Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Children with mother’s surname?

96 replies

Cassie85 · 24/12/2018 15:28

Hey everyone!

Wasn’t sure if this was suitable to be posted here but hopefully it is.

Just wondering how many of you guys have children with mother’s surname?

My DS has my surname, which I am very pleased about. His father was appalled at this idea but I stood my ground with it. We weren’t married when DS was born, and our relationship wasn’t great and has since ended. I am so pleased I stuck to my guns about this.

A few people have asked me if I feel bad about this, haha. The answer is that I don’t, I don’t see why men assume that the surname is an automatic thing and not even up for discussion.

What do people think?

OP posts:

IHaveBrilloHair · 24/12/2018 15:30

Why say "you guys", when talking about women who have chosen to give their children their own name?

SonicVersusGynaephobia · 24/12/2018 15:33

I think it's a good thing to give children the mother's surname. I don't understand why it's more common for them to be given the father's, especially if the parents aren't married and the woman hasn't changed her name to his.

bellajay · 24/12/2018 15:36

I kept my maiden name when we got married. After we had our first child, we (me, husband and baby) all changed to double barrelled. It’s worked as a nice compromise for us.

ProfYaffle · 24/12/2018 15:40

I didn't change my name when I got married. The dc have my surname - dh's idea as his surname isn't great. I wanted to double barrel all of us but dh irrationally hates double barrelled names

ChristmasWrappingTheWaitresses · 24/12/2018 15:41

I didn't change my name when I got married however my children all have their father's surname as my surname is quite an embarrassing one and actually I wouldn't wish it upon anybody. I just didn't drop it when I got married because it may be embarrassing but it is my name.

thecraftyfox · 24/12/2018 15:43

My children have both my surname and my husband's. No hyphen in there. We weren't married when kiddo 1 was born and I knew I wouldn't be changing my name if we did get married. So they have both. It was never in doubt that they would have my name.

PottyPotterer · 24/12/2018 15:43

Yes my child has my surname, which is just as well as I'm separated from his father. Makes things like travelling abroad easier, plus I don't get called Mrs ex by teachers etc.

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 24/12/2018 15:44

I double barrelled but rarely bother using DH’s name at all- it’s on my bank account and driver’s licence but that’s about it. I wouldn’t bother changing it at all if I had to choose now.

DD is double barrelled, with my name at the start. None of this “my name as a middle name that never gets used” that is sometimes offered up as a compromise.

whatswithtodaytoday · 24/12/2018 15:44

Mine will have my surname. We're not married but have been together years, I wouldn't change my name if we did get married, and I've always said I would want my child to have my name. It's very rare in this country and has an interesting history.

Our surnames are too long to double-barrell. Partner has absolutely no problem with using my name, or being erroneously called it himself.

AnotherEmma · 24/12/2018 15:48

Yes my DS has both my surname and DH's (no hyphen). It was and is very important to me to share a surname with my child(ren) and it was non-negotiable.

I think it's very sad that so many women give in to social pressure and regret it later.

Same with changing name after marriage.

ItIsChristmasTime · 24/12/2018 15:50

My children have my surname, even though I have been married when having all of them.

SayNoToCarrots · 24/12/2018 15:53

AnotherEmma and CraftyFox, snap! Two surnames for my children. One was born before marriage but I knew I would never change my name on marriage (my mother would have disowned me for a start). I never quite get why women who keep their names choose not to give them to their children - women bear the vast majority of the reproductive burden, and deserve to be a part of their children's identity.

HappyPunky · 24/12/2018 15:59

DD has my last name. I would have double barrelled if her dad hadn't been such an arse hole at the time because my objection was to her not having my name at all. He wanted her to just have his.

It's a modern thing for children to have a different last name to their mother.

Original poster

Cassie85 · 24/12/2018 16:00

This is refreshing to hear. My ex comes from a traditional family and I think they were flabbergasted at me even suggesting my DShave my name.

I would also never change my name if I got married. I understand why some people do, it’s just not for me. My DS has dad’ssurname as a middle name. We decided that as our surnames are both quite long, double barrel wasn’t an option.

I do think a lot of it is about social pressure but I’m glad that more and more women and questioning this.

OP posts:

PushHop · 24/12/2018 16:06

I double barrelled my surname when I married, DH did not (but did offer to - We decides against it because it's the surname of his DS and since DSS doesn't share a surname with his mum it's only fair he shares his dad's). My DS has my surname, which therefore has a part of DH's in it too. DH was 100% in support of this and wouldn't have it any other way.

sue51 · 24/12/2018 16:08

I kept my surname when I married. DD1 has my name and DD2 my husbands.

Original poster

Cassie85 · 24/12/2018 16:10

Sue, how old are your DCs?i am pregnant with my second and my ex has mentioned a few times about this one having his surname. I felt it might be confusing for them. How are your two with it?

OP posts:

Purpleartichoke · 24/12/2018 16:19

We wanted something fair and something that could become a tradition if our children chose to copy us. So girls get my name and boys get his. No regrets.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 24/12/2018 16:21

Where did you get your surname from then?

FFSFFSFFS · 24/12/2018 16:23

I have a friend who wont share a bank account with her partner, owns the house and he pays her rent, she took maternity leave and now works part time but they still share costs 50/50 and she does basically all the childcare. She won't marry him and won't take his name.

Their son has his last name.

I find that inexplicable.

BettyDuMonde · 24/12/2018 16:24

My eldest has just my family name and my youngest has mine and her dad’s, no hyphen (Hilary Rodham Clinton style).

I use a combo of my family name and an ex husband’s - his is the best out of all my husbands names (3 to chose from)

It can be a bit annoying when booking family appointments but I am very glad they both have my family name.

whatswithtodaytoday · 24/12/2018 16:25

LordProf My surname has been mine for nearly 40 years. I'm very fond of it. I don't know why it matters that it's my father's surname as well - it's mine. I'm as important as he is.

HammerHorror · 24/12/2018 16:27

I'm married.
DC have my surname and DH's surname as an extra middle name.
When we discussed surnames DH said "well they need to take someone's surname and there's no reason mine is more important than yours".

His parents didn't talk to him for a year because of that decision. They still refuse to use the children's surname.

We have no regrets.

sue51 · 24/12/2018 16:27

Dd1 is 31 and dd2 22. It has never caused them any confusion.

SonicVersusGynaephobia · 24/12/2018 16:29

Where did you get your surname from then?

My parents gave me mine.

Flip

1 2 3 4