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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Mixed-sex toilets in schools - children's actual views?

132 replies

Oldstyle · 12/02/2019 19:19

Do we know what kids actually think about this? Planners & policy-makers seem to feel it's not a problem, and that it lessens bullying (no idea how) although it is currently illegal in Wales for children over 8 years old apparently.
Lleisiau Merched Cymru/Women's Voices Wales are asking for feedback from girls (or boys) who have mixed-sex toilets in their schools. Ideally from Wales but also from other parts of the UK. So is there any real-life evidence either way?

OP posts:
feministfairy · 14/02/2019 22:16

Thank you Chicken for sharing your experiences. It's a powerful reminder to the powerful woke and insensitive about the real harm that is being done by this misogynistic and callous removal of sex segregated spaces.

Just to cheer us up - this is what can happen when children's voices are allowed to be heard:

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/genderneutral-toilets-my-daughter-was-called-selfish-for-wanting-girlsonly-loos-at-school-cwth60b2c?shareToken=6aebee7d1f5c3dfa1efa30cf88c9339b

This Head had to apologise:
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4987780/Headmaster-apologises-gender-neutral-toilets.html

ChickenonaMug · 14/02/2019 22:26

Thank you boatyardblues. I find it so frustrating that the voices of sexually abused girls, or the women survivors who must speak on their behalf, are not heard or are dismissed. Watching the diminishing chances of abused girls psychological recovery and integration and inclusion in society is heartbreaking to me. I may not have had the help that I needed but at least in some part I had the spaces that I needed.

ChickenonaMug · 14/02/2019 22:30

Thanks feministfairy, it is wonderful when children are heard.

CharlieParley · 14/02/2019 22:54

ChickenonaMug I am so sorry to hear what you went through and thank you for your explanations about how you would have reacted if asked about mixed-sex toilets. You are much braver than me.

It's precisely because child sex abuse victims often cannot assert their boundaries or don't even know that they are allowed boundaries about their own bodies at all, that we have Article 39.

And privacy is also considered a human right, one of the most basic in fact, which is why international human rights law specifies that we must have single-sex provisions in circumstances where we are vulnerable and why the Equality Act recognises the specific sex-based needs of females.

None of the "I'm alright Jack" brigade seem capable of considering that others may feel vulnerable where they don't. By all means, let them seek out mixed-sex facilities if that's how they roll, but what entitles them to deny others, including children, their human rights?

AnotherLongNight · 14/02/2019 23:33

My DD (8) disclosed in the autumn term that one of the boys in her class had been following her to the toilets, pushing his way in and molesting her. She would be terrified if I told her that the toilets in her new school were going to change to mixed sex.

Lolasaurous · 15/02/2019 04:00

I watched the gender neutral tv show mentioned earlier. It was great apart from this bit, the kids weren't happy, and they were not going to the toilet when they needed to because of this. These were primary school children. Both sexes did not like it.

Lolasaurous · 15/02/2019 04:07

@AnotherLongNight Gosh that's awful. Poor girl. I had read in one of the newspapers the other week that there has been a huge rise in child-on-child sexual assaults, including in school.
That's another worry.
I can't find the article now, but this is an article from 2017 www.theguardian.com/society/2017/oct/09/child-on-child-sexual-assaults-soar-police-figures-reveal

ISaySteadyOn · 15/02/2019 06:41

DD1's school has a setup where there is a long row of sinks and then open archways to cubicles divided by sex so sort of mixed and sort of single. She says that the wee from the boys' side often floods over to the girls' side and it makes her not use the loo at school or drink enough water. I think she would be healthier and happier with completely single sex toilets.

floribunda18 · 15/02/2019 06:56

SteadyOn- you should put that in a letter to the head and governors straight away.

ISaySteadyOn · 15/02/2019 06:58

You're absolutely right. I will do that because she can't be the only girl who feels like that.

frankexchangeofviews · 15/02/2019 07:21

Any women or girls forced to use mixed sex facilities at work or school should flush all used sanitary products down the loo in protest. It shouldn’t take too long for those in charge to get the point.

Dimsumlosesum · 15/02/2019 07:25

They did this temporarily when I was at school whilst they were remodelling the boys toilets. It was absolutely fucking horrible. Boys were peering under the stalls, seeing girls change their pads, laughing about "the fish smell", one boy even brought in a skeleton key so he could unlock the doors, which he did with a team of mates standing behind him then they all laughed hysterically at whatever poor girl was sat on the toilet. Quite a few girls broke down crying. It was relentless. Not to mention the constant bra snapping. And no one ever told them off. "You just have to get on with it for now!" One teacher snapped.

Dimsumlosesum · 15/02/2019 07:26

Oh and the urine. The boys would piss everywhere. It stank, it was disgusting.

Ledkr · 15/02/2019 07:32

They had these in my dds infant school. She had a willy waved at her aged 5 and the owner also pulled his foreskin back to show her.
Yes they are only little but not nice nonetheless.

HexagonalBattenburg · 15/02/2019 07:37

My kids are still at infant school - each classroom has a partitioned off area with three infant sized toilet cubicles in it, then handwashing sinks at the corner of the main classroom part. One cubicle is designated girls, one boys, one girls and boys... the girls all try to avoid using the mixed cubicle because "the boys make it stinky". Means basically you have one girls cubicle and two side by side boys cubicles for faffing about chatting to your mate peering over the edge and being generally silly.

MishMashMosher · 15/02/2019 07:42

My kids go to a school with unisex toilets. Just asked them if they mind it being a boys and girls toilet. Dd, 7 said 'I really don't care.' but it's all she knows so I'm not sure if she would feel differently if she was used to separate toilets.

Oldstyle · 15/02/2019 09:56

MishMashMosher I admit to not being neutral (gender-neutral?!) on this issue and might tend to see a conspiracy where there is none but I wonder if there's a strategy here to get kids used to the 'norm' of mixed-sex toilets so that the push to make all public toilets mixed-sex is then easier to argue for.

OP posts:
KHTeach · 15/02/2019 10:49

I also find that the girls on their period are bullied less by the boys than the girls for some strange reason. To the pp who thought it was cruel not to let primary children go to the toilet it really isn't a problem as they have a break every two hours.

I have been really impressed with how the mixed sex toilets has worked even though I did have reservations to begin with.

Juells · 15/02/2019 10:52

I also find that the girls on their period are bullied less by the boys than the girls for some strange reason.

What strange universe do people live in, where girls bully other girls for having a period? Genuine question.

KHTeach · 15/02/2019 10:56

@juells.

I know .When I was in secondary school aged 12 and started my period the older girls used to peer over the stalls and laugh when opening the wrappers. They were quite intimidating.

feministfairy · 15/02/2019 11:38

Goodness. Many decades of teaching and I've yet to come across girls bullying girls for having periods. Yes girls bully for all sorts of reasons but bullying other girls for having periods?

Chicken's post below highlights very powerfully why vulnerable girls may not disclose to adults their real feelings about being forced to share toilets with boys.

KHTeach · 15/02/2019 11:44

As a teacher I've not really come across it either but know it happens. I left school in 2008 .

CurbsideProphet · 15/02/2019 11:54

I did a day of supply in a high school a few years ago and toilets were shared between all pupils and staff. The cubicles weren't fully floor to ceiling and I found it a terrible set up. I refused to go back for that reason.

KHTeach · 15/02/2019 12:26

That could cause a number of security problems staff and pupils using the same toilets

Juells · 15/02/2019 13:50

This Head had to apologise
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4987780/Headmaster-apologises-gender-neutral-toilets.html

The only reason he apologised is the fees. Nobody cares if pupils are uncomfortable if the parents aren't paying fees Angry

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