Transgender child at DD’s school. Please help me write to the head?

[Comeymemo]

DD attends an independent co-Ed British international school. We are in a jurisdiction that provides for protection against sex discrimination, including in education. This country has no protection against discrimination on the basis of gender, and only recognises transgender persons when the person has undergone full reassignment surgery (including sterilisation). In other words, there is no right to self gender identification where we live.

The school is split in houses, all of which are either all boys or all girls. The school has a mix of boarders and non boarders.

We recently received a letter from the head, saying that a male pupil will be moving to a girl’s house after half term as the pupil is transgender. The letter states that the pupil will use the unisex accessible toilet including to undress (eg for sports). The letter does not state if the pupil is a boarder.

I want to write to the school outlining my concerns and would welcome any help.

The areas where I would like to get reassurance are:

• confirmation that the pupil will not be allowed to compete against girls or to be in girls’ teams for any sports
• confirmation that the pupil will not be allowed to play female parts in any dramatic productions (DD is into sports and drama and I don’t think it fair that female roles should be given to boys, as male parts are never available to girls)
• confirmation that the school will never allow the pupil to board in a girls’ house or to have access to girls’ boarding houses
• confirmation that girls will never be allowed or expected to share a bedroom with the pupil on any overnight trip
• confirmation that the school are not altering their records to reflect the pupil’s so-called self-ID, so that the pupil remains listed as male
• confirmation that the pupil is not taking the place of any girl on any awards or recognition list, such as for school prefect, scholarships or prizes that are only available to girls.
• would it be reasonable to request that DD is not in the same house as that pupil?

At this stage I don’t want to engage into a broader debate with the school over human rights, feminist theory or GC theory, so I’m trying to stay as down to earth as possible and seek clarification on practical areas.

Is there anything else you can think of that would be relevant in this context? Please feel free to direct me to other threads if this has been done before.

Many thanks 🙏

your

But that is because I have spent the last 30 odd years in a female body, so waking up with a man's body would obviously freak me the fuck out and feel weird. Not because I have a friggin 'lady brain'

See, to me, this is the weird experience. Do people seriously have no sense of being female apart from what's in their pants and down their top?
Do you not FEEL female? I have since as long as I can remember. Nothing to do with pant contents.

This child has been born in the wrong body and has been corrected
If there is one sentence that sums up the danger of genderism to children, this is it.

This is a child. That parents are wanting their kids kept away from.

Are you so horrified when parents don't want their daughters getting changed with boys?

The problem with this child is not that they are trans it is that they are male. And in sex segregated spaces, males should not be in with females.

Why is this so hard for some people to grasp?

I think the 'not wanting the kids to play male/female roles' or whatever is a bit stupid though.

Hi there all,

We're more than happy to clarify what we mean by 'off the mark'.

As many posters on the thread have mentioned, the discussions around a few of the issues in the OP feel a bit mean spirited when we're discussing an individual child.

wgscotland.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/Childrens-Rights-Impact-Assessment-by-Women-and-Girls-in-Scotland.pdf

This may help in explaining the dangers inherent in the dismantling of safeguarding OP. I agree keep it general but write your letter, speak to other parents, get the word out that single sex spaces matter and must be upheld.

Is there an England/Wales/Ireland equivalent analysis available yet?

Do you not FEEL female?

I can't comprehend what that even means. I feel like me. My body is part of that 'me'.

Having seen what a trans young person goes through when they come out with my own eyes I honestly don't know how they cope.

Let's change that to "young person with mental health difficulties" or "young person with a disability" or "young person who has been bullied due to the colour of their skin".

All really hard situations.
All deserving of extra help.
And they are likely to need specialist help, possibly specialist provision and spaces.
But why would you move any of them into a space they did not qualify for just because they "felt different"?
You wouldn't say to the group of children who'd been bullied because of their race or ethnicity, hey, here are some children who haven't been bullied in this way but have mental health problems. Let's all have a group together!

FOR ME, AS A WOMAN, IT IS BOTH BIOLOGY AND A SENSE OF SELF. BOTH WOMAN AND BOTH MATCH UP

Yes, some people's sense of self is messed up. Personally I think the best way to deal with this would be sympathetic therapy rather than telling a child they've changed sex and then starting them on a lifetime's medication before inflicting life-changing surgery on them.

Are you so horrified when parents don't want their daughters getting changed with boys?

The OP wasn't on about just changing though, was she?
Wants the child separated and othered to the extent of even not allowing her to play a female part in a play.
Wanting the school to clarify how she is written down on the school records, which to be frank, has absolutely nothing to do with a completely unrelated parent to a child.

I can't comprehend what that even means

There you go then.

Do you not FEEL female? I have since as long as I can remember. Nothing to do with pant contents.

In what way do you feel female? That is in no way connected to the material reality of having a female body and the experiences that come from that? What is it that makes you feel female? I am genuinely interested in this. If we are looking at changing laws and policies on this stuff, I want something concrete.

I know I am a female because of my body and the way I have been treated (both good and bad) because of that. Our experiences shape our sense of 'who we are' from birth.

And before you go there, it's not the same as sexuality with is a definitive feeling in itself ie. Who you are attracted to. I know I am straight because I am attracted to people of the opposite sex. That's how I know I am straight. I can't 'identify as gay' because I'm not (although Lord knows straight people seem to give the identifying thing a go these days).

The individual child being discussed here really is the OP's, all of the rest is with regards to overall safeguarding in schools and the damage being done to single sex spaces and children's mental health in general.

I think any attempt to derail this thread by complaining it is picking on a single transgender child is wrong and foolishly ignores the OP's very valid safeguarding concerns. The rights of the many must not be removed by the narcissism of the few. The equality act is very clear on this and the school must observe it's obligation accordingly.

but how can you know what it feels like to feel female, when you have no frame of reference? I don't know what it feels like to feel anything other than 'me'.

And before you go there, it's not the same as sexuality with is a definitive feeling in itself ie. Who you are attracted to

I wasn't going to "go there" as that's not what I meant at all. Nothing to do with sexuality.
Just a sense of female. You know.

But what does feeling like a woman mean

Is there an online source where I can go and tick some boxes

To see if I feel like a woman correctly

Just to be clear the Equality Act is all about biological sex as opposed to the feelz.

GlitterStick
I can't comprehend what that even means

There you go then.

What does that mean? Genuine question, I don't understand. You seem to think I've proved a point, but I don't know what point I've proved.

Three points....

Firstly, the safeguarding issue with regard to the girls (especially if they are split into male and female houses) is paramount - as others have articulated, for all the reasons given. The needs of one child who is self-identifying does not outweigh the needs of girls who, at that age, need single sex spaces as they develop.

Secondly, for all those who are wheeling out the "born in the wrong body" nonsense it couldn't be further from the truth - and is some kind of state-dependent bullshit trope wheeled out by AGPs. It's a stereotypical phrase which is meaningless.

Try... extreme body dysmorphia coupled with an incredibly strong gender identification WITH (not as) the other sex. Throw in a few gendered stereotypes, a pinch of AGP, and a few mood disorders and you're probably a lot closer.

Thirdly, yes every man has the potential to be a threat - even transsexual ones. Our male physiology even after testosterone blocking, male socialisation etc. (...and before someone replies with "not all men" - YES ALL MEN).

Seems to me that the OP is not denying this child's right to exist - just putting the needs of girls/women first. It's the school's duty to deal with safeguarding - end of.

I think any attempt to derail this thread by complaining it is picking on a single transgender child is wrong and foolishly ignores the OP's very valid safeguarding concerns.

So MN HQ themselves are trying to derail by pointing out the obvious in their post? Sorry, but how does that make sense?
Surely if they wanted to "derail it" they'd just delete the whole thread

Just a sense of female. You know.

No, I don't know. Tell me. People want to change the law on this stuff.

Secondly, for all those who are wheeling out the "born in the wrong body" nonsense

Nonsense to you as you can't see outside of your own experience and expect everyone to be the same.

There is no such thing as being born in the wrong body, you get what you're given.

There are no pink brains and blue brains.

Anyone can believe otherwise but they have no legal right to compel others to agree.

Have I missed anything out?

Nonsense to you as you can't see outside of your own experience and expect everyone to be the same

@GlitterStick Please provide me with ONE documented piece of scientific evidence where someone has been "born in the wrong body" in a biological sense.

I'd genuinely like to see one - really.

But but what is this sense of a woman

Nobody ever ever explains this