to add, it seems as though cock domination, whether with men or women, is the goal. Hence not being interested in men who actually want him.

It's extraordinary how you can want to have sex, even though you know the other person doesn't want you. I'm sure most women don't feel this way.

Rape has long being recognised as being about abuse of power rather than sex.

Not fancying someone is transphobic? WTF?

And yes, the assumption that one is entitled to it. The author even wished that sex was a 'right'.

Yup. Men's Sexual Rights Movement in a nutshell

NothingOnTellyAgain "Well you can do what you like obv but it's not logical at all if TWAW"

I think we can safely say logic and critical thought is not a strength nor of much importance to many TRAs... Unfornately we give credit them with more logic and intelligence than they often exhibit, as we try to debate our perspective, probably why they resort to the #nodebate crap.

Anyone else want to go and live on a remote little island somewhere?
No but there's a lot of people I'd like to send off to live on one.

It's extraordinary how you can want to have sex, even though you know the other person doesn't want you

1 in 10 men have paid for sex, knowing full well the woman doesn't want them even slightly. Men and their penis evidently don't care.

The person in the article needs to find someone who's bisexual
A lot of bisexual people don't want to date transgender people either.

I wonder if it's worth contacting all the people I've ever had a crush on (including Jodies Foster and Whittaker, though as they've never met me, they've not actually been given the option) and berate them for not wanting to shag me.

(Goes off to make list, starting with Peter B when was 14).

I already changed to be a woman. I shouldn’t have to, and frankly cannot, change straight men. I feel like I’m failing at the game of heterosexuality–when actually, heterosexuality is failing me.

What they are experiencing is male privileged in a misogynistic world. Of course they can become a woman because woman means nothing but what a man wants it to be.

Changing male sexuality is out of their reach, because straight men aren't expected to change what they are. 'Woman' might have changed definition, but 'straight man' hasn't.

I'm a bisexual- I do not fancy or want to be romantically involved with and transexual be it FTM or MTF.

I actually don't think many of my bisexual friends would want to be either, we have discussed it in the past and nobody seemed keen on the idea.

Maybe one of the benefits of female socialisation is all the practice we get at fancying people we can’t have?

That’s what all those pull out posters were about, wasn’t it? From Elvis right through to Justin Beiber, (Wham! Duran Duran and A-Ha were my versions) young girls are taught to admire adult men from afar, knowing that they will never, ever have that admiration reciprocated.

At the same age, boys have sports team photos on their walls.
They aren’t introduced to women to covet until adolescence, and by then it’s all about stirring up their entitlement to women’s bodies, page 3, the naked women under the peanut packets in the pub, porn etc.

We know that when men transition, they take all that socialisation and entitlement with them - how can you feel like or live ‘as a woman’ when you’ve been groomed by society in this way? You are wearing clothes that have been coded female but you have male sexuality and all it’s nasty entitlement (regardless of gay/straight sexual orientation).

Transmen, having gone the other way, are able to look like men but come without the rapey entitlement, because they’ve been socialised into unrequited love and accepting rejection. No wonder a generation of confused teenage girls are crushing on YouTube transmen.

Just thinking in public, feel free to ignore me!

broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/kzd8yx/how-transgender-women-top-during-sex
Linked article is amazing too
There are two reasons why I do not top: One, topping takes a lot of effort, and I prefer not to work up a sweat. Two, I’m a non-op trans woman, and the only position that I’m in when I penetrate a partner with my penis is one of existential vulnerability.

I’ve passed on most requests to top because I felt like my womanhood was at stake. If I were to leave the bottom, I would be moving away from the sexual expectation to which straight cis women are held: to be penetrated.

An unexpected bulge below a dress alerts TSA agents to an “anomaly” that requires invasive inspection. A body with a penis in a women’s restroom is an imminent sexual threat.

And the problem, at the end of it all, is rather simple, Xris says: “We’re never really called women.

But when she is with a cis woman, Octavia is confronted with a person who is anatomically considered to be the standard of womanhood and femininity. She says she cannot define her femininity in contrast to what she is not. Rather, she has to reconcile that two women are having sex, even though one is penetrating with a penis, and the other has never, and probably will never, have that capacity without the use of a strap-on. (This distinction carries weight for some, because the penis is sometimes stigmatized within lesbian culture through the valorization of those who have never had sex with a penis, otherwise known as “gold-star lesbians.”)

Her fear stems from the risk of violating her partners—and that, if she were to unwittingly violate a cis woman, she would be implicitly positioned as a man by way of the dominant rape narrative that dictates only penetrative sex to be rape, and only men hurt women.

Where do you start? I'm only halfway through and had to give up. Accidental rape? Bulge is the new normal?

So by saying that she feels she should sleep with TW, as a heterosexual woman doesn't this imply that she considers TW as male?

I found your ‘thinking out loud’ post about female socialisation and unrequited lust very thought provoking @BettyDuMonde. All those pictures of slightly androgynous young male pop stars lining my bedroom walls........

It's such an entertaining website to read. It is so incredibly masculine. The masculinity is dripping from every sentence. So ironic given what their message is.

Where do you start? I'm only halfway through and had to give up.

Seems very phallocentric.

phallocentric
/ˌfalə(ʊ)ˈsɛntrɪk/
adjective
focused on or concerned with the phallus or penis as a symbol of male dominance.
"the apartment block was an architectural monument to a phallocentric world"

There are two reasons why I do not top: One, topping takes a lot of effort, and I prefer not to work up a sweat.

Well... There's a mismatch of sexual expectation then.. because I don't think you need to be on top to work up a sweat if you're having fun...

That does seem like a bit of a losing proposition, doesn’t it? Rejecting men who specifically fancy you and only going for the ones who don’t.

Yes, the same for their "trans lesbian" counterparts who expect to have sex with homosexual women.

(This distinction carries weight for some, because the penis is sometimes stigmatized within lesbian culture through the valorization of those who have never had sex with a penis, otherwise known as “gold-star lesbians.”)

Magdalen Berns
'Answering: Should We Say "Gold Star" Or "Platinum" Gay?'
(refers to Riley J Dennis' video about this)

I only managed to read half of that but feel some admiration for the male friends who are refusing to be harassed into attempting to shag this person.

This distinction carries weight for some, because the penis is sometimes stigmatized within lesbian culture

Lesbians are not interested in penis. They don't want it. It's not wanted. It's not relevant. Lesbianism, by definition, excludes people with penises, and this is fine. The fact there is even discussion about this reflects male inability to cope with there being sex they are not centred in or able to be part of.

The whole article could be summarised as 'it SUCKS that I'm supposed to accept that other people have boundaries, choices, feelings and autonomy which means they don't do as I want'.

It's the whole 'right to exist' thing. When your chosen identity only works (you as you see yourself can only exist) if every stranger perceives you exactly as you wish to be perceived, then you are going to be endlessly disappointed. This is where the several mentions of 'skin deep only' transphobia is coming from, where it's being realised that people willing to be kind and repeat the lie don't truly believe it. It's that constant clash with reality and the fury at failing to control and order others as desired. Which is emotionally somewhere in the toddler stage.

The concept of gold star lesbian has always sounded very masculine. Its men who are obsessed with how many dicks a woman has 'had' or can 'take' out whether its none, and seeing the only sex that 'counts' as penetration with a penis etc

All this stuff around domination /submisdion/top/bottom as well its all so male.

Women think about sex differently.

The very fact of whining on about people who don't want to fuck you, not fucking you, is very male indeed.

If the writer is a straight woman, why are they on grindr?

Gay men I've talked to have told me that there are loads of MTF trans people on Grindr. And "straight" men interested in them. It's become more of a general LGBT hook up site. (Probably not many lesbians) As well as FTM as R0 mentioned.